boyfriend?!?!

LOL, you're so right, i take my last post back. But the fact that you're right, doesn't change the fact that sexual blackmail actually works, but on the short run only. You're a wise woman, kisses.

 

I really suggest that you read "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". The book explains that women don't really know HOW to ask for things, the more bossy you are, the less cooperative will your hubby be. You should ask him all tenderly and cuddly, at least that is what the book reccommends, btw, the book is REALLY GOOD.

 

hmmm yeah "I have to or my mom kills me" does not really indicate you're responsible. I couldn't imagine living here rent free and my mom having to do the majority of the house work...that's crap. Like in relationships, roomate situations family situations-whatever. The person who works the least hardest (ie-not the most money) should have to do most of the housework. Family's, friends, relationships whatever it should be about making one anothers lives easier-not being forced to clean up, or chore lists, or using sex as a weapon. Her boyfriend needs to grow up and pull his own weight.

I was in one relationship where I felt like I had to play mommy...never ever again. I don't even wasnt another relationship where the trash overflows...for goodness sakes take out the fucking trash and knock it out with the bullshit power trips-Every guy I've been with I have had trash fights with. Never again.-ok sorry had to vent that,

 

Saying that i cleaned up the kitchen to cook, does not mean my mother does all the work, I DO IT, because she works all fringgin day, and i understand that i have to. But the fact that i comprehend the situation does not mean i don't get to say, "shit, i have to do the bathroom" or "fuck, i forgot to wash the dishes". I do it because it would me just beyond ridiculous for my mother to do all the chores. You got me wrong, or i didn't express myself correctly.
What's a power trip??

 

Hey, Maggie, how long you been married? Me and DH, we been together 14 years now. Listen up everyone, Maggie knows what she's talking about. Living with someone is very hard, and it takes a lot of work to keep it together. You don't go blackmailing them into doing chores, nor do you treat them disrespectfully, and still expect them to stick around very long. And the very worst thing anyone can do to a relationship is use sex as a weapon.
sure, people can change themselves if they really want to, but no person has the right to expect another person to change.

 

I have been in your boat and as much of a pain as it was for me to deal with I quit taking care of anything that was his except dishes and feeding him. I cleaned everything in the livingroom except around his favorite chair. I stopped doing his laundry and only did mine I even seperated bath towels mine and his. I even went so far as to only clean half of the bedroom. The bathroom I had to keep clean though couldn't let that go. People would come over and look at the house and they'd be like Ang what the hell is up with your house. I tell them oh no the mess is all him the clean parts are my parts of the house. He got tired of hearing about it and now he does alot better not perfect but if i wash clothes he fold and put away. If I wash dishes he puts them up he clean the bathroom I do the bedroom and kitchen We both keep at the living room, and the garage is his own mess to handle. Maybe if you give that a try he will get the picture.

 

I agree with the above poster. This seems like a pretty typical thing in any kind of a roommate situation, whether or not you're dating the person. It's not a lost cause. The problem is that he knows that if he doesn't clean, you are going to do it anyway. Clean only your own messes, and refuse to pick up his. He's not a child, he can clean up after himself.

 

well breaking up with his is just the thing I want to do.. I love him.. he means everything to me. I think I might try what Relic said, I think that might work. I can't withhold the sex from his cause he does not care. I have tried that before he goes it is ok.. I have gone without it for a long time before I ment you I can wait. So I really think that Idea of cleaning have the house would work. Thanks everyone for leaving comments and your opinions and I will let you know what the end results are ... Thanks again...

With Love

Jenn~

 

It's always like this when you are adjusting to living with someone, and it takes years. Maybe after asking for his help you could call and nicely remind him (like between school and work or something) to see if that gets things done. The more you fight about it the less inclined he'll be to help.

My husband is messy. For example, I find dirty pants on the recliner, socks in the couch cushions, and he never uses a hamper. He puts dirty clothes on the bedroom floor like 2 feet away from the hamper. He tries on clothes in the morning and discards what he doesn't want to wear on the floor. I used to get mad about this, but now he knows if it isn't in the hamper it doesn't get washed, plain and simple. If I don't see him wear it it doesn't get washed, it can stay wrinkled on the floor unitl he takes care of it. He is always washing a pair of pants at 10 at night to have them before work because they didn't get done in the regular laundry, and knows not to complain about it. We don't fight about it anymore, and I have let go of being annoyed by the clothes on the floor.

There is always things you have to get used to, let go of, and work out when you try to merge two living styles into one household. Give it some time and try not to get angry or frusterated. My husband and I still aren't perfect at this after 5 years living together, we still get in tiffs about messes around the house. Just don't let it consume your home life.

 

I personally just feel that if something means that much to you and your partner knows it, then a good partner will at least make a bit of effort so ease your sufffering. Reguardless of what their level of comfortable mess is

 

dream on, sister! You can't expect someone to change who they are in an attempt to make you happy. If you aren't happy, it's your problem, and them changing won't help.

 

So we should just let lazy people be lazy because thats just the way they are?


All I'm saying is that a loving, considerate relationship consists of making sacrifices and an effort because you care about the other person as well as all the benfits you get. You cant expect people to change, but you can find someone who fits the bill, and recognising who cares enough to help you out with something that means a lot to your wellbeing, and who doesnt care is the first step.

see there is no expecting any one to change in this situation, its all about finding someone who cares enough to see how impotant it is to you as you would do for them.

Its about consideration, and if youre a person who needs to be considered, and hes not considerate, then youre wasting your time together because you'll never be happy.

 

Thanks for asking, boogiemama. Bear and I have been together for 28 years, and been "legal" as in having papers and words said over us by a man and womyn of the Cloth for 21 years. Four kids in the mix, too.

Fourteen years, you ain't no slouch either, boogie!

It IS hard work, but you can't change them. IF they want to change, they have to on their own, and if I want to change, there is nothing he can do to change me, either. I would have to want to. I went into this relationship, though, knowing, I was not going to change him. We are, after all, only all human.

 

:lol:I started to laugh out loud. Was he walking around pantless? LOL! My dh does this. Leaves his socks gently draped over the arms of his Lazy Boy. HE claims he leaves clothes on the floor "because you don't do the laundry often enough." The man is like a Barbie Doll. I have NEVER seen so much laundry. I did less when I was doing a baby and two toddler's laundry, then just doing his, mine and Sage's. He can't wear ANYTHING twice, if he wears something for a few hours, in the hamper or on the floor it goes.

I have a new "Rule" he doesn't get yet. If something is on the floor, it goes back into the closet. (We have separate closets, so mine doesn't have that man-sock funk.) So far he hasn't noticed.

OK, I don't do this with underwear or socks, cuz that would just be gross. What IS IT with the crunchy socks? I don't have crunchy socks, unless I've been hiking at the Dunes or the Beach. Why do men have crunchy socks? I expect an intellectual explaintion to follow.

The other day, he was actually going to spray Clorox Clean Up in his boots. *sigh* I gave him the Stinky Foot Spray. *sigh* 28 years of Bliss, lemme tell ya.