Boyfriend troubles

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by AmbrosialAmity, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. AmbrosialAmity

    AmbrosialAmity Member

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    I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now - I've had a relationship that lasted for 21 months before him (eeh, the other guy got reeeally controlling) - but after about 4 months, he began to completely lose his sexual drive. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it, however. I think it's sweet that he's told me that love doesn't need to have sex, but I enjoy it, and I enjoy it with him. Being rejected often makes me feel like I'm not good enough or that I'm unattractive, although I (hopefully :)) don't think he thinks that.


    I've often been described as a 'butch' lesbian (no problem, though I'm not a lesbian *shrug*), so I wonder if that has anything to do with it, though he's said he likes me that way. He's also a big-time computer dude... So when I want to talk about sex, he often wants to tlak about the new game that's coming out.

    Ehh, I don't really know how to handle this. He has no problem with not having sex. He likes to please me, he says, but I really don't want to make it like I'm pushing him into having sex using that quote. The excuse of not having any condoms seems to occur often when I ask about sex.

    He sometimes complains that I try to initiate sex too much, but I do that because I know if I don't, we won't have sex. Ever. 85% of the time I initiate, nothing happens.

    Please help :( This is really frustrating. I'm trying to see it from his point of view, but there really doesn't seem to be much else besides a low sex-drive.

    "I've often been described as a 'butch' lesbian " aah, sorry, I should have written that much better - HE didn't say that, I've just been described as such, though he likes me the way I am :) He likes that he can hang around me without worrying.
     
  2. shadowd_dreamr

    shadowd_dreamr Senior Member

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    Oh my..
    Sounds like he is a real prick.
    I dont think he cares much for your feelings hun. If I were you I would go on Birth control, so he cant use the condom excuse anymore.. see what happens then.. if he finds another excuse, confront him about it.. tell him that you feel rejected, and unwanted!. its your right as his girlfriend!
    and as for the unpleasant name calling, Everyone is beautiful in their own way.. and I believe everyone has a soul mate, its just the matter of finding them thats difficult... Lots of guys and girls are going through this same problem everywhere, your not the only one.. Just take tell him how you feel.. thats all you can do, for now. .
     
  3. Style

    Style Member

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    im not sure id call him exactly a prick. its hard to say from this context, but I've known guys who just plain didnt like sex, and a lot of the ones that didnt were also into the games and computers.
     
  4. AmbrosialAmity

    AmbrosialAmity Member

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    Ah, that's the good thing about it - I just started birth control ;) I have to wait for it to take it's full effect - muahaha.
    I think it's more that he's... scared or something. He's had negative sexual experiences when he was younger (aah, you know. being a curious child and your parents yelling at you? I suppose those kinds of things.)

    Perhaps with the birth control he'll be able to chill a bit. :)
     
  5. tigerlily

    tigerlily proud mama

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    it sounds like he just has no sex drive... sometimes it happens, and there's unfortunately not much you can do about it. counseling might help, but he has to really want to want to have sex again... you say he likes pleasuring you right? so he's not really trying to be a prick, but imagine never ever being horny and your SO asking for it a lot... and you give sometimes, but other times it just seems like a chore... and it has nothing to do with your feelings for the other, it's just you're not interested. you could apply this to something else... for example, if a couple used to connect very well spiritually, but one loses their sense of spirituality... maybe no longer believes in god, but will still go to church occassionally and maybe even pray with the other occassionally, just for the other person, but doesn't really feel anything themselves in conection with god.. only happy to please the SO...

    i hope that makes sense.. i'm sorry it's happened to him.. it's probably very frustrating to the both of you... there may be an option of free counseling or you may just have to wait it out... look for possible reasons.. stress, insecurity, problems in the relationship... i think those are the most common reasons for losing your sex drive... so you could look into those to try to fix the problem too..

    i'm really sorry and i hope you two get it worked out
     
  6. tigerlily

    tigerlily proud mama

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    ohh... yeah maybe he just needs time to be okay with sex. maybe he's not really ready for it.
     

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