Boyfriend pushed on stomach

if i was to get pregnant my fiance would be the best father in the whole world..i just want kids before he does, and i am more than willing to wait until hes ready....but if an accident happened i would be fine..my fiance would be as well...i cme from a tight knit family that would do anything to help me out...young people crave this kind of thing because of the fact that they crave love...not me..i have more than enough love around me, i want kids because i want to be responsible for somethign other than p[aying my bills and going to work everyday...i want a not so humdrum life....see what i mean?

 

i'm kinda bummed out by all the anti-teen-parent vibes. I mean, i'm a bit close to the situation, but come on! Why all the negativity? I agree that it sounds like HER bf isn't ready for parenthood, but when people say things like "it'll totally ruin your life, run away!" that's just not helpful! I heard this plenty when i was expecting my first child (and even now, it's amazing the things complete strangers seem to think they can say to me--and i'm much older, married, and expecting #3!). Maybe if we could be more supportive of young parents (ie, say something encouraging instead of something negative), less of them would feel defeated before they even get started. Maybe with some compassion, fewer highschool girls would drop out of school, or get abortions. Just a thought. i'll get off my soapbox now

 

Me too, Michelle. Although I wouldnt encourage young womyn to get pregnant on purpose, it does happen and in many instances, they make fantastic mamas. I know mothers my age who not as good as some mamas in their late teens and early 20s.

Not all young womyn are bad parents, and it doesn't "ruin the life" of all who do it. It depends on the person.

You rock, Mama Michelle!!!!

 

I totally think it's true. Some young mommas rock, and many are ready. And I do think everyone should be more supportive of them. HOWEVER, I think we should encourage them to take a bit more time to find out who they are first, and get to experience life as themselves, right?

Speaking as a baby-craving teenager, myself

 

Right, teen parenthood isn't for everyone. But some do really well at it.

 

Well, the original poster is 17 years old. I am not encouraging a seventeen year old to start a family. If it turns out that she's pregnant, I wish her the best.


Starting a family that young is hard. And it has to do with more than just whether the person would be a good, patient, nice parent or not. Economically, it's hard. It's stressful. If the person would be a good parent now, won't they also be a good parent after they have grown up a little bit?

I would not want to make a teenager who already is pregnant feel bad about it. That's the last thing they need. But I don't want to encourage people to start a family and take all that on at such a young age.

My parents were teenagers when they had me and they told me every freaking day how much they regretted starting their family so young and giving up their youth. That was loads of fun.

 

I'm sorry your parents were so negative Kind of off-topic, but that's one of the worst things a parent can do to a child's self-esteem. I too was an "accident" and though my parents weren't negative about it, i did know that from early childhood that i was the reason they didn't finish college, have "real" careers, etc. When i told my mom i was pregnant with my son (i too was 17), her exact words were "I'm so disappointed in you! I hoped you would have learned from my mistakes" Ouch. We're very careful to never use the word "accident" in regards to our kids; my husband even gets mad when i say they were a "surprise" because he says that implies the same thing. I dunno, but i don't EVER want any of them to think, even for a second, that we were ever less than happy to have them.

Becoming a mother is definately the best thing that ever happened to me; before i had kids, i had no ambitions, no dreams or goals for my future. I never thought i'd amount to anything at all, and i didn't plan on living long enough to find out. I hate the person i was then; i was angry, mean, and generally horrible. I still have plenty of bad points, but now i also have a reason to try and be a better person. I was meant to be a mom, and maybe nothing else, but that's ok, because for me, that's more than enough

And thanks Maggie

 

Ok, here goes...yes i am only 17, yes-my boyfriend is bipolar, has anger issues, and yes- i've only been with him for a little less then a month...but even thou he's bigger then me, i swear to everyone, if he ever touches me like that, i will get away...but i seriously doubt he would because he knows no matter how much i piss he off, to just walk away.

I am also bipolar and have anger issues, which makes our relationship very rocky.

However, I have three nephews, ages 4, almost 3, and 10 months. He says it's amazing how much those boys love me, and how much i love them, and that {whenever i'm ready} i would make a great mother. And I NEVER take my anger out at my nephews. I do set rules and keep them with my nephews.

If I am preggie, i would only be about a week, so i dont know yet...and i just started the pill two weeks ago, and we have used a condom a couple times. Anything else?

 

Well, I know what you mean about children giving your life a sense of direction. I didn't have a solid plan before I had kids, either. I had lots of things that I wanted to do, but no motivation. I was going to get around to lots of things...eventually. When a person has kids, hopefully they react the way that you and I did, and it's a wakeup call, and they get their act together.

Not everyone does, though. Sure, some of us straighten up and get our act together and take really good care of our kids. I personally can't help but wonder, though, how my kids' lives might be better if I had gone to school and gotten some skills before I started a family. Or if I had known their dad even longer before we got pregnant, so I would have found out about his problems and I could have chosen not to make kids that have basically no dad at all.

If I didn't have kids, maybe I still wouldn't have gone to college and settled down a bit. Who knows? It certainly changes a person's priorities, hopefully.

What's the rush? is all I'm saying. Some teen moms are good moms. That doesn't mean, though, that it's for everyone.

 

are you guys on any medication for your bi-polar? If so I think it would be a good idea to check with a doctor whether these are ok to be taking if pregnant.
Another question I would have is if you are getting any counselling, maybe the two of you together would be good about dealing with anger? It would seem to me than rather than leaving this to "if it ever happens I will leave" you might be better off making sure and taking steps to make sure that it never happens.
Make sure you get a test as soon as possible about being pregnant as I am pretty sure it is not safe to take birth control pills when you are so get it checked as soon as you can.
By the way I hope you ahve told him that it is not good to press on your stomach that hard! Even if you are not pregnant...seems to me that he is skating on thin ice with behaviouyr like that and that you are both the sort of people that would want to avoid doing that.