Boyfriend Cheated W/ Brother's Gf! I Can't Get Over It! Help ;(

So this is a long story. :book: There will be a TL;DR at the end.

Backstory: I'm 24; he's 22. I'm his first official gf and the first person he's had sex with. 3 year relationship. Not living together. No kids.

Well, my bf met his bro's gf around August 2016. They became good friends, as well as my ex coworker (me, bf, and ex-coworker had the same job). His bro's gf and coworker both would say how they wanted to become my friend. I felt like something was off from the moment my bf said he met the gf. She just....seemed shady..,and he would tell me how she was into weird stuff (like wanting to have a threesome with him and his bro. SHE TOLD HIM THIS THE FIRST DAY THEY MET). Well they would all hang out ALL the time. He would invite me, but I get very uncomfortable around people I don't trust, so I would say no. They all would get drunk together and smoke weed. (Disclaimer: I hate weed. Always asked my bf to not do it. He wasn't really into it. Only did it if others did). Well this went on for months and I would cry ALOT bc I truly felt like something was off, so I asked my bf to stopped hanging around them so much. He would say he doesn't agree, then run and tell them about it. They would call me controlling together. The bro's gf even encouraged him to break up with me. The coworker was slightly neutral or just a little off towards his side. She would come around him a lot, and expect him to console her when she was sad. She'd show up to his house all the time, and tell him stories about how she'd kill herself, and he'd drive to her house to stop her. Didn't like how she "needed" him.

Well, one day in late December, decided to read his texts, found something questionable, asked him about it, and he told me what happened. "Me and my bro's gf got super drunk and touched each other." I WAS FURIOUS!!! He consoled me. I asked if anything else happened, and I continued to ask if anything else happened weeks after. He would deny. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt me, and he was truly sorry, so I felt that I should get to know the bro's gf. The bro and gf lived together, so we went over like 3 times together. Talked to her face to face (not about the stuff) and realized I TOTALLY HATED HER lol. Soooo that didn't last. From our conversations, I knew she was disgusting, sex-crazed, not gf type. I'd watch my boyfriend. He would look at her a lot. One day, he kissed me while we were there, and as soon as he kissed me, he glanced at her to see if she was looking. I pointed this out immediately to him while whispering, and he denied it. He did it twice....sooo I wouldn't say that was a coincidence.

Anyways, found out from his brother that it was more than touching a month later. My bf received oral sex, and the two kissed. So two times. Drunk both times. I've found lots of dirty messages between them. Bro was mad. I was ready to choke somebody. I told him that the ONLY way I'd stay with him is if he stopped talking to the girl. It wasn't until like March or April that he decided to stop talking to the bro's gf and stop hanging with the coworker. He hasn't talked to her since, and if she texts him, he lets me know. A month of so after he stopped talking to her, THIS HOE (sorry) texted me asking if she could talk to him again bc she misses him. I. Wanted. To. Destroy. Her. Face. My bf got upset from her text, and he apologized for being "immature, stupid, and selfish."

We have taken many breaks since then. Well, he's been trying to make things right. He has totally stopped communicating with her. He gives me more attention now. He even does little things that I complained about in the past, like liking my posts of Facebook lol. He has really changed and wants to be better. He has even tried to show his brother that he's changing. If I bring it up, he doesn't argue and helps me.

He tells me all the time that he wished he dated someone before me, so that he could learn from his mistakes without hurting me. He's much more loving now. He always wants to cook for me, and he's being more open about his own issues in life. I love him. So so much. My last ex cheated on me, and I was not staying with him. He was a trash bf, and I was happy to end it. BUT THIS GUY. He just...idk. He gets me, and I get him. We're so comfortable with each other. I don't want anyone to think I'm a total idiot. I have tried talking to other guys after we took our break from each other. Sureee. They were nice. I got the butterflies (no sex), but they ended immediately. I just love my bf tooo much.

Well, I've noticed that I have been getting more happy lately. Less crying, but the feelings of anger and hatred come back when I am reminded of what happened in December and those months after. I go back and read their old text messages to each other. I torture my own self. I ask myself why I wasn't enough. I ask him that too. He tells me that I was enough, but he was just an idiot. But that's not good enough for me, bc I don't understand how people can cheat. I wish I knew every single detail, and I know I can't, AND THAT KILLS ME. I love him too much, and I know he loves me. Those breaks with him....were hard. I was miserable. He was miserable. We both cried a lot lol. I don't want to say it this way, but breaking up is kinda not an option for me. Well it's not something I want to do. I know what my bf did was wrong. I have called him some terrible things. I've called the bro's gf some terrible things. I have forgiven my boyfriend, but I HAVE NOT forgiven the gf. I literally want to hit the girl. Don't assume I have only gotten upset with the girl. Nope. My bf has seen my wrath.

TL;DR: I am bf's first gf. Boyfriend cheated on me with bro's gf. Found out in December. He has made many efforts to regain my trust and his bro's as well. He doesn't talk to the bro's gf anymore. I go back to their old text messages, read them, and get sad all over again. Boyfriend is supportive. We have taken breaks. Breaking up is not something I want. Help me stop torturing myself.

My questions to you guys.
1) How can I get over this thing and stop torturing myself?
2) Why do soooo many people cheat? If you have cheated, why did you do it? Did they take you back?
3) Is the fact that I'm his first sexual experience a problem? I've done a lot of searching, and men feel like they're entitled to LOTS of vagina based off of what I read. Many said that they would cheat, because they've only been with one woman. Married men.
4) If you were me, would you break up with my bf?
5) How long does it take to get over infidelity?
6) HALP!!! Lol :bigcry: :bigcry:

 

I abhor cheating and he sounds like he brings way too much negative energy into your life. I would go no contact. Cheating is always a deal breaker to me. :blush5: Break ups are really hard but you'll always be wondering about this guy if you stay with him. So not worth it!! Sorry this happened ((Hugs))

 

Well first, if you really want it to work you actually have to forgive him and let it go. Rereading the text messages is stupid, even if you want to break up. All it does is bring up the same old questions and open the wound. He can't really do more than apologize and not do it again. If you choose to stay and continue to rehash it, it will get old and end anyway.

 

Gross

The brothers arent grossed out she knows both of them in the bedroom?

"Thats not how your brother does it"

Sweetie, seriously, dump him, move on, its a bad sign of things to come if you stay with him.

Go find another guy that doesnt want to go where his brother has gone before.

Yuck

 

not reading that - way too long ! but why stay with a scumbag who cheats (once a cheat always a cheat) get yourself a good loyal guy who better. im sure theres thousands of guys out there who can treat you better- life too short to waste on some retard. if i was a girl and my bf did that i would tell him to fuck himself and then get someone better(but hey im not a chick but vice versa if a gf did that to me thats what i would do

 

LOL loved your post, Vanilla Gorilla. Even though it's not funny, I couldn't stop laughing at that quote. Lol *shivers* I really think the bro's gf gets off knowing she messed with two guys in the same family.

So despite the changes and improvements, you guys think breaking up is the best option?

 

I probably shouldn't laugh at that, but I DIED. I'm so glad (not glad, but ya know what I mean) she doesn't know him, know him in bed. That would kill me. The oral sex was already too much for me.

I get that everyone wants me to break up with him, but what about his efforts to change? Should I not take those into account?