Boyfriend (30) unable to be serious when I (F/25) attempt to talk about sexual likes

I'm going to be one of those people that asks the Internet full of strangers for dating advice...


All right so, background story first...since we started dating, my boy has always joked around about going in my butt and I was never super fond of the idea...finally I let him after six months, but it was fingering my anus. I didn't like it the first time, tried again to give it a chance and still no go. Besides the initial feeling when it happened, I don't like the after affect of being sore or feeling like always having to go to the bathroom and it hurt at times when I finally did go...


When I went to tell him about it, I brought it up at a time when he made a joke about going into my butt. So, I explained that I didn't enjoy it and I had been having trouble ever since we did it. Our conversation went along as...
HIM: You put more things in your butt, didn't you?
ME: No, this is all from the other morning...
HIM: You're not supposed to use cucumbers. And nothing's supposed to even go in there!
ME: Right, and so I think that anal isn't such a great idea afterall. I don't like this pain.
HIM: Oh, you'll get used to it.
ME: [laughs sheepishly]
HIM: It took me a little while to get used to it, I had to keep putting things in my butt.
ME: ...You're not putting things in your butt...
HIM: See my shaving cream can? I started with just the nozzle, then each time worked my way in...Takes time. You'll be fine!


I finally put my hand on his shoulder and looked at him sternly, but smiled softly and said I understand he's trying to make me laugh, however it's not really the right time (and him talking about it further made my butt hurt more).


He is big on making jokes, sarcastic and sometimes smart. Am I just being too sensitive on the subject and I should have joked with him, but then returned to the point that butt play didn't work out for me? Or should he have made a few jokes only and finally said, "Okay, I understand. We tried, didn't work. Too bad you're in pain."?


Please help! All opinions welcome!

 

you should have shoved his shaving cream can up his ass.

 

I am like wtf when i read

If he did that for real that is some messed up shit for a dude.

And the pain you are experiencing could be due to an anal fissure (a tear in your anal area/skin surrounding the opening) or something bad. Go to a doctor and i'll seriously suggest letting it heal before you try doing anything there again. I am SERIOUS or this could get far worse and take forever to even heal and may require surgery.

Seems to me the dude didn't use any lube at all, you are supposed to use a lot of lubrication. I hope to God he didn't just spit and fingered like they do in the porn movies because if you're feeling pain then seems like he did do stupid things like that.

And i feel sorry for you, the guy you are with seems to be very immature and doesn't look like he cares about you at all. Wow, i am surprised at your responses how you let him get away with this shit, you must be really desperate to have him as boyfriend because no self-respecting girl would let her be hurt like that or at least the girls i know.

If you are thinking of still staying with him after this then i am sorry but you must have really low self-esteem. Looks like he enjoys getting things done his way whether you like it or not, next time don't be surprised if he shoves a cocumber up your ass

 

My thoughts exactly. What a tool

 

We have opposite personalities...I'm more serious and he's more laid back. He (and many others say)s I'm too uptight, that I need to also be more spontaneous. And so as far as my responses go, I was trying to give him an opening to say something other than what he initially was saying. I think that sometimes I do let him get away with too much, that I hold back what I want to say. I yesterday felt like saying, "Enough with the teasing, I'm really hurt here!", probably should have...

Going further into things, whenever I do speak up, he usually says..."What do you want me to say/What can we do to fix this?"

 

Your boyfriend sounds very disrespectful. You don't have to put anything up your butt if you don't want to. Seriously, why do so many guys have an anal fixation....

 

Him jus alking made your butt hurt? Hmmmmm


He's right, you'll keep putting things up there

 

well, his lightness might be his way at hoping he doesn't get rejected! You never know, maybe it was hard for him to ask to stick it up your butt....I think you should respond by saying, I'll let you stick things up my butt if you let me stick things up yours... hmm, or maybe this is his subtle hint that he couldn't mind some ass play himself. I say, lighten up....he's not forcing you, just making light of the situation.