My wife can say I don't feel good about my body so I'm withholding sex from you until I work it out. Is there anything in this world I could justifiably withhold from her based on my own personal neurosis that wouldn't make me a douchebag?
I'm not a 100% sure what the question is but I'd take a stab at guessing that your wife is saying that you have to work on your body hang ups before she will have sex with you because your negatively is turning her off or frustrating her? If that's the case, I think she's being a bit harsh and maybe going about it the wrong way. Its true, you have to love yourself and your body and your mind is a sexual tool as important, and arguably more, than your hot spots. If your mind is not there, you'll find sex unenjoyable, probably for both partners. She probably needs to encourage you and reassure you of your body hang ups and you in turn need to accept and love the body that you have or change the things you don't like, if that is a feasible option.
Ouch ! I think this is totally unreasonable . If it was the other way around I am sure you would receive pelters from everyone . Having lost over 6 stone myself , I can recommend that you do it as it will be better for your all round health benefit but it must be something that you want to do and not have a gun held to your head . If you can do it together and work out together even more fun .
Respectful, From the tone of the OP, it sounds like both of them need to step back and reevaluate how they talk to each other. Using or the lack there of is a slippery slope. Sure, there is always work to to done to stay health and control weight. But “you” have want too. Am I missing something here?
I was unclear. It's my wife who's unhappy with her own body so she's taken sex off the table. What's the equivalent of that? I don't know if there's anything I could take away from her with impunity. Update: I found the following quote that I think is accurate "withholding sex from a man is the equivalent of affection from a woman." Imagine the blowback if I did that but it's fine for her to withhold sex from me.
You would have to talk and encourage her by saying there is nothing wrong and keep complimenting her. It sounds like to me a loss of body confidence .
I'm in agreement with Mysteron. Speak to her and give her lots of encouragement. She has to realise, not only is she punishing herself, she's punishing you too. Encourage her but don't force her into changing her mindset. Help her gain some confidence by running or going to the gym together. Gradually, she will start feeling better about herself. Good luck.
What's the underlying reason for her using dislike of her body as an excuse to refrain from sex? Usually there's a different reason for the rejection and using body image deflects it. Albeit as we are our worse critic regarding our own physical presentation I suspect she has developed another issue that she may be embarrassed to discuss or reveal. Not knowing much about her it is hard to give suggestions as to what may be the underlying issue. So this is the only suggestion I can make. Talk with her, outside of the bedroom and not during any intimate moment, about what it is that is bothering her. Push her to be honest and forthright so together you can solve the issue and become intimate again.
Actually, what he is saying happens. Having experienced this first hand with my first wife, and years on sex forums such as this one and hearing this from numerous guys. My first wife had a nice body when we met, and remained hot until our second child - a son. Who was 10 lbs and 2 oz. She gained a lot of weight with him and struggled to get it back off. Then when she hit about 35 she really struggled with her weight. She HATED her body. She would cry in stores when clothes shopping. She no longer wanted me to see her naked, and her desire for sex plummeted. To no sex at all. I spent years without sex until eventually we divorced. It is real, And it happens.
A bit vague but I think she is saying to loose weight and work out if you want sex. IMO this is reasonable. My friend got married had 2 kids she got very fat and they haven't had sex in 22 years. Don't let it get out of hand. The Keto diet is the easiest. I am never hungry.
