Bipolar Depression, Romantic Insecurity, and Arousal Problems

Hey y'all, so I don't normally post in this forum, but I've been having an issue with this. This morning I was with a girl who had spent the night here at my house. We started to have sex, and everything was going pretty well, until I started to lose focus and subsequently my Tower of Pisa began to lean. Despite repeated efforts, I couldn't get it back to 100% as I had started. I'm kind of embarrassed about this naturally, and I want to try to see what's up.

I want to mention the things that I am sure are not the cause. It's not a physical problem, as I can get up pretty easily, being a 19 year old college kid. I'm very much in love with this girl, she's a beautiful and intelligent black dance/acting student here at the uni, so it's not a problem of attraction. Although I have BPD, I don't take any medication for it, so it's not antidepressants, and I'm not a drinker.

I do, however, seem to suffer this only during my depressive episodes, and only sometimes. I don't have that much sex, maybe a couple times a year, and I have had some negative experiences related to sex, especially some involving a puritan ex-girlfriend who made me feel somewhat confused and ashamed of my sexual feelings, so maybe I have a mental block on the coital act itself. I also have had a somewhat troubled romantic history with this particular girl, and in the past have felt intimidated by her (due to her popularity and my own social insecurities). I also suspect that it might be due to the rough way that I jerk off, so maybe I've desensitized myself, but I have experienced at other times having no problem with following the act through to the end. I'm also extremely stressed all the time, taking 11 courses (all music) and working part-time, which gives me a 7-day workweek.

My idea is to stop masturbating for a while, meditate, and work on actively reducing stress, but I was wondering if anyone else had other ideas of what to do. Thanks for reading :gorgeous:

 

Yeah, your ideas should work. Masturbate less, and before sex, try to free your mind and relax. Meditation is an excellent way to do this. Orgasm/stress don't go together well, the best orgasms happen when you are relaxed.

 

This is cool I have BPD they say, I've stopped smoking buds ,drinking and started practicing karate and working out ,on my off-days I meditate about three times a day putting myself into a very relaxed and aware trance with no music just open a window and listen to the wind and life around you, (when you can see yellow and black color disappearing into themselves over and over , see indigos and vibrant colors as if a dream state and its very trippy as well as enlightening doing ,TM I highly recommend it before work slows cordisol levels very quickly and is a great way to make better decisions after preforming transcendental meditation
Plus makes you feel more confidence around women. Stop masturbating you'll get way harder around a chick and bigger also try kegels every now and again btw im 21 and I got the BPD but I honestly think I got ADHD way more lol im not taking anything for it cause half the junk has awful side effects. Anyway just try not to get all worked up and follow your soul bro, good luck