Bi men and aging

I had long ago heard a bi guy declare that his bisexuality was "the best of both worlds."

Too bad too many "straights" seem to have a great deal of difficulty in comprehending this simple concept; again, as KDaddy23 often correctly states: "This ain't rocket science, people!".........

 

It is the best of both worlds; it can be the worst of both worlds, too. Straight folks ain't the only ones who have a problem comprehending this and as evidenced by the many times I've been bashed by gays... for not being gay like they are. Like so many people who happen to be of my age, I grew up with the stupid notion that people are either straight or they're gay and the presumption that there's nothing between the two extremes - but there always was, and it always got downplayed as a denial of really being gay and... make up your confused mind and pick a side already and stay the fuck on it.

In my own experiences, my worst of both worlds experiences came more from homosexuals than heterosexuals; I found that I could tell the straight folks, "Look, for me, it's the sex!" and they'd be like, "Oh, okay, whatever floats your boat (and as long as you don't hit on me for sex)!" but gay men wanted to know why I was in denial of being gay or why I had no thoughts or plans on giving up women so I could be 100% gay and like they said I had to be. And I had to learn not to let these sentiments bother me and, oh, yeah - you didn't have anything bad to say about my bisexuality when I was sucking you off or when I had my dick deep in your ass, did you?

It seems... reasonable that when you get older as a bisexual man, you learn not to give a flying fuck about what anyone else has to say about you being bisexual and like they have a right to bust your ass over how you want and prefer to have sex or be emotionally involved with. It remains my contention that if you haven't reached this level of self-acceptance, I'm wondering what you're waiting for... and who in the world do you think is supposed to do this for you? If you haven't learned to not pay attention to the dumb shit, why haven't you since, um, duh, you do know that it's not rocket science - and as long as you know this, does it really matter if anyone else is capable - or even willing - to understand it?

It would be nice, but we don't live in a nice and never did. If you fail to make this time in your life the best it can be - and to enjoy the best of both worlds - that's on you, isn't it? Ultimately, it is and, as a point of reference, I figured this out when I was 16 or so...

 

Again, a very good response, and one that, once again, makes a great deal of sense.

If you are gay, fine.

If you are straight, cool.

If you are bi, no problem.

Again, if "SEX" is just that, "SEX", why the need to still use "labels" is redundant.

"Labels" make as much sense as gay men trying to recruit straight guys to "turn them gay".

Same thing if a straight guy tries to "convert" a 100% gay male into a heterosexual.

It just ain't gonna happen!

Hell, we ARE what we ARE, and that's the all of it.

Even I know that there can be as much backstabbing and infidelity in bisexual relationships as there are in straight ones.

NO ONE lifestyle is perfect, nor is it exempt from rough and choppy waters........that's simply LIFE, people..................

 

The labels are not redundant; they're placeholders/identifiers so that we can call something... something. If you read more into this, then why would you? That thinking follows along with the current social mindfucking that the sexuality labels don't mean anything when, in fact, they do - and they always have meant something. There are those who would call this a form of erasure but I wouldn't call it that because none of the sexualities can be erased or, yeah, fuck you - just because you don't believe in bisexuality doesn't mean that it's not real. They said the same bullshit about homosexuality and, oh, yeah, it's very damned real, isn't it?

We have this very bad habit of taking what we think and acting like it's something we know for a fact - and we don't. The labels become necessary any time someone looks at me as a bisexual man and wants to make me a gay man an; just because I can have sex like I'm gay but, yeah, it's still sex and no matter who my partner happens to be. He's gay; I'm bi; the guy waiting for his turn is straight - but he won't be for much longer unless he gets in the wind.

Can a gay man be converted? Sure, he can... if he wants to be. I've turned straight men into bisexual cocksuckers and some of them, over time, went right back to being straight - and I know gay men who don't mind getting some pussy. I got 'converted' from being wholly heterosexual to bisexual! This isn't conversion so much as an understanding that just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to subsist on a diet of male cock and asses if you don't want to. "Once gay, always gay" is gay propaganda because people do find and have reason to change their minds about their sexuality and their associated behaviors. It can happen. It has happened and for some guy, it's going to happen to them if he wants it. I got my gay boyfriend to not only try pussy but got him to admit that he liked it - and he never believed that he would.

Do you really believe that any sexuality, once acquired, becomes locked in stone and is unchangeable? Do you? It's sad that there are people who do but, again, I have personally turned very straight men into bisexual men and more so when they believed it to be impossible. Never discount the power of a warm, wet mouth on a hard dick. For some gay men, the holy grail of being gay is to take a straight man's virginity in this regard and, honestly, I don't pretend to understand it but just one of those things I know about that has a bit of truth to it. Does it make sense? It does if you're a gay man and you have a thing for straight guys and you do because they're the forbidden fruit (other than pussy) and just like having sex with men is the bi version of forbidden fruit it all makes sense to those who need to make sense of it.

Backstabbing and infidelity are inherent problems that humanity and our morality has created thanks to its insistence that everyone be monogamous (and we do believe in doing unto others before they do unto us) when there have been studies that have revealed that monogamy is an unnatural state for us. What this has to do with bisexuality and aging - outside of the problems being bi and in a relationship - kinda escapes me at this moment. If anything, one should be aware of all of this stuff while not giving any of it any weight. Sexuality aside, this is the wisdom we gain as we get older as well as adopting the mantra of working smarter and not harder - and the venerable KISS that, when applied, makes all of this less than rocket science but a true study of human nature and sexual behaviors.

Understand this, my bisexual brothers: You can always change your mind about being bisexual if it suits your purposes. You take the word "bisexual", and you understand what it means (and hopefully on my part without the word "gender" being included because it doesn't belong here) - then you go about the business of figuring out how this is going to work for you and not trying to redefine something that doesn't need to be redefined because it's damned near self-explanatory. You take bisexuality - liking both men and women for sex, emotional content, or both - and then you figure out how to make it fit into your life and that's your focus, that's your goal until - or unless - you have reason to change your mind and it's okay if you do because not everyone can be bisexual.

It's still not rocket science but all the social bullshit being spread around makes being bisexual harder than it already was...

 

KDaddy23:

In all seriousness, you would have made an outstanding sex therapist/physcologist.

For this fellow here, I KNOW I'm GAY (and always have been, NEVER showing even the slightest attraction to females)

Being gay (in my case, and in the cases of many other gay males) "being gay" does not mean that I relinquish my masculinity.

I have been, and always will be, 100% "straight" acting.

Am I happy with the way things have turned out for me, being gay in a largely straight world?

Well, let's just say I have endured more than my share of depression and breakdowns over the past few decades; sure, being celibate can get VERY lonely and frustrating......BUT.....you know what?

I made up my OWN mine to remain celibate, and to keep myself out of harm's way.

NO ONE forced to me to live the lifetstyle I live.

I am my OWN man and NO ONE is in charge of my life but MYSELF.

So, my life didn't turn out the way I thought it might?

Well, hell, it ain't a perfect world, by any means, and I am MORE than happy by what I DO have in my life, and I DON't spend my days lamenting over what MIGHT have been.

In this sense, I am a realist, and have no difficulties admitting my shortcomings.

Hell, LIFE is REAL, it ain't fantasy!

Take what you have and be grateful for it!

 

So, for you, how does being a gay man and aging play into your life to date? Does being older change anything for you and, importantly, I think, what does being gay mean to you now and at this point in your life? Aging bi guys seem to have a lot to be concerned about and mostly performance issues but, I've found, being unable to parse being bisexual and especially if they were, as I like to say, late to the party. I had decades to put things into a proper perspective for me being a bisexual male but guys who are late to the party often have a hard time catching up with themselves and figuring out how all of this is going to work for them - then toss in the issues with trying to find guys to have sex with, getting wives/girlfriends involved, stuff like that.

I had realized that straight-acting gay men didn't do bisexual men any favors. I understand why so many felt the need to act like they were straight and more so when the angst against them was dangerous to lethal (depending on where you lived) and, at the least, a straight-acting gay man could find himself ostracized from the social strata just for being gay and no matter if he's 'normally' a masculine kind of guy. Our pig-headed society just assumes that if there are gay men trying to take advantage of the privilege of being straight, why not transfer that shit to bi guys and accuse them of acting straight... when, um, we are straight and especially when we're not doing anything one would consider to be gay.

If you're going to do some acting, act like yourself and not some parody of yourself or acting in a way you think our prudish society might want you to act. The straight-acting gay men I used to know... didn't fool anyone with their straight acting and that includes the ones who married women - and a woman with a ready-made family - to appear to be legitimately straight because they tried too hard to act like they were straight; those guys stuck out like very sore thumbs because you just knew - sensed - that there was something about them that wasn't quite right or their were discrepancies in their "straight" relationship that aroused suspicions. They got exposed and the shit hit the fans for all of them and pretty much ruined them.

They would have been better off acting like themselves instead of something they damned well knew they weren't. I'm just thinking that when you get older, this is something you just innately understand about yourself and there's no need for subterfuge; if you're gay, so what? A lot of people are. A hell of a lot more are bisexual and... so what? Yeah, it makes sense that the older we get, the less fucks we give about stuff...

 

KDaddy25:

Of course, aging isn't FUN for ANY of us, regardless of orientation.

I simply see myself as a "G.O.B." (Gray Old Bachelor)

Funny, I know I'm gay (big news!) but I really do not give it any thought, unless I find myself with my eyes glued to a hot set of juicy, meaty man-mounds when I'm out running errands(!!), or when I'm giving "Peter Palm and his 5 buddies" some extra work(!!)

I watch about three hours total of tv a week (and news reports I am interested in) much preferring to read or watch classic DVDs.

I DO know that in "mainstream network tv" gays and bisexual men are virtually invisible, and, too many times, if you DO see a gay on a program, he is, almost always, depicted into that tired old demeaning stereotype.

So, there is little that i can relate to on the tube (at least on regular programming, but, then again, I'm not much of a tv guy anyway, so no real loss here.

I'm 67 now, and with each passing year, I think more about being another year older, than being gay.

I take what is POSITIVE in my life (hobbies, interests, etc.) and focus on these, instead of feeling down over what I don't have.

Easy enough, as this "G.O.B." has a "bachelor's degree" in bachelorhood.........

 

About "bachelor brothers" or "old bachelor uncles", you often heard the expression: "There's one in every family".......that, basically, is my status in the family (sadly, I am the sole survivor of my immediate family)

Being celibate, I focus on "negative positives":

No threat of STDs

No threat of being bashed (again) or emotionally hurt.

No threat of waking up one morning and mind a "Dear John" letter on the pillow next to me.

I have weathered many a serious crises in my family (including my own issues) but, thankfully, I was strong enough to weather it all, and still survive.

However, I will admit right up front, as I had been backstabbed (with no warning whatsoever) by two platonic (male) friends, I know, in all honesty, I could not handle this if I were suddenly backstabbed by my partner if i were in a serious one-on-one relationship.

My best (older) friend (RIP) was totally straight (but, man, if he were only bi curious!) treated me not only as his best friend, but also, as his brother.

I am still honored for this, so many yerars later.

So....knowing my strengths......as well as my weaknesses......I think I do pretty well on my own, again focusing on "positive negatives" and also focusing on what I HAVE, instead of what I DO NOT have.

Being totally independent.,.....and answering to NO ONE.......works for me!

 

....and, IF we are granted old age (with decent health) do so with dignity, and try to remain as self-reliant and as self-sufficient as is possible.

"Independence"......regardless of our age.......is all too often taken for granted............

 

A serious thought..........

As gay/bisexual men age, how difficult is it for them to find a doctor/specialist etc who is not discriminatory?

I am sure this can be an issue, especially in the more rural areas....................

 

I hear this is a major problem but, honestly, my sexuality is a part of my medical records and I've not had any issues with any of my doctors - and I don't expect to have any where my sexuality is concerned. I wasn't afraid to tell my primary doctor that I'm bisexual; he just nodded, noted in my file - then scheduled lab work to make sure I was nice and clean (but I knew I was but, okay - better to be safe than sorry). I'm not sure if some of these reports of discrimination are legit or it's being presumed that a medical professional is going to discriminate - because it has happened in the past and especially when HIV arrived on our shores and gay, IV drug users were said to be the prime vector.

I'm not even sure if aging is relevant in this; the older you get, the more you need to see doctors to maintain your health and if you don't have a doctor - or you're afraid to go to one, "come out to them," and let them make sure that you're healthy, well, maybe you need to grow up and do the right thing for yourself instead of worrying about what a doctor knows about you and whether or not he/she is going to discriminate because of something that's really none of their personal business although I do acknowledge that they don't have to expose themselves to risks if they think you're contagious (or something like that).

How is this in rural areas? I don't know - I'm a city boy/suburbanite living in a metropolitan area... but doctors are doctors and no matter where they are and if there are "country doctors" still practicing sexuality discrimination and as was going on during the initial HIV outbreak, (1) you need a new doctor, (2) you need to report this doctor to the appropriate authorities and (3) be about being as healthy as you can be and whether you're having sex or not.

Getting older is for the birds... but I can't imagine having a sexuality-related health issue and someone not confiding in a medical professional about their sexuality so they can be properly cared for - that just does not ever make any sense to me. And, yes, I know that just because I've never experienced this doesn't mean that it's not happening.

 

now, i'm not old, relatively speaking, (i'm 37) but from what i've heard from older guys is that indeed their same sex desires have increased/gotten more intense and more frequent as they've gotten older. there is probably a plethora of reasons and of course everyone's experience is different but one common thing i hear is that their wives loose interest in sex and many of them were always curious but that helped push them across the line. plus i think as you get older you get a more "to hell with it" mentality with a lot of things lol

 

That infamous lack of pussy/intimacy with the wife has been responsible for many a man to turn to other men for sex but, yeah, a lot of guys really do say, "Fuck it - how bad can it be?" and they go for it and, yeah, us older guys tend to not give a fuck who knows how we're getting our rocks off now. Mind your business and just think - one day, you're going to be old and not getting any pussy and... pop quiz: What do you do?

 

As I had said before, ageing is NOT a pleasant topic, when speaking in generalities, and, it becames even less than pleasant when it involves gay and bi men, especially if they are without either a male partner or, at least, close friends.

Here, I feel, "bucket list" desires......especially from "bi curious" guys........will come into reality, and a new realm of sexual pleasure can open up for them, especially if their wife or female partner has lost interest in sexual relations............

 

........it is interesting, to say the least, when I read of older bi guys who find themselves more and more attracted to other men, they they are towards women.

Well, they say "with age comes wisdom"!

All kidding aside, IMHO, I think these "desires" are both deeply-seated and ignored for decades.....

 

True enough, some men have suppressed these desires for decades and in favor of keeping their wife happy... and unaware of their bisexuality. Then it emerges at some point and demanding attention and things get interesting as they want to do something about it but still have reason to try to suppress things - but once this genie is out of the bottle, there's no putting it back. Yes, some guys decide that when the wife has given up on sex and being intimate, getting with a man just makes all the sense in the world... even if the man in question has never, ever, given a single thought about having sex with a guy. Some guys do find they have a greater attraction toward men than women - and usually when they've gained "quite a bit" of sexual experience with men and older men aren't trying to be about any drama and, as such, enhancing the attraction factor.

Aging might not be a pleasant topic but it is a fact of life and one that cannot - and should not - be ignored. Getting older doesn't mean that it's over - it really ain't over until it's over and you've shuffled off this mortal coil. Until then, why not keep living to the best of your ability? Why not explore certain suppressed or undiscovered desires? If you have a bucket list, isn't it about time to start checking stuff off the list... and, yeah, I'll say it: Why be alone when you don't have to be? I know what you've told me about yourself and I cannot argue your position but... I still wouldn't have let something that happened a long time ago make such a drastic change in my life but, then again, I couldn't be, and I shudder to think about being alone in my golden years and then having to face being in my final moments and knowing that I deprived myself... and for what?

I digress, though. Humans are sociosexual critters; we have rules that govern our behaviors in these things and there are rule breakers galore because obeying the rules just isn't working, from expressing one's homosexuality to the expression of one's bisexuality and no matter when it arrives to pay a life-changing visit. Whether you're in it for just the sex or for the deeper emotional connection - or both - this is something to be enjoyed and not kept hidden...

 

KDaddy23:

Yet another excellent post; being that you've had so much experience (sexually) on "both sides of the fence" for most of your life, you indeed know what you are talking about.

Even I know that a lot of straight guys think, once they get married, they'll have access to pussy 24/7........how fast the reality sets in, after the honeymoon is over.

You've stated many times in the past (and correctly, I might add) that if sex with another man is so WRONG, HOW, then, can it feel so GOOD?

IMHO, bisexuality needs no label.....sex IS sex PERIOD, no matter WHO (of legal age) is involved.

I've long believed that the desire for sex is, perhaps, one of the strongest links between modern man and his "primitive" ancestors, who lived many thousands of years ago...................

 

The label is needed for identification purposes. The sex is what it is and bisexuality is more than just the sex and as so many men and women tend to find out when their feelings emerge - and if they haven't already. Our social norms have fucked us all up where having sex is concerned and to the extent that even when our body is telling us what we need to do, we ignore it, suppress it; insist that having sex isn't that important and, really, dude, is that all you ever think about? We're hard wired to have sex; we are designed to be sexually attracted to each other and no matter if it's boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl and we tend to mindfuck ourselves into believing that we're not feeling what we're feeling. You have that moment of a same-sex attraction and it is so weird because we've been told that it cannot be this way - yet, you're feeling what you're feeling and you know that it's real and one of the nice things about being bi and older is... not giving a fuck about the social dumb shit and going with the flow of things because... why the hell not?

Society and our morals have it all wrong and the world is filled with bisexuals who continue to prove that the way it's supposed to isn't the only way it can be.

 

Well said, my friend, WELL said.

More so-called "enlightened" individuals should have both your common sense and your professional insight............

 

there is an age when you can no longer fuck. so, what to do. can't fuck then suck. my area 08060 has cocks but not very active. tried looking for black cock
which has been negative. guess black cocks here don't look for BJ's from white guys............... maybe tomorrow..