Bi married...secret

Its a hard topic to discuss really, cause anyone who has been cheated on (i.e. myself) is going to immediately go on the attack, and say the things to you that they wish they could say to the person who was dishonest to them.

Were there ever discussions with your wife about her jealousy and what she would perfer to happen?

 

understood, and I again appreciate that you're conversing rather than denouncing.

Well, that conversation (however it started) led to her embarrassing our friend and, for all intents and purposes, ending our shenanigans together by driving him away; that aspect eclipsed the "I occsionally would like to enjoy a cock" aspect. Also coincided with a number of unrelated things, and we never really got back to it. I do believe that the best way would be to restart the conversation..."hey by the way, remember that time...?" And that might lead to a new place. I find it hard to believe, though, since jealousy is insecurity. If she felt insecure in an environment in which she eventually had total control (our friendly three-ways), I don't know how I could assure her in a(n idealistically) lesser situation.

On the one hand, if it were as simple as "I really like Dr Pepper, but it's bad for me, so I won't drink it anymore", there would be no need to even have this conversation. It's obviously a more deep-seated desire (and perhaps self destructive, given the circumstances). On the other hand, is it so important that it's worth risking a marraige? So slippery.

For whatever it's worth, I absolutely believe that if I were having sex with another woman, this is a fundamentally different conversation. But I'm not, so here I am.

 

also like to add: on the flip side of your first para, that even despite the annonymity of the net, there is still a feeling of vulnerability putting something out there...so when a percieved attack happens, it's pretty hard not to attack back. So I'm glad we seem to be done attacking, and once more appreciate your effort towards that.

 

It's not a problem. You could perhapes suggest going to a swingers club in your area, and allow her to go off and do her thing as well, then you probably wouldn't feel as bad because she would see you go off with others, she would be going off with others, and in that social enviroment it's harder to be hostile, (don't ask me how that works..when I was in a open relationship it was alot nicer at a club)