Bi married men: If you knew then what you know now.....

It's quite obvious that, lacking a crystal ball, none of us can forsee the future; many times, in later years, we find ourselves berating ourselves for missed chances, risks we wish had taken, things we wish we could have done differently.

It is so important to be true to oneself, and not to ignore your true desires...........

 

so true .. fulfilling my desires as often as possible

 

I'd pick your #2 option of a bi wife, but add playing with both the husband and wife of another bi couple.

My first serious GF I introduced to the family was bi, but she got scared off that I was serious about her. I think she was just a bit too young at the time? But the sex was amazing with her and she loved it! She had a female coworker who talked about pegging her husband to her, and we went to a concert together. I think I missed out on the chance of telling her about my bi interests! But I was still kinda unsure myself about it then?

 

I’m happily married with two teenagers. I’ve always had the bi interest and I’ve met with guys here and there. The apps make it frighteningly easy.

move been on a break from it for a while but I have this younger guy that I met who became obsessed and won’t leave me alone. We only met a few times and nothing for over a year. He started a career similar to mine (another company) which I have since surmised was part of the obsession. When I stopped communications he’s been harassing me constantly. He quit that job, and now works in a lower pid job and he blames me for it. He’s threatened to out me to my wife and says he wants to turn my life to ash. He really has it in my mind I owe him something but we were clear in meeting what the deal was. Despite the constant harassment he still asks if we can hook up again.

Not sure if you’ve seen this before but not sure what to do.

 

Nathan:

The best advice I could give you is to, simply, use your common sense, and not to underestimate your "gut feeling".

There are some VERY unpredictable people out there, for sure, who will easily blackmail another if they do not get what they want.

This character sounds like someone with some really serious issues.

Again, stay calm, think rationally, and listen to your "gut" feeling........unstable, vindictive people like this are one of the prime reasons I've stayed totally celibate my entire live (I'm a masculine gay male, 66 years old)

Keep us informed as to what transpires....certainly it all works out in your favor.......

BTW: Welcome to the board!

 

Thanks. I’ve kept an email open for him so I can let him vent. I am unfailingly nice and despite the threats have never said anything nasty back. I think he has behavioral issues and could use a therapist. I’m working on him just losing interest and moving on.

 

I think that this a smart move on your part.

I agree; this guy indeed has some behavioral/emotional issues, and certainly could would not be the kind of individual to get "involved" with, on ANY level....good luck in ridding yourself of this pathetic character.......

 

This misguided fellow could, indeed, very well "move on", for sure; however, he could also become more and more resentful of being ignored.

Hopefully, he will just grow weary of this misguided charade, and simply vanish into the woodwork for good.

I think Nathan is handling this very sensitive situation as best he can; in dealing with such an immature/needy person such as this, much care needs to be taken.

Certainly hope that the "tide will turn" in his favor..............

 

You have encountered what most of us married guys fear the most, a bi/ gay version of the movie Fatal Attraction!
My thinking is keep a record of his communications and especially threats of blackmail, which is a very illegal thing to do. Set up a camera with color night vision at your front door and mailbox, to see if he's stalking your home?

 

Suburbanray:

VERY good advice, for certain.

Being single and celibate my entire life, something of this nature is something I have often thought about, and then take solace in the fact that, even though I am totally alone (and always will be), I have no chance of being "outed" or, even worse, stalked by some misguided, unrelenting, low-life individual.

A situation such as Nathan is now (sadly) encountering, is just one of the reasons why I have no interest whatsoever in trying to find a like-minded man, even just for friendship.

These days, there are simply too many nut jobs out there, and, all too often, you CANNOT judge a book by its cover.

This is something that, I, as a celibate, masculine, 66-year old gay man has always feared.

I sure hope that Nathan's ongoing problem will soon be a thing of the past..........

 

He’s not a low life, he’s troubled. And he’s young which was my mistake. Youngsters are generally self absorbed.

my hope is that given he hasn’t outed me so far, in what amounts to nearly a year, he’s won’t. He’s frustrated because he dropped his engineering job and is bussing tables. His choice - I had nothing to do with it. But he puts the blame at my feet. I think until he gets his career straight I will be the butt of his frustration. Of course, he’s still hooking up with other guys….

 

I hear you; a "troubled" person is indeed someone is needs some sort of professional helptherapy to help them get their lives "back on track".

I would tend to agree with you; if he hasn't "outed" you by now, he probably never will.

Still in all, he does bear watching, and it is important that you not let your guard down, no matter what.

You said this guy is a young man; could it possibly be that he is still looking for a "daddy" figure in his life

I'm only guessing here, but, then again, you never quite know what is going on within someone else's mind......

 

A good rule to follow:

If a relationship "seems to good to be true", it probably is.

Another:

Never ignore your "gut feeling"; in many instances, it is more valid than you realize, especially relationship-wise; likewise, NEVER underestimate simple "common sense"........

 

.........when you men discovered you were sexually aroused by other men, I am sure that many of you tried to "dismiss" these urges and feelings, thinking that you might be "queer", and put all your focus into females,not wanting to be thought of as a "fag"(labeling is not only distasteful, it's ignorant and hurtful)

Then again, I am sure many of you, at an early age, found out that you were strongly attracted to BOTH genders.

Did you finally admit to yourself that you were not going to let your desires "define" who you were, and simply enjoy relations with both men and women, and toss being "labeled" aside?

 

I can’t say I would change anything. My wife is a wonderful person, even though she has lost her sex drive. I love her. And I can satisfy my sexual desires elsewhere.

 

Papa:

An EXCELLENT posting; I am sure many fellows have shared your very experiences.

Long before I knew of the meaning of "sexual", I already knew I was only attracted to males.

I used to spend a LOT of "quality" time eagerly browsing through the men's underwear section of the old SEARS catalogues, and, every so often, ESQUIRE (if I happened across a copy when visiting someone who had a subsription); the ads for "Kangaroo" jockey briefs in this magazine always featured a VERY hairy, HANDSOME hunk in TIGHT briefs and a T-shirt......let's just say he was the "star" of many early j/o sessions!

Ditto Glen Campbell and Robert Redford, for sure!

Anyway, I knew I was only attracted to males long before I began hearing the stupid, hurtful monikers such as "queer", "fag", "homo", etc.

As you know I am TOTALLY celibate (and always have been; being bashed by a friend/coworker back in 1986 simply for admitting I was gay.was one of the many reasons I decided not to try to "make a connection" with a close buddy/potential life partner.

"Man-crushes": man, I've had too many too count over the years (and still do), the most serious was the one I had on my best friend Jim, who I worked with a number of years before he retired.

He was TOTALLY 100% straight (married, on wife #2), and not the SLIGHTEST bit bi-curious..

This big, hulking Italian guy KNEW I (not surprisingly) REALLY was turned on by him, and he always took it good-naturedly; we became as close as brothers, and used to have a lot of crazy adventures together, over the years......though I very honored with the tight emotional bond we had, man, did I want the SEXUAL, and STILL fantasize about him today (RIP, he is now gone 13 years)

I always thought the term "gay" to be totally "off-course" for describing a man who is turned on by other males.

"Gay", many, many years ago, USED to mean "happy"; well, let me tell you,my friend, being gay (at least for me) has been anything BUT happy

Thankfully, I have many hobbies that keep me busy.

Anyway, I just take one day at a time.

I am man enough to admit that I could never handle being in a relationship that the other guy suddenly broke off.

I've weathered many a storm in my 66 years, but something of that magnitude I KNOW I could not deal with.

To those gay men with faithful, supportive, loving partners, I say :"You are luckier than you realize; never take what you have for granted"..................