Bi married men: If you knew then what you know now.....

.......if you are a bisexual married male who has, as he ages, found that sex with your wife has become a sometimes thing, coupled with a rising desire to be with other males for sex/friendships (instead of females), in reflecting back, would you have married at all?

Would you have stayed single and "played the field" on both sides of the fence, instead of marrying and denying your inner yearnings for other men?

"Live long and prosper"

 

I married to raise kids. I do not regret that decision to get married and raise kids. After the kids left the nest, my former wife and I divorced because we were not getting it on anymore.

I don't plan on raising any more kids, so I doubt I will get married again. I have a wonderful female lover, several close female friends and one male friend who I talk with regularly, and an occasional male lover. I love all of them, and do not enter sexual encounters as casually as I did when I was younger. As far as I know, my ex-wife is no longer sexually active.

Monogamy seems somewhat necessary for raising kids but is not my cup of tea at this late stage in life. I respect all of my closest friends and lovers, but none of them own me and I own no one. I don't live with any of them full-time, but I love all of them. As the late Jesse Fuller said in one of his songs, "We all need each other, oh-whoa you know it's true!".

 

You sound like you are a man with much common sense.

I am a 65-year old gay man, who has been totally celibate his entire life.

So, of course, no one "owns" me, and I "own" no one.

Despite my intense loneliness at times (and it CAN get painful, believe me), when I see how complex the lives of so many gay and bisexual men are, I truly relish my own independence and freedom.

My only friends are are a few "phone/internet buddies", only one of which I have ever met in person.

My best friend (whom I also worked with for a number years) who was also like a brother to me, passed away 13 years ago; I still fantasize about he and I having a sexual relationship (as well as the close emotional bond we shared) but, even I knew that was beyond impossible, as he was straight and married.

However, I could not have asked for a more supportive and dedicated buddy, RIP.

Regardless, I have tremendous respect for gay and bisexual men who know how to "make things work".

I also have great respect for bisexual married men who are honest and open about who they are; then again, I also have much respect for those bisexual married males who, somehow, manage to keep their marriages intact, as well as being able to enjoy intimate relationships with other males......

"Live long and prosper"

 

For a married bi male to "juggle" top totally different lifestyles is, indeed, atkin to performing a tightwire act.

IF a married bi male has a wife who not only is aware of her husband's attraction to other men, BUT, is also AGREEABLE to it, can make married life so much easier, for all concerned.

He is, without a doubt, one of the VERY lucky ones.

However, IF the wife discovers her husband's true sexuality and does NOT respond favorably, things can get VERY ugly indeed.

This I know from reading many accounts, here.

How to preserve your marriage, but NOT deny your true desires...........NOT an easy task, I am sure......

"Live long and prosper"

 

I wouldn't change anything I did; it's been a wonderful journey. My first wife of 25 years provided children and was a great lover in the beginning. The last 10 years of our marriage she had hot and cold spells concerning sex with me. It was frustrating as I began alternatives for satisfaction. Yes, getting together with other guys for no-questions asked blowjobs. The last 5 years of that marriage involved NO SEX between us as my escapades with other married men began to really blossom. We eventually divorced for reasons other than what I am talking about. I'm remarried now 10 years to a woman I made aware of my desires for cock, and she's accepted it and encourages it, and many times has been involved. Yes, I am lucky because I can openly do so now and not have to hide anything. Hell, my present wife has turned me on to the pleasures of receiving anal sex which I thought would never happen.

 

LowHangers:

You are, without a doubt, one of the VERY fortunate bi married males; many others are, as you know, not so fortunate.

It must be a great feeling, indeed, to be able to live your lifestyle OPENLY and FREELY, without the need to hide anything.

Good to hear from one guy who has it all "working for him"......

"Live long and prosper"

 

Yes I would have

 

....just imagine if we (as bi and gay men) could go back in time to our younger years, and correct the mistakes we made, as well as perhaps take that chance that we didn't at the time, but now, years later, wish we had.....

"Live long and prosper"

 

I am married and have wonderful kids but didn’t start playing with men until I was 40. God I wish I started when I was in my 20’s. wouldn’t change the marriage and kids but really think I would have had some great fun in those early years

 

As a 66-year old gay man who has been celibate his entire life, one who always thought that being gay in a largely straight world was complicated enough, but, after reading so many the accounts of married bi males, I can indeed see just how COMPLEX (and often heart-wrenching) a bi married man's life is.

Indeed, NO WALK in the park, from what I can see,

So sad, that, because of so much social and religious bigotry in our society, that many men who FAR prefer sex with other men than with a woman, get married, and raise a family (in order to conform to "straight" values), all the while denying their deep-seated yearnings and, also, denying their true selves.....

"Live long and prosper"

 

Life is indeed full of "ifs"; FAR too many.......trust me, my friend, I know this all to well.

What IF I had been STRAIGHT instead of GAY?

What IF I had been BISEXUAL instead of GAY?

What IF I had been in a one-on-one relationship with another loyal, loving, caring man?

Too bad, my friend, that you and your friend Dennis could not have become life partners.

Knowing the kind of man you are....thoughtful, considerate, caring, and fun to be with........Dennis would have been, indeed a VERY lucky fellow......

"Live long and prosper"

 

I would still have married, even though I had no kids with her, just been open from the start. Of course, that might have meant she wouldn't have married me! It's just brutal that about 60% of women refuse to date bi guys, even women who are bi themselves!
I would have found other places to meet bi men, looked into polyamory, as either 40 or 60% of guys are bi, or leaning, plus a high percentage of women are bi, too.

 

Strange, that most bi women won't date a bi guy....can't figure that one out!

This is making me now wonder.......would a STRAIGHT guy date a BI guy, IF he thought of the bi guy as his "significant other", regarding a m/m relationship, OR, just regard him as a "playmate" for m2m action?

I would think it all has to do with the emotional "connection" that might develop between them, to take them beyond the "just getting together for sex" aspect..

Anyway, that's just my 2 1/ 2 cents worth........

"Live long and prosper"

 

....I guess, as in ALL types of dating, the "spark" has to be there....that certain something, perhaps a combination of sexual attraction and the elementry " I like you" factor that has much to do with a sold "connection" between two individuals.....

"Live long and prosper"

 

I would marry the right one the next time around. Bi thoughts were rare when I was getting laid regularly. I would have played the field until I found one of those high sex drive women and done everything to keep her craving my dick. I sure blew it twice. I explored bi feelings when things goit desperate, and found out I really got off to it.

 

From an earlier post about bi guys dating for a relationship vs just having play mates.
I've been strictly hetero-romantic my whole life. I had a deep chat with a bi guy in another forum who said he was the same way until he met the right gay/ bi guy, and it changed his outlook.

I only once had a bi crush on a guy in college,but didn't understand it at the time. Even then, I think it was just wanting a close friendship, not romantically? For me, I just desire a playmate that I can be close friends with, but would settle for just a "buddy". With the risks of STI's, I don't really want any one off's any more. Though if I could do so free of any disease risk, would love to try an all male orgy at a bath house, party, or one of the horse markets!

 

bathhouse are fun!!

 

while i don't regret marrying my wife .. i have thought about this many times and would have either of the following

1/ if i had my time over i would have taken on a male life partner and had an open relationship with a revolving door of men sharing with my partner or alone
2/ if i had my time over i would have married a bi lady and enjoyed an open relationship with other bi couples .. husband for me and the wife for my wife