Bi Married Males: Complexity/Sacrifices

Fellows:

First of all, let me state here that I have tremendous respect for those bi married males who, somehow, "make it all work".

Having a wife and family, (as well as many related responsibilities) indeed, can impose quite serious complications on a bi married males "other" sex life.

There are those bi married men who have wives who are very tolerant of their spouse's m/m side; others are merely tolerant.

These are the very fortunate ones.

Then there are those wives who would go ballistic and threaten divorce.

As a single, gay, celibate male, with no experience in ANY sort of relationship whatsoever, I have much great respect and admiration for those men who can "juggle" their m/f and m/m relationships.

I have heard many stories from bi married males here (a few, also, have since become very good friends) where their marriages would, surely, crumble, and they would stand to lose everything if their wives discovered their bi side.

Aside from those fortunate men who have very tolerant spouses, I am curious how a bi married male remains a loyal and steadfast family provider, while also, not denying his true inner self, the inner self that requires intimacy with another man, for physical relations, emotional bonding, or both.

I have learned much about the complexities and emotional perils involved in these situations from the many comments I've read here; how does a bi married male "juggle" both sides of his life?

From what I understand, it is never easy, by any means.......

 

Thanks for your interest. I have been married for 22 years, so that thing has a life of its own. I have suppressed my bi side for a long time, but it has not been difficult; it has only been coming on much stronger lately. So I guess I am "making it work" as you say, but my wife doesn't quite know how much I want to be with a man. It's not easy, but hey, what is?

 

You are most welcome.

Being a lifelong celibate (single) gay man is often trying and difficult enough, but I cannot even begin to fathom what it must feel like to be a bi married mail, trying to squelch urges than only become stronger through years.

I cannot be at all easy, that is for certain.

Keep the faith, my friend.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

My introduction to bi sex was during a MFM threesome. It seemed very natural.

 

Here is a practical real world example of the difficulty of juggling. I can't find my phone. I remember last night, I hid it somewhere so that wifey wouldn't see my texts. Unfortunately, I was drunk, so I also hid it from myself! I know it's here somewhere, I'm searching, can't find it. Can't call it from another phone, because I purposely have the ringer off. So ridiculous

 

Don't feel bad, my friend.

I'm forever doing stuff like that; I can't blame age, because I was doing the SAME thing years ago!

I have had enough experience to know that, that when I'm NOT looking for a lost item, 10-to-1 THAT's when it miraculously TURNS UP!

Yup, the "real world" is enough of a challenge for most folks, and even more so for some of us.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

Then, too, how do the children of a bi married male react when they discover that their dad is bisexual?

Are they supportive of him?

Do they chastise him?

Disown him?

Or, do they simply not care, one way or the other?

The VERY LUCKY ones are the ones whose families rally around him, with support, understanding, and love.

Even more complexity, added to an already often-volatile situation......

"Live long and prosper"

 

papa:

If I could "change the past", in some way, I would make it that you did not have to go through so much heartache and turmoil with your family.

I cannot even BEGIN to fathom how you must have felt inside; God bless you, my friend, for your strength and your resilience.

They often say "the truth hurts"; what you just wrote is a perfect example of this.

How very sad that so many of us have to endure such pain, simply because we've admitted to those we love who we REALLY are inside.

It's NEVER easy, to be sure.

In today's too-often bigoted society, being a gay or bi man (married or single) is SELDOM easy, and requires a tremendous amount of courage to live your life in the way you choose, a way that will make YOU happy........

"Live long and prosper"

 

.......just was thinking of the many injustices that gay and bisexual men endure here at home; I cannot even imagine what they must endure in countries like Russia, and also, in the Middle East.

I cannot even begin to fathom how gay and bisexual men can endure as they obviously have had to, for many decades, facing imprisonment......or worse.

So many cruel injustices here at home........imagine the injustices inflicted in certain foreign countries.

So much for "civilized" societies............

"Live long and prosper"

 

I think of that often...they kill people for being gay in Iran and other countries. As tough as life can be for bi/gay males here, we are damn lucky to have ben born here!

 

I am in total agreement, my friend; as bad as things are here nowadays for gay and bisexual men, it could be far, far worse, with one's very life at stake.

It is, indeed, VERY frightening to contemplate; a man being imprisoned, tortured, and/or killed, simply for having preferences that are not considered "normal" by the narrow-minded, heterosexual majority.

Most certainly, a gay or bi male would do well to avoid traveling to ANY part of the world (I've read about many injustices, to say the least, in much of Africa) where it is virtual suicide for a gay or bi male simply to EXIST.

"Home, Sweet, Home", indeed.........stay in the USA, and be SAFE (at least, SAFE in comparison to many other parts of the world).........

"Live long and prosper"

 

I don't think the majority is hetero. I think we are all gay to some degree, but the "hetero" crowd are homophobic and in denial of that side of themselves, because of societal pressures.

 

You made, I think, a good point, my friend.

That's why I always wonder about "straight" males who "bottom" for shemales; I could be TOTALLY wrong, BUT, I truly believe that many (but not all) "straight" guys who get highly stimulated in such scenarios are, deep down, wishing it was another male.

Again, I'm only voicing my own personal opinion here.

Why can't a MALE........ANY male.....just enjoy SEX to its fullest, with both males and females, and NOT feel stigmatized or less masculine?

The human mind is quite complicated, as are emotions and the "inner being"; too, I think it also has to do with boys being raised by "Johnny Macho" fathers who instill it in them, at an early age, that MEN don't cry, nor do they show emotion.

And, even close (platonic) m/m friendships are often suspect in many eyes, nowadays.

What absolute garbage.

Just think of how many "straight" men are raised in such a manner; and, if they DO "bond" with another male, it is at a topless club or a sports bar, where some m/m "bonding", if you will, is above suspect.

I have had a number of serious breakdowns in my adult life (I am now 65), and a large part of it stems from my being the "odd man out" in a largely straight world.

When I see what the world is like these days, full of violence, ignorance, and unscrupulous individuals, I'm glad that I have remained celibate my entire life, and "bond" with the few friends I have, via phone and e-mails.

I was beaten badly by a "friend" I trusted back in 1986, simply for admitting my true self; that incident battered me far more emotionally than physically, in that it left me unable to trust and reach out to another male for companionship.

That is why I so greatly admire gay/bi men who are fortunate to enjoy m/m relationships, and derive as much pleasure as they can from these relationships, physical, emotional, whatever.

None of us, gay or bi, can do BETTER than we are already doing; just merely EXISTING day-to-day can be exhausting and draining, in so many ways.........

"Live long and prosper"

 

....today the bill protecting same-sex marriage was (at last) written into law.

Though the news was quite welcoming, to be sure, I could not help but think of those gay men living in countries where they could face imprisonment.....or death.......if they dared to come out.

God bless America!

Now, if we could ONLY decimate bigotry and intolerance.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

I definitely think you are right, those "straight" males are imagining taking it from another male. As you say, most likely a product of their fathers and society drilling into them an unrealistic idea of "masculinity".

I am sorry about your ordeal in 1986, my friend, and that you have at other times felt "the odd man out". Much love!

 

Appreciate your kind words, my friend!

I also see you agree about my theory that many "straight" guys who bottom (shemales/pegging) are not as "straight" as they seem, due to society drilling into their minds that anything even remotely associated with "gay behavior" is wrong.

The human mind (like sexuality) is something quite complex, and, except for a professional, almost impossible to fathom.

It is indeed sad, that, even in the "advanced" 2000's, we STILL are in a world where it is often difficult, if not impossible, to be able to admit one's true sexuality, without fear.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

Totally agree, they are not "straight". I actually believe that nobody is "straight", and that we are all somewhere on a spectrum of attraction to humans that includes attraction to all sexes/genders. I believe that those who protest so much and rail against that are frightened homophobes. Frightened of those feelings within themselves. So sad for them, and sad/tragic that they take that out on others.

 

Again, I am in TOTAL agreement with you.

It is, indeed, bad enough when "frightened homophobes" deny their own deep-seated lustings and desires, but, it is FAR, FAR worse when they take out their aggressions and denials by taking it out on others, both verbally and physically.

As "enlightened" and as technology-advanced we are today in 2023, we still so much of a "barbaric" society; look at the tremendous uptick in bias crimes, during the past few years, targeting Jews, Asians, gays, Muslims, as well as others.

I read, long ago, that "many fear what they do not understand".

Think about it.....it DOES indeed ring true, given these sad and despicable attacks on others who are deemed "different" by hate-mongering bigots.

Tolerance-wise, we STILL have many, many light-years to go.........

"Live long and prosper"

 

A gay (or bi) man who is lucky enough to have a loving, supporting male partner/lover/buddy at his side, to help him through the rough times, and for trying to survive in an all-too-often bigoted world on a daily basis, is, im my eyes, truly blessed.

Trust me, when you have to endure TOTALLY alone, with NO ONE at your side, it drains you both emotionally and physically.......and leaves you tired, weary, depressed, and lamenting for what MIGHT have been, and (at least in my case) never will.......................

"Live long and prosper"