Not long ago, I came to the realization that I was bi. I now accept my physical attraction towards men. (Not feeling emotionally attracted though). Being in a long term relationship, I wonder how I can fulfill my needs. My partner knows about my bi side, but I don't feel she is ready for me to explore that route. So I wonder if anyone in that situation could tell me how they managed to fulfill both needs or if like me you decided to turn it off and only fantasized about it? Thanks
Fortunately, my wonderful partner does not feel the need to "own" me. We live in separate houses and never pry into every detail of the other person's daily life. We treat each other with utmost respect and always look forward to being together. I would never subject her to health risks, so whenever I get sensual with a man, I only engage in safe encounters. The men in my life have never wanted to own me, either, and they have also been very conscious of health and safety. This has been happening for most of my life, so I don't consider it to be unusual. However, I understand that most men might have a difficult time with it. Most men have very limited or no experience with male-male sensuality and are somewhat defensive about even having thoughts about it. But after many years of being pan sexual, I've learned that it is possible to discreetly love other men without turning it into a marriage contract, an ownership situation, or a huge scandal. By the way, I've also learned that the best male lovers are the ones who actually enjoy being with you for reasons other than sex.
I can relate to this quite a bit. I develop feelings for guys I've had sex with... and I agree with your statement - a lot of men do not allow themselves to be sensual with another man, or be affectionate, or show you care... I have one friend I've known for a few years - we have had very intimate, and we finally confessed that we love one another. It was an interesting conversation. He is married, first of all, to a man - and I am married to a woman - his marriage is solid - my marriage? Well, it's more of an arrangement than a marriage... anyway - he was concerned that I might think I could interject myself into his life - I assured him I understood very well this thing called love - and did not want some sort of marriage thing... It's interesting - now, when I spend a weekend or visit them for a short time, I love his husband, too - but he and I do not have sex. I don't want to be owned, but I sure enjoy the feeling of the love connection. What I find to be a challenge is to move those intimate relationships to include other activities besides just sex... I want to have sex, but I also want the friendship or the love... but that's a hard concept for men.
I’m not sure that I agree with you that someone who isn’t comfortable with their partner being with other people would be considered “trying to own them”. But otherwise I think you have a lot of good points. My wife knows that I’m bi, but we haven’t talked about it in a long time. And though I wouldn’t be looking at any men for a relationship, I agree that having a friendship or some other relationship other than strictly sex, would make the whole experience more meaningful and quite frankly, hotter. I, unfortunately, have no one to explore with at the moment, and haven’t for some time. Would love it though. So to answer the OP’s question, I have no idea how to satisfy both sides, as quite frankly, I haven’t been able to do so. And possibly never will.
