Bi/gay men and suicide......

In today's too-often bigoted society, one cannot help but wonder if gay males are more "tolerated" than bisexual men.

To me, there is STILL a LONG way to go towards FULL acceptance and tolerance.

Personally, when I was still working in a large corporate workplace, it seemed (from what I heard) there was not much tolerance from straights towards either bisexual or gay men.

Strange, thoough, how "gay is ok" to straight men if they are watching a LESBIAN porn video, but, seeing two MALES engaging in sex is disgusting and repulsive.

Two LESBIANS are still two GAY individuals.

I have even noticed this on news reports on television; any time there is something on gay rights/marriage, the footage of lesbian couples to gay male couples is greatly favoring the females.

Again, I cannot fathom it out, and i have long since stopped trying to.

After all, GAY is GAY, and is GAY regardless of the genders involved, if it is involving two (consenting) males of the same sex.

Tolerance and ACCEPTANCE are for ALL...............

"Live long and prosper"

 

Allow me to share a VERY "on the mark" Native American saying:

".......Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins for two weeks.......*

(from an old Native American prayer)

*This wise old saying indeed has MUCH to say, regarding anti-gay/bisexual prejudice................

"Live long and prosper"

 

Thank you, @thepapasmurph. I too am so glad that you did not drive into the bridge abutment on the highway and are able to stop the thoughts that come back to you from time to time trying to push you to a darker place. We need you on this forum. We need you in this world.

My gosh, I can't believe your brother-in-law is like that. How can one be so vicious against another person (you) and their feelings, let alone their own sister. He must be suffering a lot within his own mind to attack others like that. So sad. I can't even imagine what it must've felt like for you to have to scramble to come out to your wife before he destroyed you, her and your kids on his own. That's every married bi man's worst fear, I'm sure. Our same-sex feelings and desires that we have are not within our control, and certainly are not things that we choose. I always wonder whether the actions these kinds of people take, whether it's expressing hatred for bi and gay people in general, ridiculing them, outing them, beating them, etc., are coming from a deep place within them that is terrified of their own same-sex feelings and desires. The external attacks they make are subconsciously directed at themselves. How sad.

 

As a gay man who came within a hair of jumping off of a ferry in the middle of the Hudson River, 20-odd years ago, I WELL KNOW how deep the pain of rejection from an unjust and narrow-minded society can eat away at your very being.

How I just wanted to END the pain and FINALLY be at peace.

Thankfully, the fates dictate that I live, so, here I am right at this moment, typing these words for others to read.

Believe me, I know FULL well how unjust and cruel the straight world can be; I cannot even begin to fathom how much turmoil and anguish so many bi married males must endure, from family, relatives, and friends.

Why can't we simply ACCEPT one another for WHO we are, and treat each other with respect and dignity?

We still have so much to learn, regarding tolerance towards others.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

I'm very glad you didn't jump off the ferry. We need thoughtful and compassionate people like you in this world, @GrayGuy57.

What the crazy thing is that almost all people thinking about or actually committing suicide believe just the way that you did, that killing themselves will end their pain and leave them finally be at peace. Unfortunately, the very opposite is true. Of course this depends on your religious beliefs, so as a Buddhist I believe this is 100% true, that the suffering you will endure after committing suicide will be almost infinitely greater than the suffering you're experiencing now, in a hellish rebirth for countless aeons. It's just how our mind works, and how the universal law of karma (a special instance of the law of cause-and-effect) works. It is one of the great tragedies of our present existence.

 

I thank you for your kind words, my friend.

You mentioned Buddhist; I have read of Anna Leonowens (governess to the Royal Children of King Mongkut of Siam) who far preferred the teachings of Buddha to much she had heard preached at her in her own religion.

"........she thought to herself how she had come to prefer the passive Buddha to the fire and brimstone rained down upon her each Sunday....."

"......here, there was not a Hell, just the eternal peace which Buddha had sought and found....."

So, again, it indeed seems that the aftermath of suicide is delved into by our own individual beliefs.

Personally, I firmly and truly believe that if someone is in so much emotional pain that they want to take their own life, that the "Big Man In Charge" (whomever we believe him to be) would have to cast a sympathetic heart upon someone so tormented that they wanted simply to die.

Regardless, that a gay or a bi man wants to end his life because of a cruel and unjust largely heterosexual society, is indeed sad, tragic, and wasteful.

Tolerance and understanding cost NOTHING......too bad too many do not know how to use these simple, yet profoundly powerful weapons against hatred.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

One does not have to b e told how high the suicide rates are among non-heterosexuals, both gays and bisexuals

To say I am continually angered by the thought of so many good people taking their own lives due to hostility and bigotry, because of their sexual identities, is indeed a gross understatement.

It costs NOTHING to be open-minded....it costs NOTHING to ACCEPT other people for who they ARE.

So, WHY do so many people have such tremendous dignity in accepting those who are "different" than they are?

They say that "people fear what they do not (or cannot) understand".

Narrow-minded individuals indeed SHOULD truly learn how to UNDERSTAND others, and NOT just those who are "just like them"........

"Live long and prosper"

 

Here's a "must read" on homophobia (very in-depth article)......

Homophobia - Wikipedia

 

If some misguided individuals consider suicide as "the coward's way" out, obviously, they have NEVER felt the intense sense of pain, anguish, loneliness, and hopelessness that is so very much part of many a gay/bisexual man's life..

Think about......do you know how TORTURED a man has to be to even THINK about suicide?

Trust me, I know all too well....thankfully, I am still hear to type these words here.......

"Live long and prosper"

 

We need to live life one day at the time.
Sometimes we don't see it, then we need to take a step back from our situation and love life, each other and ourselves.

 

VERY sensible words..........indeed, words to live by!

Sadly, for many gay/bi men, it is not that simple to follow your (intelligent) philosophy; many negative circumstances can seriously weigh down their day-to-day lives.....believe me, I know this all to well.

Courage and resilience are indeed valuable tools to work with, here........

"Live long and prosper"

 

Boy all of these stories are tough to read. It’s tragic that so many reach a level of despair that the only solution that makes sense at the time is to end their life. Again tough to read but important to read and try to understand. I think it’s important to recognize the signs there are when we see them of a societal dynamic that leads to hate. My belief is that there are those that for what ever reason need to have their hate legitimized, and they look for an opportunity to feel better about them selves at the expense of others.

I’m glad each of you are here to tell your stories. My guess is that in doing so there are those that in identifying a struggle that is overcome will be helped in overcoming their own. Thank you.

 

One of the many positive qualities of this board, Windman, is that so many of us can use it as an outlet....a very IMPORTANT and VITAL outlet....and outlet where we can share our ideas, thoughts, and opinions, and do so in a mature, intelligent fashion.

For some of us, this forum is indeed the ONLY emotional outlet they have.

Yes, it is indeed sad when someone finds themselves in the throes of such mental anguish, they think that the ONLY way out is suicide.

Trust me, I speak from experience....it is a TERRIFYING feeling of utter despair when you want to end your life, simply because your orientation is not judged as "acceptable" or "normal by hate-mongering, narrow-minded bigots.

My guess is, in at least some cases, many bigots are harboring their OWN "inner demons", and, showing hatred and bigotry towards others, more or less takes them out of the "spotlight", and has the accusing finer pointed at someone else, instead of at themselves.

Again, I thank you, my friend, for your opinions and views........

"Live long and prosper"

 

You sometimes hear some ignorant individual make this totally asinine (and cruel) comment on suicide:

"It's the coward's way out."

Someone that ignorant, that callous, that unfeeling, has NO IDEA just how much anguish, suffering, and mental turmoil ANY man (especially one who is gay or bi) is enduring with each waking moment, that he so STRONGLY leans more and more to ending his own life.

It is such a tragic and wasteful end to a human life........

"Live long and prosper"

 

In the early hours of this day (Thursday) I experienced (again) another of my anxiety attacks; a tremendous feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, and emptiness engulfed me like a tidal wave.

I shook, shivered, and had the chills so bad I had to plunge my hands into a sinkful of VERY hot water, just to get rid of the chills, and to stop the intense shivering.

I knew if I started to cry, that I would not stop.

When you are a gay senior man, masculine, celibate, all alone, with not even a platonic buddy nearby to reach out to, and almost totally incapable of trusting anyone (as you know, I was bashed by a co-worker/friend back in 1986, simply for admitting I was gay) the cards are indeed stacked against you.

I'll tell you one thing; during severe bouts of depression and anxiety like this, I feel as though I don't want to live, and yet I don't want to die, either.

Literally, I cannot go forwards or backwards.

Man, am I hurting right now.

Thanks for taking the time to read my words.......

John

"Live long and prosper"