Bf wants anal but I don't

My boyfriend's kind of obsessed with anal, like all the porn he watches is anal. He was also a virgin when we got together so he's never got to try anal.

Me on the other hand, I'm more experienced, which he's insecure about in general (it causes us problems sometimes). A couple weeks ago he asked if I did anal with my ex-bf and I said I had. Now he's more obsessed with it than ever lol. Good thing I didn't tell him about the other guys....

The thing is I don't like the physical part of anal sex, just sometimes I like it when there's a certain power thing going on. My bf just doesn't have that dynamic and if I'm totally honest, he's not the most skilled in bed, so I just know I would have a really awful terrible time if we tried it. I did anal with someone like him before and it was just like torture for me

Am I a huge bitch for liking anal with other guys but not wanting to do it with my bf? He's the sweetest guy ever for real.

 

Kinda. Maybe. I'd say yes because you won't even give him a go and you're already adement that he won't perform very well based solely on the one disappointing experience you've encountered.

Mind you this is what you get with a guy who has a fetish with anal porn. Have fun with that...cause if he's anything like the guys that post about it on here, he's going to be an annoying, insincere fuckwit about it until the final day of the relationship.

 

You are not a huge bitch. Can't help what you feel or don't feel at any given time.

 

Angel, if he really wants anal that badly to pick you up a good strap on and some KY and accommodate him. :2thumbsup:

 

It's your ass, you decide and if he don't like it go with the above advice, get the strap on and let him have it, he will like it or he won't, bet he don't because it's in the woman's ass he sees as fun on the videos.
It's not for everyone, in fact it's probably for a small portion of all involved in sex. So you don't owe it to him just because he saw it happen or because you fessed up and said you did it before.

 

If I was a chick I'd never date anyone who frequently watches porn. It's an unrealistic portrayal of sex and romance and often ends up like this where the expectations in the bedroom are "far out" of the comfort zone of most females.

 

I'm assuming from your username, you're around 17 and I'm assuming that's around what age you're boyfriend is. In saying that, I can see why he is acting this way, considering the age. So, I wouldn't be too hard on him because I think he sounds like a guy that wants to experience certain things involving sex due to it being all new to him. I also wouldn't be too hard on yourself because I think you sound like a person that knows what they want and don't want because sex isn't as new for you. If you were demeaning his sexual skill or he was physically/emotionally forcing you to do anal, then I would think that's a serious issue. Or if you two were older, I will question why you two are acting like this. I'm not saying the behavior is bad... or good, just I would wonder, to be honest.

Anyways, I would tell him the truth IN A NICE WAY about not wanting to do it with him, specifically. Not only that, I'll give him a chance, while telling him what he can do that would be more pleasing to me. Well, not me, but you know, you... I'm just using myself as an example. It does sound like I'm telling you to give in, but I see it as more of a compromise. He gets to try anal and you get to have it in a way that is more pleasing to you because you're telling him what you actually like and don't like. I think it's hard for someone to tell someone else that they're not up to their standards in terms of sex and then allow them to teach them. I think that's a blow to the ego. I also think it's hard for someone to allow someone else to do something in terms of sex that they really don't want to do. I think that can be degrading and sometimes physically challenging. So, it's quite the compromise on both of your behalves.

On another note, it seems to me like a lot of people think sex is this natural ability that some people have "better" than others. But, I think it's more about practice and exposure. A person who is more exposed to sex and has more practice would be "better" at it than someone who doesn't have as much practice and exposure. And the reason why I type "better" like this is because even though sex is very mechanical, as in the same things please most people, so if someone knows those things, then they're fairly skilled at sex, sex is also very personalized, as in some things please some people while it doesn't please others. Point is, just because he isn't up to your standards right now, doesn't mean he won't be with a bit of practice and exposure.

Then again, you're not his keeper. If you don't want to do anal with him, then don't. You're entitled to not want to do anal with him. But, keep in mind he isn't your keeper, neither. So, he doesn't have to just deal with the fact that he doesn't get to do anal, something that he wants to do. In other words, he gets the same entitlement as you, as in he gets to do anal. Not with you, of course because you don't want to. But, with someone who does want to.

All in all, I can only think of two options. 1. Compromise, for the reasons I said above. 2. Breakup, so that both of you can seek people that are more up to your sexual standards, as in for him having someone that is willing to do anal and for you have a guy that doesn't want to do anal or is more up to your standards when doing anal.

 

That's funny, my girlfriend wanted anal and I didn't.
Anyways, I think sex is a healthy part of the relationship, that being said would it be that hard to at least give him one opportunity? Maybe he's better at anal for some reason, if that's all he watches

Remember your first sexual curiosities? This is it for him, and I'm sure you mean the world to him

 

I don't agree with telling her she could give him one chance at it, what if he likes it and she don't? He might be a huge pain in the ass about it once allowed, he already is. Once a lady says no ass, if she meant it she probably meant it. She done it before and didn't prefer it, why say yes?
Remember, she can offer it in his ass first and if he don't like it he will understand well why she won't and it will be a done deal. If he does like it chances are he will always take it in his ass and won't try to push her to take it in hers and she will remain the decider even if she gains an interest later.
It's all fair if she offers it in his and he likes it but she has the right to say no in hers. No guilt, making love is about giving each other what they want, but not about giving up anything not desired.

 

Literally. Couldn't help myself.

 

i'd never date anyone who watches star wars, because it's an unrealistic portrayal of parent/child relationships and often ends up with the person honestly believing that they will get a mechanical arm when their dad cuts theirs off with a light saber.

 

Just WOW! I can't believe the replies in here. I'll reply to everyone, starting with the original poster.

You should tell your boyfriend exactly those words. Explain to him to step up his game and be more harsh to you in bed. (I assume that's what you mean by power thing). Actually have a long talk where you discuss with each other what you like and what you don't like in sex. It's that simple. If your boyfriend is inexperienced what are you doing? Teach him. Watch porn together, discuss do's and don'ts and try things. It's better for you to teach your bf some stuff.

What's the deal with anal? Personally I do not have fetishes but fetishes are a real thing and very diverse. Anal is really common.

I long the day a girl tells me that. I'll let her play with my ass with her dildo (what's the big deal anyway?), and then I'll tear her a new hole Don't be smart and tell people things like that thinking that you will scare them off... it might bounce back. It's better to be clear and honest about what you want and what you don't want.

Porn is not an unrealistic portrayal of sex at all. I don't understand why you would not date people that frequently watch porn. A good male sex partner does not expect anything from you. He'll fuck you good, that's all. I watch porn quite frequently because I masturbate frequently. That doesn't make me any less of a good person. To suggest otherwise is complete bullshit. If you want a better set of 'red flags' for people you shouldn't date, try NOT dating people who drink a lot, people who are unstable, people who make money with shady stuff (selling narcotics and whatnot).

You're suggesting they should break up because of this stupid issue? Wow. It's not like it's the end of the world. She should tell him he's not good at sex, he should improve, and they would have more fun together that way. A blow to the ego might be exactly what this guy needs by the way.

 

Yep, okay.

Rofl. Self justifications for ones masturbation games.
Porn is an unrealistic portrayal of sex. If it was realistic there'd be a hot chick at your front door right now ready to bone so you wouldn't have to play with your cock as much as you do. Every female would have a bisexual nature and they'd all be willing to take anal too. Sex would become more of a strict social activity rather than have any emotional or romantic ties and I should have no problem having several women drop to their knees waiting for me to command them. But this isn't the case in the real world is it, mate?

No, far from it.

The only realistic thing about porn is dick inserts vagina. They got that straight. The rest of it is all fluff and games for the consumer such as yourself. You're just a poor delusional sap in an industry that creates a false perspective of what's natural in a given relationship.

 

Quote (Porn is not an unrealistic portrayal of sex at all. I don't understand why you would not date people that frequently watch porn. A good male sex partner does not expect anything from you. He'll fuck you good, that's all. I watch porn quite frequently because I masturbate frequently. That doesn't make me any less of a good person. To suggest otherwise is complete bullshit. If you want a better set of 'red flags' for people you shouldn't date, try NOT dating people who drink a lot, people who are unstable, people who make money with shady stuff (selling narcotics and whatnot)




Ya it is mostly unreal, those players are paid well to make it look easy and fun and in the past years it's gotten boring so they added stuff to keep an interest in the industry.
Let's look at the girl who can take it in all holes at once,,, not a lot can or will do such a thing, but a few would. Them girls are paid well to make it look easy and they probably took practice, many porn stars would tell you later they did things they wouldn't have if it weren't for the big bucks and in some cases, the drugs and being forced to do so.
Ya, you should avoid drunks and shady people but I personally would not date someone who was all about doing what he saw on his TV either unless it was as a part of our discovery and allowance on both sides. I wouldn't date a guy addicted to sports on TV either where he takes it over above everyone else. You need to pick your dates to suit you and porn might not suit everyone. I didn't mind porn years ago but now it's all about blood and anal. Kind of sickening unless you decide to search for the good stuff.
If you are so into porn it's all you know then look up an old coke user, they will do it all if you smoke em up enough.

 

This whole rant of yours pretty much goes to concrete what I said. Porn addiction = annoying fuckwit.
Lesbian porn is not a realistic portrayal of girl/girl sex at all. So shut the fuck up. You're wrong.

 

I personally wouldn't offer to do anal on the guy because I think that's going from one conversation to another. This isn't about doing anal on the boyfriend, so for it to go to that conversation is like when arguing with your partner about one thing and after arguing for two hours straight you're arguing about something else that kind of relates to what you started arguing about, but not really. It's probably the core subject matter that relates, but the details don't. And as a result, the argument becomes a bigger deal than what it actually should be. Those fights are awesome! *rolls eyes*

I think this conversation should be a simple, "I want to vs. I don't want to" and going from there. And in the future, if there is still a future together, talk about doing anal on the boyfriend, if that is what the OP wants.

 

When I said that porn is a realistic depiction of sex I meant that the things the actors do is the things people do in their bedrooms. Positions, et cetera. Porn is a good way to educate a person about sex. If you think otherwise, then I think it's time I'll show you some porn clips with specific examples of HOW-TOs. (i.e. how to do a blowjob, something that a lot of girls get wrong).

Wow did you just assume all that about me? I am not a poor delusional sap, that's quite far from it. I don't have a false perspective about a relationship. I give my love unconditionally to anybody who would love me back. You think that's delusional? Sex is only a small part of a relationship. I'm not saying it's not essential -- it is. But sex is not a big deal. It has a romantic side, sure, but I haven't experienced it. Women my age seek for casual sex, not romantic bullshit. It's you who has a false perspective on people who watch porn. You think you're above others, that you "understand" porn and you don't need it and other crap.

It's true that porn has gotten extreme over the years. It is also very diverse, you can find almost anything. Just because I watch it doesn't mean I want to do it. I'm just curious. You're right that pornstars probably wouldn't want to do some of the things they do, but nobody forces them to do them. It's their choice, they do it for money. Everyone has to work hard for money, and porn is no exception.

I agree with this. There's no need to date a sex addict. Addicts, in general, are annoying. But that is not what -Yggdrasil- said. -Yggdrasil- originally said she wouldn't date a person that frequently watches porn. That doesn't mean that person would take it to the bedroom. (I wouldn't.).

That's pathetic. Why would I exploit someone? You really believe I think this way?

Your reply verifies you are the kind of person that is quick to leave a discussion that doesn't go his/her way.

 

:bigcry:

I'm a dude.

I said "IF I was female..."

And I don't want to watch any of your sex education videos. The insistence that "many girls get blowjobs wrong so they should watch porn to learn" is about as ignorant as you can get, but that's exactly what I expect from someone who's going to blatantly defend their porn addiction which, if I was female, I wouldn't bother with anybody like you. You're even embarrassing to the male species.

 

REPLY TO: I_H8_U

First of all, you replied to all of us, didn't you, lol? Thank you for reading my long post. I didn't think anyone read it.

As for your reply, I personally don't think it's a stupid issue. I think it's quite a serious issue, actually because it has to do with compatibility and boundaries. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my boundaries are tested. Nor do I want to be in a relationship where I'm incompatible with someone while not being willing to compromise when we confront differences.

However, if you don't think it's a big deal, it's not a big deal... to you. For me, it is and if I was in this situation, it will be.

It's all about perspective. Nothing thought in this conversation or done is right or wrong. It's up to the individual to decide what is right or wrong for them.

 

You know when you wait ten minutes and your post has been thumbed down that there'll be a retarded post directed at you any minute, shortly. :rofl: