bend the truth

honestly..i didnt push him down the 5 flights of stairs...he tripped....4 times

 

I was just hugging her...and my pants fell off

 

i didn't steal the last cookie, it grew legs and ran away. =S

 

I lost so much weight this year

 

but i thought sugar in the gas tank was good for the car,,and washing it with a sos pad

 

diesel can be substituted when gasoline is unavailable...you will never know the difference

 

i know all about plumbing...trust me

 

I have so many girls asking for dates that I have to turn down one or two a day

 

i don tliek the beatles

 

no really officer...I,m sure the sign said 110 miles per hour...not kilometers

 

he just came on to me, i couldn't have said no.

 

i got a phone call, from brad pitt, he wants to date me instead of angelina.

 

I'm married to Nikki Sixx.

 

I'm Brad Pitt

 

I'm angelina. =[

 

i love my mother in law, i wish we could spend more time together.

 

I can stop posting...I know I can...really I can!!!!!!

 

i keep people as pets.

 

i didnt know it was wrong to feed seagulls alka seltzer tablets....honest

 

We all live in a yellow submarine