Does anyone ever get the feeling they're being used? As if to everyone around you, you're just an object? Just that person that will do stuff for when others' need them to. I'm having a hard time convincing myself otherwise right now. As childish as it might seem (this might even belong in another forum for all I know) and as trivial a subject, I feel like everyone is using me. Of course, family is supposed to be there for family. Always, there's no denying that with a strong, supportive family background. But I'm starting to feel like even the people I hold most dear are only using me at certain points. Even my family and closest friends. My mom uses me when she needs a ride, or needs cigarettes in the middle of the night or needs me to go to the store for her because my dad either doesn't want to or perhaps isn't physically able? My dad only contacts me when he wants to come see my dog or wants me to go with him to get something to eat, he doesn't want to go alone or is too intoxicated to drive himself. My brother to babysit his girlfriend's kid when they have plans to go out. Sometimes when others may be available to do so. And lately he only addresses me with some belittling insult. Even my closest friend. I feel that he only contacts me when he 'needs' someone to hang out with. Maybe I'm overthinking things... just woke up on the wrong side of whatever today. Maybe things are the way I think they are? Maybe there are extensions of that way of thinking that I'm missing? Maybe... maybe I'm just an asshole for thinking this way. There's a lot that people don't know about my past with all of these people in order to justify my feeling this way. As I have sort of a hard time justifying the thought, myself. Have you ever felt like everyone around you may be using you? How did you deal / cope with this feeling?
Um, yeah. People don't realize they're just cogs in a system and are used every single day of their lives. The way the system views people, you simply exist to produce and consume. Don't think there is anything remotely humane about the very system people live under and are merely slaves for. I guess the first solution to being used is to be mindful of the fact that indeed you are being used. I tend not to allow myself to be used by other individuals, namely for the fact that I am rather particular about who I associate with and don't fuck with sketchy people. Have some confidence and self-respect, and you will find that people are not going to take you for granted.
everyone is used all the time by everyone, every ideology, every belief every everything. its called life. sometimes you have a choice not to be. sometimes it isn't a very good choice. sometimes it is. people started living in villages, caves, what have you, with more then their own immediate kin, because people helping each other out, was an easier and sometimes even more rewarding way to live, then trying to hunt and gather entirely by yourself. we're all used and abused by people who think trying to impress each other, or chaise excitement, is somehow more important then the kind of world, they, along with all the rest of us else, have to live in. usually because ideologies and beliefs impart this idea, that we all get something out of allowing them to do so. and there are things we get out of social organization. everything that is too big or complex for us to hunt and gather on our own. like the power grid without which most of us wouldn't be able to be online with our computers, or the internet itself. what is a little bit of a con game though is the idea that social organization has to be hierarchical, or that the only possible alternative to worshiping little green pieces of paper is some other form of indenture. i've found the best way to not feel like i'm being used, is to avoid too much contact with anything entirely human. not saying that's much of a solution for anyone who feels like they are or has to be though. and i don't mean to push people away by saying that either. but it does make people who dislike my perspective less of a burden emotionally.
I often feel unappreciated. And sometimes downright insulted on top of it. I try to just swallow my pride, not get upset, and have the courage to let the pieces fall where they may. I really don't like confrontation, and I find that most of my anger arises when I feel that things are slipping out of my control. I find it a fun challenge to see what I can let slip out of my control. It gives me peace of mind.
Thats the case with everyone really Its always about what they can get from you or what you can do for them Even if they wrap it up in selfless sounding phrases or speeches about things that sound righteous, its still just about what they can get from you Theres no such thing really as a selfless act My family, extended family, a tad more tragic than average, so I learned all this early on
sure, i think everyone feels that way sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm using other people too. sometimes i wish i was being used more, because it seems like sometimes people genuinely want to hang out with me and i really have no interest in seeing them, and i'd feel better about it if i thought they were being jerks. human interactions are complicated.
To look at it in a lighter sense, being used and being needed cross very close paths. I know for a fact I 'am' needed in certain areas, to certain people, for certain things. Being needed for so many things, many times when others are available just tends to weigh on me I guess. Interesting, that first bit you put into perspective. I've never thought about it like that before, how we are all cogs in a system. Generally speaking. You make it sound like confidence and self-respect are things you can just reach out and take hold of. Place it right into your life. I feel as though I have a long road ahead of me in order to achieve that type of feeling. I also feel like I may have lost my way attempting to gain something like that. I was doing the whole 'fake it till you make it' thing for a while there. Sort of just pretending I had confidence, thinking maybe it would stick. It kind of worked, but it just made me feel less than myself. Like I wasn't being a genuine person. Sure, I want to be the guy that grabs life by the balls and does what he wants, but there's something I just don't like about people I know with that type of confidence. I also don't want to be some whiny little bitch or a trampled go-getter. I think my view on confidence may be flawed. I tend to associate it with arrogance. It's almost as if allowing myself to be walked on just comes naturally...
Aw, man... I wouldn't use you. Maybe it's not that your family and close friends are using you, but that they are taking you for granted. I think it's rare for us to meet a truely selfish person that is manipulating and using us. I think we more or less just have misunderstandings with other people. Basically, if they were using you.. you would know it for sure. And considering you're not completely sure, and like I said it's rare to stumble upon these kinds of people, anyways.... I think it's just a misunderstanding, that you should talk to them about.
I dont ever really feel like that. I have had friends and family help me out during hard times, and in turn I help them out as well. People need each other.
I might be wrong about this but when you are in a relationship and you know you are being used, I think most therapists would tell you the best thing you can do is get out of that relationship. Now I said I might be wrong, and this may not apply in all scenarios. If these are your friends, and not a girlfriend it's a little different in breaking it off. You may be feeling like it would be hard to say anything about it. Be assertive. Be strong. Perhaps make suggestions about things you could do together. That way it's your idea, not the same old thing where it's them using you. I think you can make it through.
I've actually heard a lot of people say that about other people after talking to a therapist. Which, it does make sense in certain circumstances. There are certain people out there attached to certain other people, which drive those other people completely insane. Using them or taking them for granted and rarely ever getting any sort of appreciation from that person. Even to the point of the person telling them they have done otherwise all their life. It's especially hard to deal with when those people are family. I can't just walk away from these relationships with people because they are all I have. Though it isn't as bad as the scenarios I just mentioned. I just need to figure out where my feelings lie, which aspects I'm focusing on that are bothering me and confront the issues. All of which I seem to have trouble with. Of course, I'm starting to think now that I might have just woken up in a bad mood. Dwelling on things and such. But I do realize that a lot of times that people want me to do something for them or with them, it's mostly doing what they want to do. Then, whenever the need arises that I want or need something, no one's there or wants to do what I want to do. So I retract from things they want to do leaving myself to... well... myself?
I'm pretty tuned in to people trying to "use" me. One approach is, I don't let people know how I could be useful. Maybe I SHOULD advertise that more. The "gamechanger" effect. But thats maybe a different thread. I remember once, some "friend" had made some enemies thro his stupidity. He asked me, "I need to find 70k in 3 days, can I just borrow 25k from you then?" Which would ofcourse become, "oh can I have the other 45k too". I just looked at him, shaking my head is disbelief. Much harder is when I think people are trying to sneak under my armour. Thats extremely rare tho.
One time a homeless person stopped me to ask for money, and I told them that I was sorry, but I didn't have any cash with me. I proceeded to tell them that I usually have cash with me to give it to people who ask for it on the street, but today I didn't have any because all my money was in the bank. Then he was like, "Well, can I borrow your bank card, so I can take out money and I will give it back to you" Lol! I just started laughing. And told him that I'll buy him PopEyes instead. People are weird.
I've often given money to the homeless. I know others say "you should give money to their charities instead, so they don't buy drink/drugs". But whatever... The above guy who wanted me to dig him out, I'd only been friends with him a short while. My view was that he needed to learn not to give bullshit promises to people. And bailing him out would mean he didn't learn his lesson.
