Being Ugly Blows.

Yes. I know confidence is a massive part of attracting someone, but you can't pin "confidence" on every single possible failed encounter out there. There is more than confidence sometimes. You know what I don't like, when someone with a perfect face tells me "Looks aren't everything =)" when they never even had to make effort to get hooked up with people.

But wait, Cerode! Didn't you know that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well, sure. But that still doesn't mean you're fresh out of the woods. You can still be "universally" or "relatively" attractive to more people than others. I've been ugly for the first 25 years of my life. My face was a hot mess and it could never seem to "agree" on how to develop. I was called ugly constantly, and it sparked even the nicest girls to get pissy with me (no matter how confident I was) because they suddenly gain the mentality of "how dare you of all guys like me!" or they feel really down that they attracted someone they would never want to look at.

Middle school and high school were a night terror. I never had a chance. Why go for a D+ product when you can have the A+ product for the same price? Some people are inferior goods. A friend of mine posted a picture of me and himself sitting next to each other on MySpace, and a girl commented "Oh wow, you're way hotter than dickface! You need hotter friends!"

I was destined to be hideous and be on the outside looking in, watching others be constantly complimented on how hot they were while I was the invisible nobody. The worst part is, these people are so happy that they look good they don't ever think about how ugly people feel. They also don't seem to know that being good-looking is a dice roll. I don't get to have a horrid face, but then decide my face will be a perfect 10 by tomorrow. No, it sticks with you.

I had to not stand by people because they made me look worse by forced comparison. Being the ugly-guy-of-the-group isn't fun. Especially when all you're friends are better looking than you. "But Cerode, you're just going for the wrong girls!" Some of them sure, but like I said, even girls who had angelic personalities would develop a hate for me because god forbid I get to like someone above my league. This seems to be a bigger problem in the U.S. as everyone is just more likely to be shallow. Chances, a woman doesn't want to look at a guy with a hot mess face every day when she can get something better. Hell, I've yet to have a crush like me back in any way.

The way I was treated led to my first suicide attempt at 17 (which failed because I was caught in the act), and I was put in a psych hospital with other kids that had the same shallowness making me want to die even more. All the time everyone around me gets treated like a handsome prince while I'm just some guy who happens to exist. If someone told me "Nobody will want you" early on in life, I wouldn't have ever tried to focused on other things in life.

 

My opinion is that you are putting off a certain vibe that is not appealing to a girl. You are not fun to be around. You want her to stoke your ego and tell you are not ugly but you need to do that for yourself and she will follow. Girls don't like whinny "nice guys" that is only in movies. If you bitch and moan and expect someone to notice you they will not. You sound like you are always angry and resentful of the people around you. Women notice that more than you think.

This may sound harsh I don't want to put you down but consider going back to that confidence you said you had before. Otherwise I don't know there is plastic surgery. Is several thousand dollars worth it to you to end these feelings? Or get very wealthy then you can have any beautiful gold digger you want.

Also find better friends and dates if the dick face stuff really goes on. Have enough respect for yourself to not put up with that. There is a women out there for you.

http://youtu.be/daEQJTOrqtM

 

It is true that the realisation that its about having confidence and stuff just as much as 'not being simply plain ugly' doesn't get you confidence just like that. Same with other good and wellment advice (like how to talk to the opposite sex). But it really is the key for physically unattractive people to give off a nice and attractive vibe. Just be aware what you want. Do you want to be perceived not ugly by a majority of the population/other sex? Or do you want to find love and acceptance from one partner? Sometimes it seems a mix of both and people let it ruin their chance on a lovelife, which may be a tad smaller than someone who has it real easy in the looks department but is definitely not absent. I see it around me on a regular basis: people do not need to be that physically attractive to get a good hook up.

 

But it certainly helps! ( http://www.tinderseduction.com/male-model-tinder-case-study/ )


The art of the game(no, I don't mean dating/relationships) is knowing how to play the cards you are given. The ol' "If life gives you lemons" saying. You are still very young, so you have enough time to find yourself. Get a job if you don't already, it can show you what you like/dislike. Knowing what you loath will at least tell you what to avoid as a career/passion.

Yeah, people are shallow. If an ugly dude uses a pickup-line on a girl then he's deemed "creepy", but if a hot dude uses the same exact line he's "dreamy".

You are not the first or the last to experience this, that's just how the cookie crumbles. My advice is don't think about your weaknesses, don't let them pull you down and focus on your strengths. Shoot forward and don't look back.

 

Obviously it helps not being (perceived as) ugly. But yes, to let the fact that other people have it easier there ruin your chance on a lovelife (because hey I'm ugly and most girls don't like that, on top of it I feel bad because I don't wanna be ugly and I don't see how I can fix that) is optional. It is up to yourself. But I agree, things like this are often easier said than done.

 

Also a lot, not all, of this "it's not about your looks it's about your personality/swag" is bullshit. It's just something people tell themselves so they won't feel guilty about rejecting people simply based off looks.

Another thing is a lot of this so called "personality" that attractive people give off is often just our own minds projecting positive characteristics onto individuals, for the same reasons we remove merit from those less attractive, in an attempt to validate our shallowness. "Halo Effect"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2287976/Why-attractive-makes-jokes-funnier-Women-admit-laugh-handsome-men.html

 

It is simply a fact that shallow reasons also matter. We don't have to beat around the bush here.

But people's emphasis on what they want is very different. It is foolish to hang on to what women in general think if what you would want most is one single woman to love you. Not sure that is actually what OP wants though. He has focussed more on the issue of being ugly in general. Not what his ugliness is preventing him from getting. Yes mutual attraction. But what does he want from it? Lots of pussy? From ugly women, or actually rather just hot women? So highschool was a nightmare (it is for more people, not just the ugly ones), but has he left the highschool mentality himself or is he still a victim of it?

 

I just think the OP has come to the realization of how the game/people work. Coming to terms with his reality. Perhaps he's still taking it all in, or maybe he just needs to vent.

I don't think so, when the group which will actually accept you falls into a very small category it becomes a bigger priority for the individual to truly understand their situation, especially if that person hasn't been getting or has never had that emotional satisfaction. It can seem obsessive.

He also mentioned he has trouble fitting in with his circle, feeling like he's on the low tier among his peers. Not being able to match their social status. At the end of the day people just want to at least feel normal.

 

I was always fairly confident around girls. In fact I was almost always very funny around them. I can live with the fact that some girls just aren't into you, but what I don't need are reminders of my inferior looks. I've had girls look at me, then look away giving a frustrated "uuugghhhh!" sound as if just looking at me made them angry. Not cool. I guess it also doesn't help that I was more of A/B nerd student who had extreme math and programming knowledge and not a football playing badass that girls mindlessly keep going for.

 

I know how you feel during the part in which you talk about how girls get offended that you are attracted to them. Guys so many times have gotten offended, or downright scared that I was attracted to them. And the sad part is most of the time I never even was attracted to them. They just thought I was because people would make fun of us when we interacted with each other. Teasing that I like him and asking him if I'm his new girlfriend. Once a guy was just sitting next to me and someone starting teasing like that. Also, guys think I like them just because we're interacting a bit, like we hang or talk. I guess they have watched way too many movies in which someone becomes infatuated with someone else just because they interacted for a bit of time. To be honest, sometimes just for the hell of it I acted like that. Just to be a bitch, because the guy was being a piece of shit. I know, I know. Don't tell me. I already know. I try my best to be respectful and understanding, but people... man. They freak out just because of the way I look. So, I freak out as a response sometimes because there is only so much patience I have. And I have to deal with this crap pretty much every time I go out and/or interact with people.

There is also a whole bunch of other two faced, passive aggressive behavior that people, not just men... give me because of my looks. Looks are important, apparently. Lol! A lot of people simply treat someone differently... badly... base on how that person look. I even think a lot of people don't realize what they're doing. It's like crossing the street when there is a black man walking behind you. A lot of people will say that they just wanted to cross the street, but subconsciously it's because of the black man.

Only people who are really ugly (becasuse everyone pretty much thinks they're ugly), have medical conditions that make them look different, and are physically deformed understand. To other people, this just sounds like negativity and downright crazy talk. Because people don't think they're shallow and they don't think looks are important. They just believe that they're deep. And to an extend personality and all that all stuff does matter, but it's not as important as looks. Looks starts it all.

Yea, looks are important and people are shallow, but there is nothing wrong with that. That's just how life is. Some people are fortunate enough to be good looking and the more good looking they are the better off they are. It's a blessing. While others are ugly looking and life isn't as great for them. If you're the latter you just have to make due. Either be alone or settle for whatever you find. I'm pretty deperate these days so I pretty much pretend to like anyone that gives me the slightest attention, just to see if anything sticks. Yea, I'm not attracted to them and I'm sure they're not attracted to me, but beggars can't be choosers. Honestly, It's hard for me to have feelings for someone. I think it's because I've been pre-rejected so many times, as in rejected even though I had no feelings for the guy. That now I'm kind of slow to warm up. I really haven't felt that click, you know? That click you get with someone. I havent felt it in a long time. To be honest, if I did feel that click... I probably would run away and not get with them, lol.

Basically, you just gotta deal. That's all you can do. Because this is life.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, you're just one of those people that thinks they're ugly, but really are not ugly or that ugly. Of course, I think everyone is beautiful. But, I'm using ugliness by societal standards, not my own. Hopefully, you will find someone. And not have to settle or be alone.

 

You got two easy choices (if you can't be bothered to put the work in to become incredibly rich or famous).

1. Start selling drugs.
This has some risk attached (you might get shot or arrested), but it's easy and ugly drug dealers always get beautiful girls, as a bonus you make lots of money.

2. Move (or just holiday) to a 3rd world country.
Their standards of beauty are completely different, tall skinny white dudes with really big noses are considered the height of male beauty in SEA.
Not to mention all the hookers you can use for less than a good looking guy in the west has to spend on dinner to get laid.

Wherever you live,
Forget white girls, they just aren't worth the time or effort if you're an average (or below average) dude, or don't have much spare money to spend.

 

I usually like to read every post on a thread before I post, but this got kinda long, apologies.

Anyone can torment themselves if they focus on the things that they don't have but wish they did. If your mind is focused on the things that you are grateful for, you'll have an endless well of happiness.

I'm not saying that you haven't experienced real pain and feelings of rejection. But there are probably people who have been dealt a harsher hand in life who have found a way to be happier (just as there are also probably people have been dealt a better hand who are less happy).

Wishing you the best brother

 

I Really Can't Relate To This Thread.......But What I Can Say Is A Few Years Ago I Had To Change My Phone

Number Because Brad Pitt Was Ringing Me Night And Day Asking Me To Be His "Stunt Double"......



Cheers Glen.

 

Don't lie, we know he was after a BJ!

 

I don't particularly care for the whole "let's compare scars" game.

It doesn't make me feel better that people have it worse than me. It's because one I don't want to feel grateful by someone else's misfortunes. It sounds like I'm climbing a mountain of people just to get on top. Also, my life is and has been pretty much shit, so I'm one of those "worse cases", thank you very much. *flips hair back*. As for comparing myself to better lives, I'm sure you can see the disadvantages of that as well. Because you're outside looking in at all the things you want, but can't have. So, I try not to do that either. I, instead try to be happy for these people that have better lives, because I wouldn't want them to suffer like I and others like me have. Sometimes you even have to be happy for them, because a lot of them aren't happy, even though they have a pretty good life. Just like you mentioned people who have a worse life are happy. It's like that, but opposite. Which I'm yet to meet someone like that, by the wat. Unless you're talking about Youtubers that are famous for being deformed. In that case, all I will say is... come on. Anyways, I'm happy for people who have better lives, and I wish when they see me they can try to hope that life doesn't get too bad for me instead of using me or people as a stepping tool to achieve their happiness. Same goes for people like me. Of course, in both situations we shouldn't go throwing stones AKA being judgemental... at someone's already crappy life to make it crappier or someone's beautiful life to make it crappy. But, that's a given.

 

That's how life works, if you can't get to the top, someone else will be standing on your face.
OK, so it's different for people that go and live in a log cabin in the woods, but how many can be bothered with that.

 

I think people think that's the way it is, but really it's not like that. You can obiviously make it like that. Have your happiness, accomplishments, success, and overall great life be at the expense of others, but it's not like that.

A lot of the fortunes that people have in their life is out of no effort of their own. It was just all luckily given to them. That's why people say count your blessings, be grateful, and all that stuff. And that is also why other people are bitter, as a person outside looking in. Due to having all these fortunes this person is willing to achieve more fortunes. Just like people who have misfortunes are not willing to try at getting fortunes. So, this is where actual time and effort comes in. That is why so many people think it's a simple if you try you will succeed type of deal. There is some truth to that. I just said that if the person is willing. But, as this person is willing to put the time and effort in to get more fortunes, life still goes on, so this person can still get more fortunes... or misfortunes, regardless of the time and effort they put in. And the reason that they're willing in the first place is because of prior fortunes. Basically, how can anyone expect someone that had prior misfortunes to be willing in the first place and be willing while knowing that life still goes on, with the very real possibility that they might get more misfortunes along the way, especially misfortunes that directly apply to what they're putting time and effort in? Anyways, going back to the person that had prior fortunes and now is willing to put the time and effort to get more, if they're so willing to use their time and effort to gain a good life at the expense of others, okay. I'm not going to lie that happen. But, that's not how it is, how it often happens. The great lives you see with others is due to being lucky enough to have fortunes, particularly more fortunes than misfortunes, because obviously everyone has misfortunes. Therefore, being willing enough to put the time and effort into getting more fortunes, while still having fortunes, and not so many misfortunes due to life... along the way.

In other words, it's a whole lot of luck, that is why you should count your blessings, and very hard work, with a lot of time and effort, that is why you should also be proud.

 

I've never met anyone who had anything worthwhile, without them taking it from someone else.

You can't all have the nicest house, the best job, the prettiest wife. There aren't enough to go round. If you have it, someone else won't.

Ps
Never seen anyone with a life I envied. Seen people with more money, but I'm not driven by wanting money, I stopped when I had enough (at age 45).

 

WHAT A BUCKET LOAD OF BULLSHIT..........How About People Like Myself Who Have Nice Things Because They

Have Worked Their ASS OFF All Their Working Lives.........Even When Things Were Bad.......Never Asked The Government

For Any Kind Of Handout.......Now At The Ripe Old Age Of 69 I Find Both Shoulders Are Worn Out.....(and no it wasn't from wanking)

But I Enjoy A Very Good Standard Of Living.......AND I DID IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY...........".TOTAL HONESTLY"..........



Cheers Glen.

 

discussion about competing with other people for stuff GlenGlen.
Not honesty or hard work or any of that other Christian working class morality shit that nobody believes in anymore..

But if you wanna drag this towards a 'how hard I worked competition'
I'll admit defeat, I never did a day's hard work in my life, employers gave me money because they wanted my intelligence not my sweat.
And if the government wants to give me free money, I'm happy to take it and if I needed to lie, cheat and steal (and deal drugs), or kill to get ahead, I'd have done it..

Here you go GlenGlen
http://youtu.be/Xe1a1wHxTyo