Being a guy who doesn't get girls

Hey guys I'm back,

I decided the best course of action for me is to bury all hope of ever getting a girl. I think it's for the best since I don't believe it's possible for a girl to be attracted to me on any level whatsoever. However, getting to the point of losing the desire for it is going to be immeasurably difficult. It is still painful living my daily life, seeing other couples, watching people flirt and what not, and all that other stuff knowing that it could never happen to me. It still causes me a great deal of pain. It's also painful knowing that people are leary of me at my age since they've never seen or known of me ever having a girlfriend or wife etc... It is a clear indication that something is definitely wrong with me.

I'm trying to purge the desire so that I can be content with pusruing my life alone. My status with the opposite sex isn't going to change. Absolutely no women find me attractive, and that's true of all women, without exception. It simply cannot happen for me. I just need to know what resources or lessons are out there that could help me learn how to purge the desire for women/sex/relationships so that I can move on without pain.

Thanks.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. But, have you thought that maybe your low opinion of yourself is the reason why other women aren't attracted to you? Confidence, even just a little, can go a long way. Maybe a better plan for you would be working on your self esteem, and just living life for you without worrying about ''getting'' a girlfriend, and see what happens. Sometimes, when we obsess over our faults and flaws, then it all sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Change your thinking, and I bet some things in your life will change.

 

I think Deidre offers some great advice. A healthy self-esteem and level of confidence will help no matter what the future brings

 

That's kind of what I'm trying to do. Just be happy without it. It's just impossible. It's just nothing but pain every day.

 

Well, there’s a difference between finding happiness in your life without a gf and being complacent. I don’t think you should resign to just being complacent.

 

It is hard to offer any specific advice without having met you and you are telling us nothing about yourself, such as whether you work, your interests, tastes in music and whether you own a car.
Every one of the above factors will attract like minded girls, then all you need to do is SLOWLY get to know them. Never think of girls as stereotypical objects who all like socializing in clubs and bars in their quest to find a partner. Just relax and be yourself.
You may think that the opera house is the last place to find a girlfriend, but I meet plenty of intelligent and attractive girls there. Even with me being married, they are still happy to chat and a few who love Puccini and Wagner have become good friends (WITHOUT BENEFITS).

PS. Don't go to the opera house unless you are an opera lover, or NO ONE (male or female) will want to chat to you and you will feel even more dejected. LOL.

 

Can you please expand upon what you mean?

 

You seem like you have decided that you’ll be forever alone and sort of like giving up on the idea of ever dating and finding love. I think that you should focus on adjusting how you see yourself, do activities you like to do, work out, eat right etc and women will notice that you’re confident just living your life. I’ve dated players before and while they seem to have a lot of confidence, it’s usually fake. It sounds like you want to be attractive to women but in a real way, not just getting women to have sex with you.

So don’t give up on pursuing women but spend time on finding your own happiness, even if you get rejected sometimes. Does that make sense?

 

Or just wear leather shorts and live happily ever after?

 

How about just wearing my leather shorts at the opera house and getting our daughter called to arrest me.
Both Saddlers Wells and Covent Garden are on her patrol, so it should be easy enough.

 

Try online dating site?

 

Its difficult to explain. I honestly don't have the energy to delve into my life and background. It's complicated. I used to have hobbies, but nothing I've been able to pursue very heavily. I still live with my parents (sort of). I live in a separate house on my parent's property (family farm). I'm not independent, though I do pay some of my bills. I have a job, but it doesn't pay well. I've tried college off and on, but never seem to be able to finish. I'm 27. I have a car which I technically own, but my dad bought it for me.

 

seriously. if you've given up on life, getting high daily makes you not give a fuck about it.

 

I think my problems start at a more fundamental level than just gaining self-confidence will fix. Something is very different about me compared to other guys/people. It's hard to know where to even start.

The first thing is that I'm just very odd-looking and ugly. I have severe pectus excavatum, which has led to deformities of the spine and shoulders: my entire back and neck looks bizarre. So does my chest. I don't have the figure women want. I don't even have a figure that is acceptable. My body shape and overall look is just a non-starter right from the get go. This I know for a fact.

My personality is as terrible as my appearance. I just don't have the personality women look for. Women seem to view me and talk to me like they would a 13 year-old kid. The rejection and disinterest seems pretty much automatic. It seems like a default setting. It's like it's over before it even begins. Something about me is just a non-starter. I have no clue what exactly it is. I think it's just a confluence of it all.

There's also the other part of me that complicates things to no end. I was born and raised in the country on a large farm. I was raised in seclusion. I absolutely HATE the city. To be perfectly honest, I absolutely HATE people too. I cannot stay around people (city people in particular) very long before I'm ready to just bail out and go back to my secluded rural home and be alone. I would literally rather die than go out on the town to bars/clubs etc. I don't mean that facetiously or metaphorically. I mean to say that I'd literally rather die than to do that kind of stuff. I work in the city and there are days I can barely stand it and can't do my job well because I'm just so upset to be there. I can't stand modern culture and I think the world is just this shithole place that I don't want to be involved with. It seems to be getting worse too. I'm not religious whatsoever. I don't even believe in god, so this isn't coming from some kind of insular, religious take on the world. I just hate the cities and everything they have to offer, I hate most people (and I don't mean that facetiously or humorously), and I don't know what to do to reconcile my hates with my desires. It's like I'm at war with myself. On one hand I wish I could be happy and that women would notice me, but on the oher hand I just want to seclude myself and never go back to the city.

I don't necessarily want a girlfriend or relationship so much as I just wish women would show interest in me. But hey, I guess some of us have to be valueless, ugly, rejects from society. That's how evolution works right? I guess my genes suck and there's a good reason why I'm rejected. Who looks at me with my deformities and shabby personality and thinks "he's a great candidate to date". No woman wants me because I'm a prime example of crap genes and traits. I'm a dud and no one should want me.

 

You're comparing yourself too rigidly to normal/average looking guys. But I took notice of guys that are maybe even unluckier than you in the looks department finding love and being in a happy relationship.
Being at odds with yourself and your looks (because they're so far below society's standard of 'hot' or even 'average') is one great way to never find anything of this. You have to love (or accept) yourself in order to feel entitled of the love of another, and increase the chance of getting it. Confidence, acceptance, not getting lost on specific expectations (of yourself, but also of expectactions you might be sure of she might have), its all true these are key. The problem with this advice is its usually said you should get in that state, but its really hard to tell someone with certainty how to get in that state. Fake it till you make it often doesn't really work here...

 

Absolute horseshit. You know what happens in the other species on this planet when someone has terrible traits/genes? They die. They don't reproduce, and they die. They don't get to procreate because nobody wants to be with their undesirable ass. Humans are animals just like any other, and are the product of evolution. Not only is acceptance and ownership of my situation not going to make a damn bit of difference in women liking me or not, but it's not morally right in my view to try to curtail or circumvent nature. I was not meant to be with a woman. It's as simple as that. if I was, I would've been with one by now, and women would at least show some semblance of interest in me. But no woman has ever done anything other than completely repudiate me. This is why, as my OP suggests, I feel the best route for me is to find ways of living with it rather than try to change it. I just don't know how to get rid of the desire.

 

Its not bullshit that I saw some real ugly people in a happy and succesful relationship dude. You just gave up and feel like committing to that.

 

I dunno how to put this delicately so I won't

There are women out there with deformities too. You may not be able to get a really attractive woman who revs your proverbial engine but you could at least find companionship in someone who is similar to yourself .

 

What Meliai said. I know some really ugly people who have partners. I'm talking unattractive inside and out, or both.

I mean, can you really "bury all hope" anyway? Whenever I try and do that, it just means I keep hoping, secretly. No use being in denial. You can't make yourself not want something.

 

I'm sorry. I'm just mad at the world and venting here.