been feeling suicidal

i want this thread to die, bad memories of last night. plz dont post here anymore

 

Fuck everybody who said that is not a big deal, that it could be worse. It could be worse, yeah, of course it could. I've heard that said to me for fucking years. I know it's true. It doesn't make me feel any better though. It doesn't automatically make make my seratonin go, "You know what? By golly gee, he's right! I think I'm going to start making more of myself right now! Let's be happy!!!" Nope.

Clinical depression isn't because of external problems, it's because of internal problems. And you just can't fucking compare mental states. Just because one person's external life is worse than mine doesn't mean their internal life is worse. It's all completely relative. Imagine if you were in the same place. Would you say to yourself, "Hey, I could have it worse." No. It would mean everything to you. You don't know how it is to be anybody else but yourself, so you're not going to compare yourself to anybody and how they feel; you just fucking can't.

Some kid with AIDS in Africa may have a worse life than me, but maybe he has a more optimistic outlook. Maybe he doesn't torture himself with anxiety and depression everyday. Maybe inside him his life is better than mine will ever be. You just don't know.

And all life is is what we perceive. Reality is just perception. If someone perceives their life to be terrible, then to them that is their reality. Everybody's reality is different from everybody else's.

I am so fucking sick of people lumping everybody into these stereotypical categories when we are all so complex and different.

Open up your minds and your eyes.

 

Oh, and sorry I posted here, I didn't realize you had put that until after I wrote my post. I just went through the first page and posted without reading the whole thing.

I am very sorry. I hope things get better for you.

 

No matter how much our coccoon warms us, we long for fresh air eventually, and we realize how gross and disgusting our damp shell really is. Always keep looking out towards The Great Eastern Sun. Although it doesnt hurt us to look back and remember where we came from, how sad we used to be. It is that sadness, that tenderness, and that exposure, when we drop our guard, let our protection down and dispose of all our privacy, that we become truly open to and embrace our inner heart, and the feelings of others. That sensitivity makes half the mental warrior, the other half is the strength to look forward, into that Great Eastern Sun. You are all warriors in the making, but you need to step forth, and embrace this beautiful life. You DO have a right to be here, to live, that is your right as a wonderful human being, unique and beautiful, all in your own ways.

 

Ahaha you're awsome!

 

Thank you BudToker, I think your awesome too! Some people feel the need to make others feel down in order to make themselves feel more secure, and some people are already feelin as low as they could possibly get. I believe that EVERYone is special, and everyone matters to themselves and to others around them. No one should have to feel that they are worthless and dont deserve to live, wether you believe that god put us here or we are here spontaneously, we ARE here for one reason or another, and it really pains my heart to see people suffering so much, allowing the mental burdon of this earth to push them down so deep. I realize that life isnt always easy, but the good and bad come in waves, and it is always beautiful, and it always gets better at some point

 

[ --- End Thread --- ]

 

edit: didnt see greens post.

 

Swazo, the world does not have to be a bleak place my friend. Its all in how YOU want it to be

 

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.