Hey everyone, my wife recently had gastric bypass surgery, I’ve read that divorce is common a year or two post surgery for a lot of different reasons….does anyone have any experience on this? Thanks
It happens. Two friends. Wives were packing on pounds and friends were contemplating divorce. Both women had the surgery and started looking good. One friend went ahead with the divorce. The other’s wife left him. Why does it take the threat of divorce to get wives to make changes? Both friends were fit attractive men…..not like a slob!
The strongest predictor of divorce during illness is whether or not the patient is the wife. An ill wife is six times more likely to be abandoned than an ill husband. Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient The men who leave their spouses when they have a life-threatening illness
She had the surgery for herself, which is fine, I have no problem with that because she’s been fat since we met and I’m ok with it, I’m not overweight myself. From what I’ve read many times the wife starts getting a lot of attention and likes it as she should, I hope she does get hit on and it makes her feel good about herself as long as she don’t fuck’em all, hormones change, just going to see if she does. Thank you guys for your input!
My wife and I both went through bariatric surgery - her first, then me. I weighed a whopping 355 pounds when I started out. I have no idea how much my wife weighed. We learned a lot about each other through the process of giving up food as our thing. She showed love through food. When that was no longer an option for her, it was difficult. I learned that I was hiding behind my obese self to be unattractive to men - because I had been fighting my true nature of being bisexual. All this came out after losing weight. I remember asking my doctor, as my wife was in the room with me, how soon we could have sex again - we had not had sex for quite a long time. My wife's face said it all. We never did make it happen again and as we dealt with our new eating habits and our loss of not having excess food intake as a part of our lives- we began to see that we had drifted apart. Of course, my sexual orientation played a big role in things - it was not something she wanted to accept or approve of. And our lack of intimacy only made things worse. There is a lot that gets buried in overeating - and when we do something as drastic as bariatric surgery, things come to the surface that we kept buried in all the overeating.
The problems really start when the bariatric surgery doesn't quite go as planned. My wife had a gastric bypass in 2007. 12 months later, she had an apronectomy to remove the excess tissue left over as she lost weight to bring her down to her target weight. Six months after that, she had to have the scar reopened to remove a massive blood clot which had developed in the wound. This, in turn, was responsible for causing a massive abdominal hernia which is irreparable. We've not had a sex life ever since. The physical scars which she has been left with together with the fact that she has this large bulge in her belly from the hernia and no navel have scarred her mentally too and she has this image of herself as being hideous and completely killed her libido. Nothing I can say or do has been able to change her mind. But, we are still together because I married her for better or for worse and I still love her.
@Dunnaknockit I'm so sorry to read about your wife's setbacks and all she's been through since surgery.
Thanks, papasmurph. It's been a tough, old road since she had it done. Because she also has other health issues, she was told she probably wouldn't see the kids grow up if she didn't have it done....now, she wishes she'd have taken her chances.
It's a hard call to make - I hope she finds peace with herself and her body and can enjoy the kids. I remember the big decision my wife and I made. She made it first. I watched her go from a size 26-28 to a size 10, and I began to think about her finding a 2nd husband after I was dead from my obesity. I followed with my bariatric surgery 3 years after she had hers... but then I watched her start to gain her weight back. It is possible to do and having this drastic surgery does not solve our eating problems and disorders. I remember doing a pros and cons list. When it came down to the con list including "No more buffet restaurants" I weighed over 350 pounds when I started my procedure, and now I weigh about 175, and have kept fairly stable for over 10 years... I keep a constant eye on the scales, and usually gain weight this time of year... Unfortunately, there were complications for me, too - but nothing like your wife's struggles with her health. I wish you both well and hope you can find your way through this.
