Back To Loner Mode?

So I have been trying to realize my hippie dreams.

I want multiple lovers. I'm hoping for a passionate, sensuous, sexual, and emotional connection with multiple men and women.

It appears that men and women are different and I'm a cross between the two spiritually.

Men just want quick, dirty sex. They just want to get off. A guy Skypes me and says "I need to cum." I ask him if he's on Facebook (so I can, you know, get to know him?) He disappears. Just getting off is boring and it's called using people like a piece of meat.

Women want monogamy, stability, commitment, a *gag* relationship with only ONE man/woman for life. Gross. I don't want to be around you when you're at your worst, like farting, eww. So not funny to me. Plus there's all the emotional baggage and drama.

I want to be a poly woman.

I don't trust people. Men will say anything.

Now I'm becoming sickened by people again. I feel alienated. I feel like a third spirit.

I'm thinking I want to go back to isolation. Really, one of the only reasons I broke out of it is for work.

What do you think?

 

i don't think u know what u want.

you want something special but you don't want something special, you want someone who cares but u don't want someone who cares

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hql_8lPuNJA

@3:20

 

I want people like me: sexual, caring, not clingy. Right in the middle. I want polyamory. I want friends with benefits who are actually friends. I want kissing, holding, touching, rubbing, and fucking. I want love with multiple lovers.

 

This is the lie you have to figure out.

Men want blah blah blah

Woman want this, this and this....and yet you've never really wanted most of what you listed as what woman want.

"Men just want quick dirty sex" just using those adverbs and in that order gives away what they want YOU for . So they always finish too quickly and its dirty becuase they dont do what you want.


Woman need an emotional connection? I know you don't know what that means, it's just one of those phrases you hear from the rest of them and copy

 

I know several people who live a polyamorous lifestyle, it works for them, although those who assume that such a life is more "free and easy" than conventional relationships are often in for a shock.

 

your head sure is full of assumptions and stereotypes...

 

What the actual fuck?

 

What? You don't find that to be true *overall* of women/relationships?

 

Sweetie, I think you are a guys brain in a girl's body (well, the sex part anyway) you'll just piss off the girls if you say stuff like in this thread

 

Farting makes me laugh...if that is someone's "worst" I can totally deal .

 

You think you want to go back to isolation but as soon as a Latin man comes to your door, we all know what you're going to do lol.
And I think you think you are becoming sickened by people, but just maybe you are getting sick of yourself.

 

What do you mean by that?

 

I think isolation is not the best way to get this. The key thing here is to beat your trust issues.
Lets hope someone who knows more about that comes along and spend some thoughts on it!

 

She has trust issues why exactly?

 

I don't know why she has them. But she told us now in several threads that she doesn't trust people and it seems a big reason why she is attracted to the idea of living in isolation.

 

Not sure why "Hippie"was mentioned in the OP! There comes a time when you have to trust somebody right?Unless you're happy spending the rest of your life alone.You have issues with people passing wind.Im guessing you also pass wind?Its a normal bodily function! I personally feel due to your confusion,being alone right now might just be your best option until you gain some clarity!

 

Sounds like you want to be exactly like those men you despise. But what's wrong with that? You obviously aren't interested in monogamy, yet bitch about guys who aren't either. Maybe you should buy a huge black dildo and then write about it in your diary.

 

I had a daydream. In it, Caleb was harassing me to stop being so carefree, get serious, work hard, get angry over controversial issues, and fight for a cause. We went back in time to the 1800s, where I felt mercilessly tormented by people's horrific treatment of me. He wanted to prove a point: that life is serious and I should get all riled up and fight back.

If you're not happy, why are you alive? There no point to life if not to enjoy it. Otherwise, what's the purpose? Will the stuff he's angry about matter when he's dead?

That's how he was in real life. He would pick on me about not being angry and dramatic over stuff that will mean fuck all in 100 years. He said I was primitive. I felt insulted.

Caleb represents exactly what's wrong with people. He just goes through the motions blindly without wondering why exactly he's doing it. He got married because it was the thing to do. He had kids, because according to him, it's natural and he just always imagined he would have them (also his girlfriend got unexpectedly pregnant). He got the high paying job to make money. He got the house and the car to feel like a man he said. He has sub-purposes: work to get the paycheck, put gas in the car to get from point A to point B etc., but no overarching purpose. I asked him about it. At age 34, he said he had never even considered it. When I asked him why he had kids, he said "why are you asking me weird questions?"

 

Guys just want sex. Pure sex. I want a connection, just with more than on person. Got it?

 

A lot of people are polyamorous, you just have to find them.