baby at 18 and before marriage

I don't think you should get married at all. Compared to some of your other posts I think marrying that guy would be the worst move you ever made- aside from getting pregnant with his child.

 

i think that if you live together and have a child together, you basically are married. the rest is ceremony and a piece of paper. if you are committed to each other, you don't need to get married this instant. i think you are being very practical.

my dh and i didn't get married until we had been together for 6 years and when we did get married, we just did it so we could have a big party with our friends. it didn't change our relationship (or my name, lol) we could have gone on without marrying and we'd still be right where we are today. Next December we'll have been together for 20 years! And married for 14 years. We still celebrate our anniversary of when we started dating, rather than the wedding anniversary. it means so much more to us than the wedding.

good luck!

kathy

 

kraftykathy-that's basically how i see it. we're already married basically. all we want our wedding to be anyway is a little family thing where we all get together and have a barbeque and stuff at someone's house for the reception...and I just want to have a little tiny wedding outside. nothing fancy at all. we think that it would be great.

 

TTLM- From what you've posted in other threads about your boyfriend, it doesn't sound like you two are stable whatsoever. I was trying to allude to that nicely but I guess it didn't work. Oh well, your life.

 

I'm well aware of what you've said.
I've since gone on to post that I'm going to stop coming around here when I'm mad, because that's when I always write mean things about him, exaggerate and not see things from his point of view.
You can not believe me all you want, but we are a good couple. We have things to learn and growing up to still do. we're young. No one ever stops growing up, anyway. He has given me a lot of strength. He has encouraged me to stand up for myself, so the things that I love to do and supports me in all the dreams that I have. But we still fight. Who doesn't? We're normal. We are not physically abusive and even though sometimes we say mean things to eachother, we're learning to stop that. I believe that the only stable relationships are of people who've been together for years and years and that's about it. And even things go wrong there. No one is perfect.

 

awww logans such a cute name!!! i find it really hard to think of boys names that i like, that are unusual, i really hate common names! if i ever have a girl i wanted to call her martha sky....but then i saw ulrika johnson plastered over sum tacky gossip magazine holding her new baby..Martha SKy!!!! that pissed me off...ach well im being quite sad thinkin of baby names now anyway!!

 

I couldn't find any boy names that I liked, but then one day, i thought of that one, and as I thought about it more and more, I grew to totally love it.
That's too bad to hear about the name you liked. It was neat how you put a cool twist on an older name.
I was always changing my mind about girl names, but when my boyfriend said chairty, I thought that it was really pretty. You don't hear it that often.

 

I think if I was in your shoes I would try to ignore (I know it's hard to do) what thier saying. I think thier trying to wear you down to the point that you do get married just for them. If they see it's bothering you they'll keep at it. I have a my mother inlaw (well, I rather call her the bitch inlaw lol, my b/f and me aren't married yet either) that trys to bring me down by always forcing her thoughts/beliefs onto me and trying to change me or my mind. I try to ignore her but I know it's hard. And I'm sure it's really hard on you since it's bunch of people and for a touchy subject.
To me you sound like your happy and that's what matters. You, your b/f, and the baby being happy and healthy. If they can't see that or to worried about whatever it is that makes them want you to be married then screw them. You holding off on a wedding so you can put your time, effort, and money towards the baby shows that your a good mother already. A child should always comes first.

 

you dont have to explain anything to anyone. How they find out htat you will be fine is jsut by showing them.

 

"miss goody two shoes?" who's that?
I understand what you're saying, but why do you have to be married to be a stong family? I know a lot of unmarried families that are stronger than married couples.
Not that I wouldn't like to get married to him, but like I said, it's not practical right now. Some nights, we lay there and think, "maybe we should just go get the friggin marriage certificate and leave it at that," but we don't know. I'm still thinking about doing that. Then we can have our little party afterwards.
I, personally, though, think that we're setting a bigger example, to my family anyway, that a family can still thrive even though there's not a piece of paper there saying their a couple.
As long as everyone loves and respects eachother, I don't see what's wrong with it.

 

i think it is great you guys are doing well and have decided to have a baby together. marriage in no way affects the child as long as you guys are there for the baby and take care of it and love it and show it it is the most important little thing in the world. i was not married with my first child and daddy wasnt around much for her first few years and she is just fine, and a spoiled rotten brat

and as for getting married and having children giving you a chance to be a good person... wtf? who said that?? you can be a great mother and great person and not be married to the father of your child...

that seems extremely rediculous to me, and I live in the bible belt so I hear all kinds of crap like that on a daily basis, but if marriage does not feel right to you, even if you are in love and plan on being together forever, i don't think you should do it untill you think it is time...

i think your family will shut up about being dissapointed and love that lil baby so much once they see it for the first time.

congrats on the baby and screw everyone who is bitching about you not being married..........
​

 

Your family needs to put this pettiness behind them. There is a child on the way, and regardless of whether you are married or not should have nothing to do with accepting this child, celebrating the miracle of life, loving him or her, and welcoming this baby's arrival into the world.

I have no doubts that you are going to make a wonderful mother.

Good luck to you, and I hope that your family can open their eyes.

 

Sadily, my family has always been like this. They've never really understood anything about me.....in a way i can understand. Everything that I do is outside of what they think is "normal."
There is no doubt in my mind that everyone in my family is going to love this child to death. Thankfully, my boyfriend's family has been awsome, supposrtive, and heck, they've pretty much bought everything for us (not that we asked them too, they just can't stop, lol).
I just know that the critisism to me isn't going to stop, heck, it'll get worse. I think that I've run out of explainations to them. I don't want to explain anything to them. You'd think that just going on and living your life would proove them wrong, but it doesn't. They're just the kind of people who continue to insist that they're right. There's just no getting around it.
I'll just have to learn how to build up a guard against this kind of crap, because I don't want my child to grow up thinking that this is how people behave towards eachother and that he/she should let it get her/him down.

 

If you're tired of explaining, stop doing so! ;-) you're grown up, you don't need to justify your decisions. Maybe stick more to the family of your man, for support!

 

See, I always screw myself over when it comes to my family. I want to live my life differently, but then when they don't accept it, and I try to explain it to them, and get them to understand, when I know they never will. As i said, I'm just going to have to build up a guard against it. That's the only way that it's going to stop bothering me, dispite the fact that they'll never stop critisizing.
It's like trying to open a locked door without a key; it's just not going to work.
As for my bf's family, I'm so happy to have them! It's nice and refreshing to just be able to be yourself and be accepted for it, not feeling like you have to justify your self.

 

I have a 3 year old and I have been with his daddy for 8 years and were just nOW getting married. People told us to marry when I got pregnant and some people thought of us as sinners for having a baby out of wedlock but marriage isn't shit if your not strong together. Babies are not wedding rings. I felt good looking into people eyes and saying so what if were not married we love each other and that's all that matters. We'll have an official party when were ready to do so.