Avoiding people

I have pondered this for years, and I have a feeling I might be.

 

I identify with what you said about crushing loneliness eventually causing you to emerge from isolation and attempt being social, only to find that you don't really enjoy it, and then the process repeats itself. It's a very painful process for me at least and I'm not really sure how it's supposed to end.

 

I think your mind is sorely lagging behind what physical changes have taken place over the past year.


Hotwater

 

It happens. I agree with the others who said that you should just explain to them that you're a fairly solitary person and sometimes you just need some alone time. If they don't like it, then they probably aren't a good match for you anyway.

 

technically, that's what it means in america too. but we're american; we can't be bothered with what words "actually" mean.

 

I still have like 3 or 4 text on my phone from a week ago that i havent even opened yet. ive read the first few words of it but just cant be fucked to actually open it up and respond. I do this sometimes and like OP i kinda feel like an arsehole about it but sometimes i just dont wanna go to the gym with people or something. Ive explained it to a few people to not take it personally if i dont respond and they seem to understand

 

A bottle of scotch and a handgun I think.

 

I just read the original post here and haven't read much further (working on that) but I don't think you should feel bad at all.

What I usually do when I question myself like this is look at it from the other way around. If I was the one trying to contact you, I would realize whatever is going on must be important and beneficial to you in some way. Your daily life is really your business and if you wanted to talk, you would. I have other people I can talk to if I really want to be social or need advice or etc etc.

That being said, I tend to do that quite a lot, just not answer phone calls or texts. Usually I am busy or out with the SO or something or other. And sometimes I'm not doing anything but really just don't care to talk.

I've grown to be okay with this quality about myself. Because in the end it really isn't their business. Lol.


Sent from my KFTHWI using Tapatalk

 

The Tools of my Trade are completely opposite to being antisocial.

It is my JOB in fact to form common ground to save the lives of some of these A$$#@LES as they have no idea what is coming for them.

However...such things after the fact are difficult to discuss or even find someone who can even understand what I am talking about.

Such is life.

TooReal

 

He was talking specifically about PR not the personality trait.
i always assumed the same things about PR. Not because of this post. (Actually i always assumed the things he said in this thread long before i read it)
But because of all the other posts i have read from him in the last 2+ years.

 

The need for solitude is nothing to feel guilty about. A lot of creative people need (not want) to be alone. I'm sort of a recluse, and I used to feel guilty because I was forever turning down offers to go places and do things with people. Then I read JOURNAL OF A SOLITUDE (by May Sarton). She helped me to have a better understanding of why I have this great need to spend so much time alone. She saw it as a positive, not a negative. Don't get me wrong, I do hook up with friends - but I don't feel obligated to do it every weekend. More like once every month (if that).

QP

 

I think you are completely normal, as I feel the same way sometimes. I especially identify with the bolded parts, I am afraid I just don't give a big crap if people wanted to hang out and feel insulted when I prefer to be by myself that day. I used to get guilt tripped more often and it is also really normal to feel a little bit guilty in the situations you mention. But insisting on spending such a day by yourself (even on a regular basis) is nothing to feel bad about :2thumbsup: I also really recognize that feeling where you don't want to answer them, not even in a text message, because you're aware of the possibility they might take it personal for nothing and you're in your zone not wanting to get out of it by possibly having to conform to other peoples requests (or going out of your way to decline)

 

We always stand in relationship and are never alone.
It is not my job to be your friend so if you are expecting some kind of performance I am likely to disappoint but I like friendly people. I spend a great deal of time without physical human company because of my location and my practical way of life. I am not without communication and I find that minds join or communicate and bodies only touch or bump into or avoid each other.

 

I can only be around people for a certain amount of time. I do love being on my own and having time to myself. That has annoyed some people before, but having people around constantly does my head in.

 

I can relate 100%. I've been on a soul searching journey these past few weeks which has led to meditating for lengthy periods of time - and when I'm done and feeling centered and at peace, sometimes human interaction takes away from that. Especially social media of any kind. So as a result, I've been spending a tremendous amount of time alone. Personally I think it's healthy. Just remember that humans in general are (somewhat) social beings - we feed off of love and attention and approval from others - make sure you aren't isolating because you fear love or fear rejection or fear getting close to another human being, ya know. At the end of the day you only have to fall asleep with yourself. But things like mealtime and conversations are much more enjoyable when shared with others.

Just put out the energy you want in others. Be kind, go out of your way to do something nice for someone else, if you see someone struggling see if they need something or just ask them how they are... You'd be surprised at how much being selfless and tryin to relate to others will make you feel better.

Social issues are probably super common on this site - considering we all sit around communicating on an Internet forum where we don't have to actually look at each other or be vulnerable or pick up on social cues, etc.

 

You are not responsible for the reactions/actions of another and sometimes you find you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Good relations be they far or near are always personal and are generated by your own ease of being. You need do nothing. You will accomplish what is necessary. You can try to help or not if asked. If you put yourself out you will resent it at some level just as they may resent you at some level if you do not perform to their expectation. Better leave them to their own measure and insist on your own for yourself.

 

how fucking hard is it to text back. tell 'em you're just going to chill on your own today, or you already made plans. you're a dumbass.

 

though I feel this is cool and splendind, and even possibly the basis for great relationships or love,


him guiltripping over being a social twat is simple and easy to fix.
A simple text back then ignoring them does the trick.

but perhaps, he's mind-wabbling about why he doesn't feel the urge to text anyone back as well... and he wants to think about it and not betray his procrastination.

 

Well the guilt syndrome can be unraveled through recognition of what we can and cannot do. We feel responsible for things that we are not responsible for, reactions and actions of others. Texting back then is a matter of desire simply not of responsibility.

 

I was talking about being chosen first for B-Ball and softball. (referencing post 15)