Autobiography Of My Spiritual Journey

I wrote a book about my spiritual journey, which nobody seems to really understand. We all just start reading a book and if it doesn't turn us on in the first 5 or 10 seconds, we move on to something else. Ok I get that. But for me to pour so much of myself into an intellectual exercise and have no witnesses is a great lessen in UN-attachment.
I admit, this book isn't very entertaining, nor is it informative. It is a vehicle which I created to transfer energy from my being into anyone who can follow it, with the result of a higher level of consciousness for both of us. I'm sure I already lost a bunch of readers. Anyway I'll start the book off here to see what happens;

My mother gave birth to me at age 32. My father was and is a real loser and to this day she regrets having had a child with him. But she felt time was running out and if she didn't get pregnant soon it would be too late for her. She was married to the idiot so I guess at the time it seemed like a good idea. She pretty much brought me up alone while my father spent his time and money on drinking and drugs. It was very hard on her for about three years and then my future step dad came into our lives and everything changed.
He looked like a hippie with long hair and a beard and was just traveling around when he came across my dad in a bar. They hit it off right away because my step dad, Tom, was into spirituality and my dad, Fred, was pretending to be spiritual at the time. So one day Fred took Tom over to meet the wife and kid (me, I was under 5 years old at the time) Well my mom, Kate, and Tom formed this incredible bond at first sight which has lasted over 30 years now. Fred could read the writing on the wall so he told Tom that having a wife and child was interfering with his spiritual life and he wanted out. So he asked Tom if he would take care of us. He said yes he would and that's how it all started.

 

that's the thing about art, you can't expect anyone to look at it, until they hear about it from someone else. you've just got to let that not be a big thing, and eventually maybe they will.
spritual journeys never begin nor end. not even with birth and death, if spirit is a real thing. if not being noticed is a problem, getting over and beyond it, is one more step on the path.

 

Hi themnax, I totally agree. I do enjoy interacting with other people, but at times I know I have to continue my spiritual journey alone. I also realize a post like this weeds out a lot of low life feeders who seem to be prevalent on this forum. lol Anyway here is part of a post you made to my spirituality post in 2006. I find it significant that we are making contact again after all these years.

spirituality is what i almost always feel when i am alone in the woods, and almost never feel when i am arround other people.

i don't know nothin about farms, i grew up in the WOODS.
the only thing i really know about farms is that without them we wouldn't eat regular.

i don't know notin about cities either, other then that i live where there are too many people to consider it anything else.
why anyone would WANT to live in them, as at least some claim to, defies my comprehension either.

 

If we can't find spirituality in cities or on farms, but only in a natural setting, probably the human race is sunk. Because really, the only place it exists is within oneself.

Most people don't have a real choice to just go back to the woods - and if you live in a country like mine, there simply aren't many woods to go back to anyway.

 

Most of us are forced into a city life style from the moment we are born then we have to live out the basic go to elementary/highschool/collage/university then off to work then marry and get old. If there is one thing I've started to learn about being spiritual is that its found inside one self. Sometimes we loose who we really are because we have been settled down in one place for are whole life. This is why i know personally that if i ever wanna truly find who i am and my place i know I'll have to go and travel and see the world.

 

hey Blackbill, I too believe the spiritual life is found within and the material world is a reflection of your mind or spirit. Thanks for you input.

 

hey Matthew, One the main reasons I had for writing this book was to show it is possible to materialize a wholesome and meaningful physical world through spirit. No matter what kind of awful slot society has placed you in, following your inner, higher self can bring you out of it. As was the case with my mom and me.

Now my mom was the manager of a recording studio just down the road and my dad worked there too, on the grounds. So naturally my mom got Tom a job there taking care of the horses which were there to entertain the rock stars who came to the country side recording studio. Now the owner of the studio, Ralph, was your average good looking, rich playboy type, who pretty much got into the pants of every female who came to Windy Hill Farm, the name of the recording studio. He of course wanted to have sex with my mom but I think she was the only female on the place that didn't go to bed with him. The more she said no the more he wanted her, so he had one of his female minions make a play for Fred hoping that would break up the marriage. It came as no surprise that Fred fell for the ruse and had a sexual encounter with this girl and this was why Fred wanted out of his marriage to my mom.
But unfortunately for Ralph, Tom and my mom were an item by then. So Ralph told his female minion that she didn't need to have sex with Fred because he was pretty much out of the picture. So when she broke off with Fred, he went over to Tom and said he wanted his wife and kid back. Like I said at the beginning of this story, my dad was and is one of the biggest losers I've ever come in contact with. Anyway Tom told him it was too late because the relationship had progressed to the point where people would be hurt if it ended now. So my mom and Tom left the recording studio and got married. They bought a herd of cows from a neighbor and started milking cows together for a living.

 

i'm so terrible at recognizing who people are. i live in cities now so i don't have to indenture myself to a car. i really couldn't afford to do any of the other things i like if i had one.
everything is some kind of trade off, i know that. but i think i've gained a lot more with just the computer and trains then i would with a more contemporary life of car and television.
when i was growing up there was a lot more public transportation into and out of rural areas, even though the population was much smaller.

2006 was ten years ago already. i'm no longer in california's valley. closer to my mountains, but on the other side of them instead.
a lot has changed in my life since then. i've learned a lot more about how to depict the world in my mind visually using the computer.
i even had a 3d printer for a little while and may get one someday again.

the only thing i need for my spirituality is to not be distracted from it. but the way people are, that is what i have always found the most distracting and disruptive from it.
these things have always meant different things to different people. spirit for me isn't about what we pretend to know, its something that takes place on a totally nonverbal level.
a non social one too. of course you don't have to be out in the woods, its just that around a lot of other people, even people pretending to know the same things as each other,
i've never experienced that as the place to find. people go looking for it in a book or a church, that just has never been for me the best place to find it.

the earth that is under my appartment isn't any less sacred then any other. it isn't any less sacred underneath pavement, but too much pavement is still a dessicration of it.
too many loud voices rob the ears of sounds that weren't made deliberately by humans.

even the sounds of cars and trains are more of spirit then sounds of epicness or whatever, that people listen to that drown them out.
the city isn't bad, a lot of it drowns each other out, but it just isn't the place, the best kind of place, to look for the nonphysical, when one has an easier choice of where to.
when one doesn't, well maybe we are put where we can radiate or try to be examples, of more nuanced subtleties of unconscious influence.

that sounds like a lot of rambling, but that's what words do, and i really should get some sleep.

 

hey MeAgain, I really like your return to society poem. And yes the whole process is easier in a cave or secluded place. So isn't that a good reason for getting out of the city. lol I should have more compassion for my bio dad and maybe someday will climb up on that cross again, but not today. Thanks for your comment.

 

hey themnax, It's not rambling, it's just your thoughts bubbling to the surface. I'm glad I could be a vehicle for that here. Eventually our inner thoughts do materialize and the first step is to bring them to the surface. I'm glad we are in touch again. I don't think you changed all that much since our last encounter years ago.

 

Well tell Chinese Zen master Kakuan thank you for me. I always felt that if you want to help society the best way is to let yourself fall to the bottom and keep a good head. Not claw your way to the top at the expense of weaker minds.

 

Helloo , this topic is very interresting

 

hey love, It's good to see you on here. I added you to my friends list. Here is more of my story;

My mom and Tom started on an unbelievable spiritual journey of their own. My mom told me how she went to borrow the money for the cows with only $5000 in the bank and stacks of cord wood that we were planning to sell. The banker who she approached with this idea asked her to come back in a few days so he could think it over. During those days, the bankers wife had a mis-carriage and by the time he talked again with my mom, he was so messed up that he wasn't even sure of the amount of money she needed but did indeed make her the loan at that time. Now from what I understand, that was the last start up loan made for a small dairy operation ever. If you go to a bank now and ask to borrow money for cows, you will immediately discover the truth of what I am saying.

At this point in my story I would like to introduce a couple of articles written by my mom and step dad which will give the reader an idea of what was created.

When we bought the cows( which was my wife's' idea)
everyone we knew agreed we had no chance of making it
work. I looked at the endeavor as a spiritual
experience right from the start. Getting the money to
buy the cows, finding and setting up a barn to move them to,
hauling away the manure with just a young green
pair of horses, and feeding them with no land and no
equipment was all one miracle after another for me.
For a year we milked the 30 or so cows we bought
and lived off the sale of the milk. Then one day the
man we were renting the barn from decided he was going
to quit his job and milk cows for a living. He
figured if idiots like us could make it, he should
have no trouble at all. So he wanted us out of his
barn right away. I remember telling Kate we had to
wait for God to come into the barn.
Things got very tense after awhile because the
owner didn't want us there. I told a friend to watch
closely because I was going to pass a herd of cows
through the eye of a needle. And sure enough God came
into the barn in the form of a cattle dealer who moved
us to our third barn 50 miles away. After landing on
the farm a man I didn't know came up and told me he
was going to take back his mower. I told him that at
this point in my life I didn't think anyone had the
power to take away anything I really needed. He never
did take that mower away.