At what age?

it happens. And many people do grow up fast. There are supports out there for children that have "autism" etc. Not that the baby will have it .


Genereralizing is wrong. Assistance is okay for a bit till you gain enough money in your pocket. If your making 14 bucks a hr why don't you get osap?

Saving saving saving is goos but also educating is good as well. Please don't tell me that your statement Bumble was all about special needs kids

Because all of todays families are dysfunctional and some more than others. Some are less educated than others. Try helping a lending hand and educating the pregnant teens young girls instead of saying wait your too young? I don't hear ya saying your 19 to the ones who just had kids but i hear ya bitchin' to this OP??

Something wrong?
I see why you NEED to go back to school.

 

first off, i'm not criticizing anyone, but I am bringing in reality. You can be a wonderful parent, but that doesn't pay for food or medical bills. I'm in school and about to graduate. I'm 22 years old, not 19. I'm trying my best NOT to generalize, but I was 18 before and at that age I was making $9.50 and living with my parents. I just believe that you should be able to support yourself before you bring a living being into this world. It is one thing when you have to go without food in your tummy, but it is a sad thing to see a child go without food. Again, I'm not saying that you have to be rich to have children, but enough to support them.

As for supports for autism, that is irrelevant to my point. What I was trying to say is if something happens to your child (develops autism or is in an accident) can you financially be able to tackle these potential issues?

I'm not judging. I'm just not living in a fairytale. I NEVER said that the OP was wrong at all. People should be entitled to their own destinies, but I have the freedom to express my beliefs.

 

I live in the same city as Bumble, and no, rent does not cost $1000.00 a month unless you are living in center city or University City. My place in UC was $1200.00 a month for an entire house right next to UPENN, my place in South West off 22nd and Snyder was $650.00 for an entire house, basement, 3 bedrooms, kitchen, living room, dining room, 2 bathrooms, and a backyard. I was single then for just under a year, raising my son and learning how to be a father on my own and was and still am doing fine. I agree, you should be able to take care of yourself and a child financially, I dont think anyone in the right mind would argue that. But it has much more to do with reponsibilty and the will power to handle your problems in my opinion.
namaste

 

Relayer- $650.00 for a 2 bdrm 2 bathroom l/r etc here is 1800 2000 dollars . i wish it was 650.00. Thats not alot compared to some other places

 

You Can Def Make It On A Limited Income....we Have 5 Childeren Between The Two Of Us And We Were Very Young. He Was 16 When His First Was Born And I Was 17 When My First Was Born. Its Not The Easiest Thing In The World. You Just Have To Decide On What Is Really Important....cable ...or...food....working Endless Hours...for What?? The Price Of Your Childerens Time That Youll Never Have Again? We Worked All The Time In The Begining. Never Seeing Each Other Or Our Kids. I Have To Say It Sucked Ass.....never Do That Again...

 

Money can't buy happiness. Sure, it can make things a tad easier, but on the whole, if you're working your butt off and never seeing your kids, like gypsymama, what's the point? I'd rather be poor and happy (albeit a bit stressed) than rich and unhappy.

As for the point of "what if something unexpected happens?", there are ways to cope. State-provided health insurance at a low cost is one option. Having a really good support system helps. When I was born, my mom moved in with my grandmother. My Grandmother told her "this is your baby. I will provide a roof over your head, and you take care of the rest".

Age is a toss-up. There is a such thing as too young (I'm saying this based on the fact that girls can start to menstruate even at the age of 9, and there COULD be a chance of this girl getting pregnant. Not likely, but a chance.), but like someone above said, there are plenty 40 year olds that shouldn't have kids.

 

I have to kind of agree with Bumble. I don't believe you need to have a ton of money, but you need enough for you. I really believe that a person should wait until they can support themselves before having kids. That means not on public assistance or living with parents, etc. I don't think it is fair to the child (or to grandparents) to bring him into the world before you are stable enough to have a home (not an expensive one, but a place of your own to live) and job. I think that is part of maturity. And it is not the grandparent's job to support their children once they make choices to start a family or their children's children. So if a person is say 17, out of their parent's house, on their own completely with an income that is enough for yourself plus a child, then you are ready.

I waited to start trying for a baby when I was almost finished with college. I know how much harder it can be to go to school with a child already. And going to school and having a foundation for an career was important to me...although I understand that many are perfectly happy making $8 their whole lives and that's cool to. I wanted a baby badly since I was like 19 years old, but I took care of my future (and that of my kids first). I started trying to have a baby at 24, didn't succeed until 29. I just think we need to take responsibility for ourselves without public assistance or parental support before choosing to bring children into the world. JMHO!

 

See,we didnt plan on having a baby just yet. We both wanted to keep our daughter. So we are raising her. Yes we still live with our parents but all of the bills for our daughter come out of our pockets we dont let our parents pay for her bills. We both our going to be going to college this coming fall. Things dont always happen as planned but we wanted to watch our daughter grow-up and be a family.

 

I guess I just want to go on record, that I have nothing to really contribute here.

I agree, to a point, that you need to be financially prepared and fully independent to do really well with parenting. When an emergency situation comes up you want to be able to take care of it, financially at least, yourself (without being held accountable to some faceless government institution that will likely disagree with some of your parenting methods).

But I don't think it's fair to put dollar amount on it. There is a bigger picture that needs to be accounted for - and as has already been said here, making more money costs more also.... if both parents work you NEED two cars, daycare, etc. and you might not be able to parent the way you want.

People can also have drastically different lifestyles. We've been steadily shifting to a lower-tech and lower-cost way of life for a couple of years. We don't even own ONE tv, and never want to. My gardening is getting better, and in another 2-3 years we plan on providing at least 50% of our food from our own place. When/if we have children, we want them to grow up learning about self-sufficiency, learning to be active.

So, while I do agree that you need to be financially stable enough to pay your bills, get food on the table, and cover that occasional emergency expense.... that's not as important as a happy and harmonious family unit.

 

wel said hummble...

 

Ain't that the truth! My hubby monosphere works 8am-4pmish. I work 530pm to 2am. His days off at Sa-Su. My days off are Mo-Tu. Four days a week, we have 5 hours together. The other three, we're lucky to have 15 minutes. I've suffered major depression, we both feel isolated and alone. It's killer keeping up with a toddler who wakes up hours before I feel I can function. And when we argue, it's that much harder to get through, because while it takes 5 minutes to get angry, it takes 2-3 hours to resolve. So a lot of times, we're building up anger over the same issues without anything really getting done. It's brutal.

I don't think there is a good age to have children. It's different for every person. Money is a factor. Yeah, you can make it on very little, but it will be SURVIVAL, not life. Of the issues that contribute to divorce, money is usually on top.

I got pregnant at 19, had Moire at 20. I wasn't NEAR ready because I hadn't had time to find out who I am, to get over issues that had haunted me during my childhood, to come to terms with trust and honesty issues. It's tough, but worth it, if you are willing to grow up quickly.

 

If you read the thread about my work as a prostitute you will see that I have given up work now that I'm pregnant. I'm now on the benefit and working on getting an internet business set up with a friend of mine.
I'm sorry but how does working as a prostitute mean I care about money "a lot"?
And how was I not being honest with you by not mentioning my previous occupation? I don't feel that there was any need to. Has anyone else here failed to share their last job and been accused of lying?

 

Hmm, I think this is the difference between me and 99.9% of other people. To me, an ideal life would be about survival. In an ideal world, by the time we had kiddos around, we'd be living on our own land, off the grid. We would teach them about self-sufficiency, doing for themselves, and yes, SURVIVAL.

I don't understand this obsession people have with sitting and doing nothing - like that's the greatest way you can spend a day, watching TV or something. (I'm not talking to you, Holly, just in general). Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to teach my someday-children to be ACTIVE in life and in entertainment. Non-powered toys, sports, etc. not only cost less but they also physically involve the child in what they're doing instead of teaching them to sit on their butt and clap.

 

hummblebee, I applaud your intent More mamas-to-be with that attitude would be awesome.

I'm another "Don't see DH nearly often enough" mama. Because we decided to raise our own children, my husband has worked 75-95 hours per week for the past 12 years so that I could be at home with them. He has JUST this month been able to cut back to ONLY 64 hours a week for the first time since we were married! And yeah, he's the one that has to go to work while I stay at home... but try being stuck at home for 3 weeks on end because gas prices are too high to take the car for the day, and not getting to so much as PEE alone without toddlers body-checking the door, stuffing things under the door at you & screaming bloody murder, and it's enough to turn even the sanest of mamas into a complete wreck. On the other hand, I have seen every single one of their firsts... the first tooth, the first smile, the first steps, the first time they sounded out a word, the first time they really grasped long-division... I've been here to see them all.

Sometimes it's all about what one does & doesn't need for survival, but just as often it can be about what you've gotta do just to SURVIVE...sanity intact, that is! Battery-operated toys are obnoxious & unnecessary, I agree. But then again I must admit that I have "run away" to the bedroom while the television babysat my kiddo for 20 minutes just so I could sit in the dark & not have to have my hair tangled, my nerves frazzled & my ears shattered for a moment. It really comes down to where we draw the lines, and knowing what our limits are... For finances AND what we feel is "needed" for our children. Where my lines may be set may not be the same place someone else draws them, but that's what makes us all unique. Sure, some things really are "wrong" or "right." But for the most part it's up to us parents to decide where to draw the lines between not enough and too much.
love,
mom

 

When I talked about survival, I meant like we feel sometimes. Where days off are spent at home because we don't have the means to get to a festival. When just getting to work is a challenge. Yes, I do dream of having land and doing my own gardening, homeschooling, and such. But now, as Brian's family NEEDS us near them, we can't leave the suburban area, and the cost of living just drains our pockets and our jobs drain our energy. It's really about survival in our case.

I know you meant no disrespect, Linnea.

 

Green, it sounds like you are on the defense. maybe you should take a step back and think about what people are really worried about.
Maybe people, like your friends and parents, are concerned about YOU and YOUR LIFE, not doubting your parenting ability. Maybe they're thinking of the trips you can't take, and the parties you can't go to, and the money that you can't blow on regular 17-yr-old stuff like music, art supplies, concerts and festivals, etc, because now you have to pay for your child. maybe they're thinking about how maybe if you weren't already a parent, you could have went to college, or traveled a bit.

i am 30 now, and ready to have kids now.
if i'd had a child at 17, i would have missed out on SO MANY THINGS. Plus, i would have a 13-yr old now, which i couldn't even imagine.

it sucks that you will miss out on a lot of things that life has to offer. but i'm sure you'll raise your kid just fine. and when my kid's 13, and i'm like 45, you can be the 30 yr old MILF of his classmate.
good luck.
peace.

 

It’s funny to hear teens talk about things like this as if they’re an authority on the subject just because they’re teens. I suggest that you talk to some people that have seen this sort of thing happen over and over and over again. Someone who has seen the long term effects of children having children, then listen when they tell you what they’ve seen happen.

If you’re already pregnant then I say, may everything work out for the best but if you’re asking should you get pregnant as a teen, I would tell you not to do it because the odds are against you, very few teenage pregnancies work out for the best for all concerned.

But if you just want an age, I'd say a man should not be a father before 25 and a woman should not be a mother before 23.