Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer

You're right, you can't be a tennis player without raising a racket.

When was the War of 1812 fought?

 

Well, most of it was fought after we burned your capital to the ground, right?

(Ha! Serves you right for siding with the French!)


Howcome the French Horn has an English name, and the Cor Anglais has a French name??

 

cos they could'nt think of any original names themselves

why are'nt nails called drivers ?

 

Because if they were, you'd never work out what a screw driver was meant to look like.

Why can't they make up their minds whether "drawing the curtains" means opening them or closing them?

 

Only artists can draw curtains.

Can woodchucks chuck wood?

 

Not in Shetland, no (there are no trees in Shetland ...)

Why doesn't "agenda" have a plural?

 

For the same reason sheep don't-it gives English teachers something to discuss.



How come my pooches are so good natured?

[ps-there are no trees on Sanday,either]

 

Because if there not goodnatured you nail them with the shock collar.

Why are there so many time zones?

 

Coz this way it's always "5-'o'-Clock Somewhere".




Why doesn't the Sun have an equator?

 

cos it has a relative called moon

whats a can opener for ?

 

doing what a can't opener doesn't


why are hot peppers called chilli

 

cos they have really good vocal cords

why is ice cold ?

 

Cos if it wasn't, who'd want to eat ice cream in the middle of summer?

What's better than 20:20 (other than a five day test match)?

 

Nothing, 20:20 is the epitomy of perfection.

What hill was Led Zeppilin talking about?

 

The green hill far away without a city wall, perhaps?

Oh no, hang about, wrong festval ...


Why, after a century of continuous technological and engineering improvements, are train schedules slower then ever nowadays, and they still can't run on time?

 

Trains are still run by hungover, fallible, human conductors.

Where is the sun right now?
I got my fire going since solstice, please come back!

 

The sun's the same place it's always been .... it's our plant that turned its back on the sun, not the other way round.

Why do teachers mark kids' work as wrong when they mis-spell "mistake"?

 

Because they misread it as Miss Steak.

If two wrongs don't make a right what do four rights make?

 

A left.

Can I string a guitar with Geddy Lee's vocal chords?

 

only if he's he's dead

whats the difference between little letters an capital ones ?