As in people who aren't your friends, but want to act as if they are

As in people who aren't your friends, but want to act as if they are that one time in the year that you meet them. They'll say something like "we must have ye down some time" but you know they don't mean it. Then you have to pretend that you believe them so that they can act as if they're nice. The only reason they say it is because it's nice to end an interaction with positive energy; and I get that, but then the other person has to figure out that they didn't actually mean it. It's completely unnecessary for people to act such a way, and might even come against them in the long run. There's nothing wrong with just saying "hope you're doing well" or whatever and leaving it at that.

How do you deal with these people?

Story

My father currently deals with his sister in law in this type of way. To explain the back story, she fell out with him a decade or so ago which was all grand, but now my mother has become quite senile (home bound). So the only way of keeping in touch with my mom has to be through my dad. She lives 200 miles away and visits once a year as she feels obliged to check in with my mother. The first time she came down, she let on that she was going to stay over night (as my dad had offered) but then pretended that she needed to get on the road back home 3 hours after having arrived. She said it was because there was a storm that was coming in the next day!

The next time she was arranging to come down she mentioned all the right things via text. In one she typed about "...looking forward to going for walks in the Cornwall air". Gives the impression that she'd be staying a while, right? However, after my dad made it clear that she was welcome stay overnight (effectively giving her the hint to answer), she didn't directly address that point! My father had a bedroom prepared for her, and ended up putting out plans he had made in case she was going to stay overnight. She didn't end up staying overnight! She seems too stuck up, and would consider it awkward staying in his house while having to remember the way she treated him all those years ago. In the end when she was leaving she was of course acted as if she'd be back down in a few months, but I have my doubts. It would be kind of awkward letting someone know that you're going to drive 180 miles twice in one day over the phone. You know what they'd be thinking!

 

I'm not responsible for others thoughts, speech, or actions; only my own. Beyond simply being "nice to end an interaction with positive energy", I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and be as open and welcoming as I can. If they are "pretending", perhaps we can become friends in the future, as long as I leave the door open for them. Sometimes the hardest act of generosity is making ample allowances for other's humanity; with all that entails. They all have their own foibles and hang-ups and struggles of which I am largely ignorant, but most people are doing the best as they can nonetheless. Had I had the life experiences they have had and fought the battles they've fought, I'd probably respond in a similar way too.