argh 17 and still confused (bullet points)

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by confused99999, Apr 22, 2007.

  1. confused99999

    confused99999 Member

    Can't be bothered for the essay so I'll do this in bullet point form style and tell me what you think. I'm confused about my sexuality basically.

    Reasons I feel straight -

    • I've always felt straight, been attracted to women sexually and emotionally from a very young age.
    • Up until very recently I have always been seeing girls, whether it be kissing at preteen years, fingering and blowjobs etc at teen ages, sex at 15... and always enjoyed it and felt right.
    • I have never 'fancied' a guy, or felt any emotional connection other than friendship, and don't really see it being possible.
    • Had one proper girlfriend who I was in love with, a lot of sex activity and I was perfectly happy.
    • I always check out girls on the street, and can see myself with them.
    Reasons I feel not straight/gay -

    • I watch gay and straight porn, but I think I prefer gay (it seems to get me off easier)
    • I occasionally have gay dreams, and even though it isnt clear whether I enjoy them or not, I wake up with an erection.
    • Since a young age I have been interested in big penises, wanting to touch them etc and fantisized about this.
    • I have given head once before
    • Although as I said before I love women sexually, out of my 4 sexual partners, with 3 I have gone soft during or just before intercourse, (even though the foreplay has been fine)
    • I have a slight fetish for rimming, giving and receiving (only really on girls, but still, thats a gay thing isnt it?...)
    Basically I know it may sound like I'm bi but I still feel like I'm straight. About a year ago when I was seeing my longterm girlfriend I didnt care if I had these fantasies because I would never wish to act upon them, I was having sex with a beautiful girl and I was happy. However, since we've been broken up and I've been failing to have sucessful sex with other girls, its made me wonder if that's the end of my straight life and I now need to seek out men. As I said I have 'tried out' (given head) but it didnt really make it any more clear, i.e. it didnt feel really right, but then again it didnt put me off...
    Please help!
  2. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

    theres not much help i can give ya, but by the sounds of it, it sounds like theres SOMETHING there...come on man, you cant lie, you already said you enjoy gay porn, and males do turn you on.

    of course you dont see a relationship with a guy possible right now: you dont want to see it as being possible.

    it sounds like youre doing the right thing tho, by trying things out. it is confusing, and its really weird at first admitting to yourself that youre going to be with guys, but thats just an ego hangup you have, which you have to get past.

    it sounds like you are bisexual, at the very least. i know its really confusing and hard sometimes going through those emotions and confusion, but youll get it soon enough.

    just make sure oyu keep your mind open to all the possibilities.
  3. confused99999

    confused99999 Member

    ok but it sounds like you only read the bottom half and not the top half. Bisexual at the very least? How do you explain me being in love with a girl and engaging in regular fulfilling sex? Maybe I should have rephrased the relationship section, what I mean is, I cant imagine any emotional contact with a guy, the things Im used to doing with girlfriends emotionally, ie, holding hands, passionate kissing, lying together, dating, seems physically impossible with a man, the thought of being caressed by a man makes me feel very uncomfortable. Honestly I'm a very open and strong minded person and if I desired emotional contact with a man I would go for it.
    My problem is I havent had a sucessful female relationship since my ex, which was a year ago, but I could still never see myself as gay enough to actually have any type of relationship with a man.. I just dont know what to do or why its like this..
    Another thing is you tell me to have an open mind, I think a problem is I may be trying to be too open minded. Since I've been questioning my sexuality I've been basically forcing myself to check out guys on the street, watch more gay porn than usual just to see if it works. And it feels very unnatural to me, however I still get off on gay porn.
    Ive read about the kinsey scale, do you think its possible that my gay side only stretches so far as to remain a fantasy? I've read about guys who are straight but have gay fantasies they dont wish to act upon
  4. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

    Nah, I did read the whole thing. Ya dont need to get defensive.
    You say when you were doing stuff with girls, everything felt right and all- of course it did, thats what everyone expects as "normal" and the thing to do. Were all told that were supposed to be getting with girls and enjoying it. I also had many girlfriends before I realized I was gay and came out. I also enjoyed kissing them.
    Im just saying, if you are getting off from gay porn, it means you find guys sexually attractive, period. Right?
    I dont know what to say about you not being into being caressed by a man. Once again, as I said, it might just be the fact that youre just discovering these feelings, and no matter how open you are, it still feels weird at first, considering hte idea of being caressed by a man and having that kind of emotional contact with a man. One of the reasons it may feel weird, and why you might feel uncomfrotable about that kind of emotional contact with a guy is simply because youre not used to having that type of contact,and youve been told your whole life by the media and people that those feelings are reserved for women only.
    For me it was the same way. The idea of kissing and cuddling with a guy at first sounded realllllly bizarre...and now I realize it was simply because I had always been told that I was supposed to feel that way towards girls, and not guys.

    So, my final advice: do keep an open mind about it, dont force yourself to check guys out on the street, dont force yourself to do anything really. Youre asking for advice about if you could possibly be gay or bi, and then I tell you and you get defensive and try to find evidence to deny it. If youre really trying to find out the truth, then you also have to be willing to accept the truth! Im not saying youre definitely bi or gay- how could I tell you that, Im not you?- but Im saying from how you described it it sounds like you might be bi.

    Experiment more. See how it works out.
    I hope my advice helps a bit.
    cheers and love,
  5. confused99999

    confused99999 Member

    thanks for replying, reading over my respone I realise it did sound defensive, sorry I didn't mean to be. I just wanted to get across the point that naturally I've always felt straight, not because of the media. I was always naturally attracted to girls, fancied them, eventuall fell in love etc. Surely that's what counts? Going through various forums I've heard how many gay people knew from a young age, always felt different, attracted to boys etc. Well I've always felt attracted to girls, the feelings have been clear and true for 17 years and now I just dont know what to make of it any more. Sometimes I think its all too much over-analysis..
  6. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

    Dylan's response is good. I noticed you said that you noticed how "many gay guys knew from a young age." Even though that may be the case, many didn't realise until MUCH later. I say just give it time. I think you are most likely straight and just going through a 'confused' period. Many straight dudes do think about other guys while masturbating and are curious about gay sex. Maybe you're bi-curious? Like I say - give it time. I know it sucks hearing that because I know you want to be more sure of yourself NOW, but figuring out your sexuality ins't an overnight thing. It takes months, even years to work out (occasionally - I'm sure it won't be the case for you).

    Good luck! Keep us informed and tell us how you feel about stuff, okay? :)
  7. Man_of_Death

    Man_of_Death Member

    You sound like me three years ago... I was confused, all you can do is wait it out, slowly you will become comfortable with anything dealing with your sexual orientation. I'm male, bisexual/more hetero but I'm also fluid, the difference between sex with a girl and sex with a guy has become very unclear to me, all that matters to me is that I like whoever I'm doing. Most of the time it tends to be a girl, when I was confused I was constantly shifting between the sexes and I got really angry because of my frustration. Like most fellas in this position I didn't want to be gay, but the more I struggled it the worse it got. I decided one day to just accept my then current position, if I'd turn gay that would be fine, or if I'd turn straight that's also fine. Now I'm as I said I was, and I have a feeling it will stay that way most of my life. I've always loved being with girls in every way like you, but looking at myself from a pure sexual standpoint, both sexes get me going the same, just depends on who it is.

    Being 17 and confused is normal, at least for me it was.
  8. Rigamarole

    Rigamarole Senior Member

    I was amazed to read your post, because my situation is very similar (and for the record, I'm 21). I'm OK with admitting I'm bi but I would still be scared to say that I'm gay. I do love women, everything about them (the way they smell, the way they feel, I'm into women emotionally, etc.), but I also like cock. This is hard for me to reconcile because I just don't feel gay. And I've actually gone further than just head with guys.

    I guess I still have more exploring to do.
  9. yarapario

    yarapario Village Elder

    Rigamarole, you said, "I'm into women emotionally, etc.), but I also like cock. This is hard for me to reconcile because I just don't feel gay. And I've actually gone further than just head with guys." I think you hit on an important point..."I just don't feel gay". Society has defined these roles for people, gay,straight, bi. At our innner core we have no need for these definitions, we simply are who we are and we repsond to other people because of an attraction, lust, love, or just plain fun. Society needs to have a label for us, a category to stick us in so nobody has to do any serious thinking.... OK, He's gay so I know all about him, She's straight, nothing more to think about, That boy is Bi I got him figured out. WRONG! We're all wonderfully complex and if left to our own we wouldn't have to "feel gay, straight or bi. We'd just be ourselves. I wouldn't waste the time to figure out my definition...just love the one you're with. Enjoy!
  10. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

    ^tahts more of what I was trying to say too- theres no such thing as "feeling gay" or "Straight." being gay has nothing to do with who you are past the fact that you like people of the same sex. period. being straight has nothing to do with who you are past the fact that you like people of the opposite sex.

    good luck with figurin it all out tho!
  11. superusername

    superusername Member

    Do what you do just do what you do

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