Are you Flirtacious ? Does it get you into trouble ?

i'll have to wait for mysteron to explain that one, but i'll take it positively for now.

 

It's just like. I dunno. I hold my arms out my hands are sideways yeah?

 

i don't know, at this point i'm just picturing you walking around karate chopping people.

which, i suppose, is a little hot.

 

Well why don't you just check out the body language videos on You Tube ?

When I am standing I normally have a more open stance . There is a world of difference between this than the examples that you have shown.

If you want to take the Mick then fine .

 

I will have another crack at trying to answer this although its difficult without pictures .

I will set the scene . I am in our usual cabaret nightclub with my partner. We usually occupy an area next to a pillar. The pillar is roughly 6 ft square and has a shelf running around it to place drinks on. The pillar will be on my left with my partner directly facing me, the pillar is on her right. Behind her is the dancefloor and the place is dimly lit with the usual dancefloor lights overhead . So my left hand is "propping" up this shelf and my partners right hand is doing the same. In my free hand( my right) I have my drink and my Mrs her drink is in her left hand. My feet are pointing towards my partner and hers towards me . As our arms are way from the sides of our body we are doing what is called an open stance. Ie My Mrs is inviting me to converse and likewise myself with her. When my partner moves away say to the ladies . I will then occupy more of a defensive stance.( This when it works should keep others way) by shifting my weight by leaning on the pillar more and placing my drink on the shelf and I keep my right arm close to the side of my body. In extreme cases I will fold my arms whilst still leaning against the said pillar. This is a closed stance and uninviting .When my partner returns I will resume the normal open stance. That is the difference between the two.

 

Well described. I think the thing is Undies is saying he doesn't know how to hold his arms and so usually crosses them because it's comfortable, but he doesn't want to put off the ladies because he's single and not trying to keep them at bay. What's he meant to do with his arms as a single man looking to invite company. That's the question, I think.

 

I'm so glad I'm in a relationship and can cross my arms as I please

 

Thanks

If he sees a lady he likes , he should occupy an open stance. Very similar to the one I described . Don't fold arms as that is a closed stance and uninviting. His best bet when he is standing is to hold his drink in one of his hands and relaxes . That way the drink in his hand is automatically giving him an open stance. His feet should, if possible point to the person he likes . This is a much more inviting and open stance. Another tip I can give him is to learn about eye contact. There are plenty of videos on You tube that can help and will give him a clear advantage over his competition . Many guys cant read eye contact or even body language. Women tend to be naturals and brilliant at it . Eye contact, I cant over emphasise the importance . My Mrs used this on me when we she was on the chase . She held my gaze whilst I was standing at the other side of a vey large dance floor and gave me a wink after holding me in her gaze. The longest distance I have ever done it was when I was on a top deck of a double decker bus and the girl was at a café outside sitting at a table below. Its a great tool and opens the door.

 

yeah, pretty much. thanks.

i do understand the positions mysteron is describing, but the whole thing still seems strange to me. seems to me like it would make more sense to be in whatever position is natural, rather than having to consciously move into some unnatural pose to tell people whether or not you're willing to talk to them. but relationships have always been weird, this is just another weird layer that i don't normally think about.

 

I was lied to by my ex on a very frequent occasion. A lot of the times I would suspect it but I'd never accuse but sometimes ask or say my feelings. I was always made out yo be paranoid. But I'd mostly find out weeks or months after that my concerns were correct and even then once shes admitted it I'd say ok thank you and I wont mention it again. But one time when I was away on a stag one of the lads had my phone and found a private picture meant for my wife. He sent it to her best friend. I phoned her friend straight after and explained and she promised it was deleted and shed say nothing. I was not convinced and I had to tell my wife. My friends told me dont be stupid. But I knew if i didnt then down the line I'd be done over. So i told her. It was bad but we got through it. Weeks later, a girl went onto my wife and told her that I'd sent a picture to her friend. Everyone had seen it. So i would have thought my wife would believe me always as i think most men would have tried to avoid it. But to this day I'm still the paranoid liar. Didnt last. Crazy fucked up situation. As for flirting, i really do see the harmless side of it but if the couple arent open and honest over it then it's not just flirting.

 

to be honest, if a guy was saying the right things, i'm not going to wander off because his arms are crossed.
probably best carry on as you are and not over think.

 

yeah, that's not fun.
can definitely identify with being made out i'm the paranoid one.
but some of us know when to trust our instincts.

 

I wanted to place this example to demonstrate how covert and sneaky some people flirt.

Again I will set the scene . Its in the same night club as described before and I was in the same spot next to the pillar. This is actually our favourite spot as its easy to get on and off the dance floor from here . Anyway My Mrs had got her foot trodden on which ripped her big toe nail.. So she was in the Ladies Washroom with the Club First Aider in attendance and therefore I was left on my own . I was occupying a closed stance LOL and basically minding my own business.

Then I noticed this petite blond who was with her OH eyeing me up . I ignored her ,which I think kind of frustrated her . Her next action was to make a B line for the Ladies Washroom ,on which her route would take her right pass me. As she passed, she pushed her hip gently into me so that I would notice. When she returned she brushed past me again and went to join her partner approx. 40ft way at the next pillar. Then she caught my attention as she did something I have never seen before. She closed both of her eyes very slowly and opened them again . She did this 3 times whilst her OHs arm was around her. I have since found out that this action according to the consensus of opinion on another forum ,that it is an indication that she is clearly into me. I have never come across this example whilst doing my research on the subject . Obviously I didn't take her on and didn't return any positive signals. although this eye signal got the desired affect as it intrigued me more than anything .I am not sure what game she was playing or to her was it just a game? If her OH had seen what she was doing , I think he would have taken a dim view. I am still puzzled as to what her intentions were. Even if I was single it would have been very difficult to take forward with her OH already being there and I wouldn't try and take another guys woman anyway. That's just not the way guys do things , well not in my book anyway.

That example just shows how effective and quiet ,flirting can be using eye contact and body language. Flirting doesn't have to be done with the spoken word.

 

ah shit, now i'm supposed to say the right things too?

 

"You're so pretty"

It's easy

 

you're so pretty.

 

Your cat looks ready to flirt with me right now. Perhaps I should wake our lazy moggy up and we could have a cat flirting moment.

 

:swoon:

See, works everyti...oh wait, your arms are crossed. Never mind then

 

shit, but my feet were facing you! that should count for something.

 

yeah and just to confuse things further.. if a guy said "you're so pretty" to me, i wouldn't be especially impressed.