Are you Flirtacious ? Does it get you into trouble ?

First of all I was not sure whether to place this here or under Relationships.

This is a trait of mine the drives my Mrs nuts . Its something some of the time I don't realise I am doing .However I have to say I do find it fun and being honest It has got me into a couple of scrapes . I can best describe it as playing with fire .

One scape happened quite recently when I was doing an experiment for a guys over 40s fashion and lifestyle web magazine and was intending to see how many women I could attract dressed neatly on a night out. . The owner of the magazine wanted to dispel the myth that dressing neatly made you look gay . So my wife reluctantly agreed to tag along and went to a neutral city whereby we wouldn't bump into people we already knew.

Having established eye contact with around 6 different women , one actually started chatting me up at the bar whilst ordering the drinks . I got visions of spending the night in the Dawg house . This was a close one as she was moving in for a kiss .I had to stop her and tell her that I was married. This was reinforced when the bar tender placed my wife's drink next to mine. Thankfully the lady did see the funny side of it when I told her what I was doing and why. We parted company on very good terms and gave her a kiss on the cheek .

So flirting can be fun but it can also get you into trouble . I think its a trait better left for singles .

 

Just curious, why are you going through such great efforts to see if women find you attractive? The occasional flirtatious moment (unplanned), sure...that happens, even if you're in a relationship. But, it seems like you went through a lot of effort to get a reaction from women.

 

I can flirt textually (on a good day) but I can't/don't flirt much at all in face to face situations.

 

As stated in the text I was doing an experiment for an Over 40s fashion and lifestyle Web Magazine. The owner of the magazine asked the question "Does the way you dress make you look Gay ? " . I was doing it to dispel the myth .I wanted to find out whether it was women I attract or guys ? Whilst I am not Gay or Bi, I have been asked out in the past by a guy and chatted up by another . So it did get me thinking .

However the flirting thing is something I tend to do naturally . A lot of it is down to my eyes, as eye contact from a ladies point of view is a very good tool and ladies are very good at using it.( much better than most of us guys) .

 

Okay, I see.

All I can say, is that if your wife isn't an unreasonable person, and your flirty actions really bother her, you should try to stop doing it, at least not around her. Why would you want to hurt the person you love, you know? Even just a little?

You can't control if women flirt with you, but you can control if you flirt back...and like I said, if it's occasional, that stuff happens. But, if it's frequent, and it's ''driving your mrs nuts,'' then maybe you should stop doing it. I wouldn't want to hurt my husband, and make him feel like he's not enough.

 

Yeah. Sometimes men flirt with me in the shop, when they have wives with them. They get treated coldly by me, and if I can I start addressing the wife only.

 

.

Short of walking around with a bag over my head its difficult to do. My OH is used to my ways as we have been together for 30 years . It is normally initiated by the women as you correctly state. I do employ some defensive measures like folding of the arms which means in body language terms that I am not interested . However some more persistent ones do carry on. To many of them its just a game . I am not one for ignoring them either. At end of the day I see it as them giving me a compliment .

 

Yea, like married men who try to strike up awkward conversations on a grocery store line or something, with their wives there. Very awkward.

It's not really about whether flirting is right or wrong...it's about ...how does this make your partner feel? If your partner is an otherwise rational person, not jealous, then the flirting is probably making them feel uncomfortable, and you just have to ask yourself if getting some attention from the opposite sex is worth hurting your partner.

 

I get hit on by men, and if they're persistent...''leave me alone'' usually works well. I agree, for some it can be a ''challenge'' to see if they get a reaction from someone who is married.

You said in your OP that you think it's fun, so...usually people can pick up on if someone is interested in the flirting continuing or not. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive to others, it's human nature...but it's all about how it makes your partner feel, in the end. You'll get people on here who will tell you that it's not a big deal, but they're not your partner. I'm only going by what you said in your OP, about it making your partner ''nuts.''

 

Yeah, they're bitches.

Like if I guy flirts with me and he's not single, doesn't even matter if I think he's hot, I already know he's an ass. So why wouldn't I shut him down. If a guy flirts with me and I'm not single myself, I'm going to talk about my partner at the first and every available moment. If he's there I'd put my arm around him.

Anyone who wants the validation of someone wanting to fuck them over making their partner feel safe and important is of zero interest to me.

 

I think the term nuts I was using lightly here. My OHs usual reaction is rolling back her eyes or a shake of her head . Don't get me wrong here either she gets her fair share of admirers as well so its not al one way traffic. Many people have described us as a very attractive couple and both of us look 10 years younger than we actually are . That's the reason we chose a neutral city for this experiment as no one would know us . I also want to say Trust in our relationship is 100% strong but neither of us take each other for granted . So keeping each other on their toes so to speak works for us but appreciate this will not work for everyone . As I have said we have been together 30 years and married for 23 years. We were originally a couple of ravers so clubbing we still enjoy .

Thanks for your reply, I very much appreciate your views.

 

Yeah, sounds like your wife is happy enough, so doesn't bother me what you do : )
Congratulations on the long marriage.

 

I've been married for a couple of years now, and hope to have a long marriage like you. Congrats to you both

 

I have done something similar like that myself. There was a couple that go into a pub that we frequent and usually we have a pub lunch meal in there . I noticed that the lady of this couple cant take her eyes off me . This was building up over a few weeks . I tried the usual defensive measures to try and stop it. I even asked my OH just to watch and confirm that she was definitely looking at me as I went to the bar and back . My OH confirmed this and one particular Sunday another couple we know very well started talking to this other couple. This gave me the excuse then to go over with my Mrs and but in. So we joined in the conversation with the couple we know and the guy of this other couple. His partners face was a picture . She felt really uncomfortable and dived to the ladies to get out of the way just in case I said something. It worked !

 

Thanks to you both . You both have been brilliant in this conversation . One tip I can pass on for a long standing relationship is honesty and keep everything open ie Don't do anything sneaky behind your partners back .

 

With you on that 100%.
Have just come out of a relationship with a man who hid things, lied and could not tell me what was on his mind. So I'm feeling especially sensitive on the issue, haha.

Personally, I'd rather hear the most horrific truth than have "little" things lied about.

As for the actual topic.. I used to get accused of flirting, then I realised it's this whole thing men have with thinking laughter = flirting. Which it doesn't always. But I am more mindful that they take it that way, these days.

 

Why not just ignore people entirely ?

There's nothing more repulsive than a person who expects to be flirted with.

 

This happens to me all the time. I have a sort of teasing, lighthearted mannerism anyways which I suppose could be taken as flirtatious but I treat everyone this way, men and women and kids and elderly people

 

I've never flirted with a girl, and I just kind of assume girls don't want that kind of attention from me.

 

i thought you were doing quite a good job flirting with juicygurl90 : )