April18Th, My Homeless Day

This venture of life that I've been on, thinking of life as a journey, a movie of struggle with the great outcome of success and having a family. Yet this is not what happened for me, life was a struggle, family issues, personal issues, dealing with neglect, depression, suicide, addiction. Just looking for a, home, somewhere safe, a family whether it be biological, or just people who i knew and cared for as well as cared for me, but alas that didn't come easy for me either. I grew up alone, cast out, living in a basement, the family troll, the kid that was the mistake, though i tried to do what I could to make my real family happy, but it seems like the more I tried the more I messed up, following my heart led me down depression, disrepair, and questions of, love, is it real, or just a biological fulfillment of sex, getting to that point of getting sex, orgasm and then, nothingness inside a feeling of emptiness, shame and sorrow. I then tried to, "fit", in but nothing seemed to work, I sank into myself, just a room and me, casting out everyone and everything, finding joy in being alone. Life seemed to show me that society is a myth, and that freedom wasn't real, that I was just another cog in the gear, giving the thought that i was working to achieve a greater purpose, when in reality you are just that, a cog, working hard for the machine, and that's it. Now I find myself counting down the days till i'm homeless, I find peace in it, fear, joy, stress, humbled, chaos, but is that what freedom really is? yes I can feel down on myself that my life may end sooner, that i may not ever reach the age of 30, but I will enter this new life, with a smile, hoping to find wonders long gone from modern world, far overlooked, and possibly meeting new people when I land in my destination, which will be the west coast in California, a boy from the east coast, ending in the west. what will this new life show?

forgive any grammatical errors, I am quite tired, and its 2:30am haha but for me, I must ask those who read to smile, we need more joy in this world.

 

Even though you feel that you are a cog in the machine, you still may find freedom someday.

I hope things turn out for the best for you. You seem to have had it bad up till now.

 

I hope you find what you need.

 

Sorry to hear this. Why is April 18th your homeless day?

I imagine being homeless is tough for anyone, but if you are dealing with depression and other problems, and you are alone, that's got to be a lot harder.

You may be eligible for some social services, especially if you have been formally diagnosed with depression. If you haven't been formally diagnosed, you may be able to get a diagnosis. If you are able to work, you can get assistance finding a job, or maybe get education/job training. If you are unable to work due to a disability, you may be able to get social security benefits.

Visitng www.211.org, or calling 211 may be able to help you get connected with some services.

This is a link to Texas vocational rehab services
http://www.dars.state.tx.us/drs/vr.shtml

You might be able to negotiate a short-term extension of you current housing, and a counselor might be able to help you.



There is a program called "lifeline phone", or something like that, commonly known as "obama phone" that will give you a free cell phone and minutes if you qualify by income. This may be helpful to you whether you become homeless or not, since you will be able to maintain contact with people who might be able to help.

www.suicideforum.com may also be a helpful to you.

Wishing you the best brother

 

Everyone has a purpose. You just havent found yours yet. Ive been where you are. Sometimes I feel like im right back there, except Ive added a lot to my baggage along the way making it harder to give in or give up. I hope you find your way in life. And dont be despaired by the world.

 

Similar boat.

I've been couch surfing the past few weeks trying to hold out for a job until i can get into a place and unfortunately, in this city, theres a cut throat competition for work. I've manged to refocus. Money isnt everything but it sure does make things flow a little smoother, and its frustrating when things dont come together because money isnt there, as imaginary and arbitrary as the idea of attatching value to pieces of cloth is. point being, the shell is an easy one to crawl into when the world seems to be coming down around you, but find something important to you, some way to express yourself, be it on a forum or on a stage or through a mic or an amp or on paper, and use that as your shell. Usually its an easier way to communicate and your message in whatever context gets across much more clearly. then you wont feel so alone. the people that you want to spend time with will see your expression as what they are and you'll find a safe place.

Start writing and dont stop. Dont stop for anyone. when someone says you're rude for not paying them any attention, tell them WHY you're distant. and then turn back to your paper and pad after you make them write down their phone number at the top of the page.

Don't stop writing. You've got this