Any advice for depressed introvert?

Discussion in 'Mental Health' started by JHaze, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. JHaze

    JHaze Member

    I was hoping I could get a little guidance. I feel trapped in my situation. I've become unbearably isolated. My friends and I have increasingly different interests. The things I care about when I speak with them cause the conversation to stutter and I’m seen as a drag. I've always seen myself as a nurturer, and as such in the social group I've always tried to maintain social cohesion, or at least that is what I think I am doing. Little things, that I probably exaggerate the significance of in my own mind, like remembering everyone’s likes and dislikes and putting music, or a TV program or whatever, most agreeable to everyone present, little things like that I think about all the time. Whenever anyone needs any help, I’m happy do whatever I can. I have to feign interest in sports though in order to have a pleasant conversation. In my apartment, and at other social gatherings its always, and I mean always, centered around sports. Endless conversations about hockey or baseball or fantasy football. I used to have a ternary interest in some of those things, sort of, but that was just to shoot the breeze and be able to talk about the local sporting club to be friendly. Now I’m trying to do my own thing myself, but they are offended that I’m not watching a game with them, even though they get I don’t really care about those types of things as much as they do.

    I think, and I don’t know, but I have a more feminine thought process, I’ve always been more at ease with female friends than male ones. I’m very sensitive, though I rarely feel like it is safe to externally express my emotions. And while I’ve never denied that to anyone, I think my core friends who are male saw me to be more similar to themselves except with some eccentricities and radical leftist views that I would get over after I graduated from college. They in turn, from my perspective, have grown out of the activities that we use to mutually enjoy together. My roommates also have the attitude if you are depressed, why don’t you just get over it? I can’t talk to them, and I’ve tried a few times but they just don’t get it.

    The answer to my problem is simple, you probably are thinking, find new friends. But I’m an introverted mess. I don’t dislike anyone new I meet, but I’m guarded and aloof at first. I think I developed a dependency on the social group itself, the only way I could get any sort of intimacy with anyone would have to come about from a friend of a friend who would start coming to social events, and over time I would be able to open up to that individual. Though I can’t now even show my actual self within the social group, or if I do I am ostracized, so even that seems impossible. Tim Leary said to find the others. And I know they exist and I really want to find them. But if I knew where they were, I’m still reserved and the impression of me is off the mark. And I know, just be yourself, don’t worry about how others think, and I’m doing better at that a little, but its just in certain social situations, the stimuli is so overwhelming, and as hard as I try I can’t get past that completely. I’m just living alone in my own world in my head, not able to share that with anyone.

    If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for reading.
  2. HNW

    HNW Banned

    Me too, man. I have no advice, but I definitely know what it's like.
  3. zengizmo

    zengizmo Ignorant Slut HipForums Supporter

    JHaze, I would suggest using these forums - a LOT. Nobody knows who the hell you are here - try hanging out on threads that truly interest you and saying things you truly think and feel, and see what happens. Take a few risks here, where you can hide behind your online identity and your computer screen, and it won't affect your "real" life.

    I can't make any guarantees - but I'm willing to bet that if you do this for a few months you'll find your worldview and self-view changing for the better. It certainly helped ME, as I was recovering from some degree of post-traumatic stress disorder when I first got on here...

    Also have you considered finding a local group or organization that does stuff you enjoy? Or taking a class in something that really interests you? That way you meet other people in a structured setting who share some of your true interests.
  4. etherea

    etherea mother of the idiot children

    zen- excellent advice. The only thing I would add is that you really have to break this dependence on the group you associate with just now. I was going to say your peers but they are so obviously not. Good luck and hope to read more of your posts in the near future.
  5. zengizmo

    zengizmo Ignorant Slut HipForums Supporter

    Good point, Etherea. And JHaze, I think it will get easier to move away from your current social group as you gain more confidence in being yourself with other people and start to make friends who value the real you.
  6. Deranged

    Deranged Senor Member

    my two cents: force yourself to get active. pick up a couple new hobbies. go do things you know you'll enjoy. try not to overthink things so much. there's a whole helluva lot more to do than just chill with the same group of friends. go for a bike ride or buy a new video game. something to occupy your time so you're not sulking around all day. take up painting or photography. doesn't matter what it is. just something. you might be down enough that you really don't feel like it but force yourself. you might notice your mood elevate doing something you enjoy even though your depression tried to keep you from actually wanting to go out and start doing it.
  7. wild-flowers

    wild-flowers forever arbitrary

    Force yourself into social settings. It will pay off.
  8. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Visitor done what Zengizmo suggested and now find myself trapped in two worlds

    I will admit it helped a bit with real life but not as much as I'd hoped

    I think the key is to try and find a balance between Zengizmos advice and Derangeds advice
  9. Dude, Totally understand what you mean here, and whats worse is that it does make you feel alone when you don't have similar interests.

    I'm not jumping on the depression train per say....

    I have a few of my own issues as well, but get away from what makes you unhappy. Take some time for you.

    Isolation isn't as bad as it seems. At least you're not stressing over who to please.

    Please yourself, even if that means letting go of some things that might seem important.

    And also remember, its ok to have different interests.

    Keep your chin up, that is what I am trying to do. And even if it hurts to try and smile, once your there, it feels better. Smile(your worth it) :daisy:
  10. JHaze

    JHaze Member

    Thanks everyone for listening and your advice. zengizmoI I will try and post more around here and I think you are right about finding a structured setting, even though I tend to rebel against structure. I’ve had severe depression for a long time, but it really intensified when I graduated from college I think due to no longer having any classes/student groups to attend in which I could be comfortable in expressing a viewpoint.

    I want to break my dependence on my social group, as etherea suggested I do, but it is difficult living with them. I don't want to be an asshole and a buzzkill to them just because I have different interests. Also breaking away from them would mean the people I am closest to are people who resent me, I don’t have any close family to lean on for support.
  11. zengizmo

    zengizmo Ignorant Slut HipForums Supporter

    I have made major moves in location a few times in my life, and had to build a new "family" from the ground up every time. It takes time, but as you gain more contacts outside of your living group, I think it will help make your home situation easier to deal with...and eventually you'll hopefully get close enough to other like-minded people to find a more comfortable living situation. You don't need to be an asshole to the people you live with - you can do your best to be nice while maintaining some independence.

    And when it gets to you, come here to the forums and vent a bit. ;)
  12. zengizmo

    zengizmo Ignorant Slut HipForums Supporter

    BBAD, I think you're right.

    I admit that most of my friends are "virtual" at this point. But I will say this: Thank God for virtual friends. ;)
  13. silly sam

    silly sam Member

    i want to put a comment into this thread without ranting too much. but i feel pretty similar to you. i feel like im the one in between everyone. im not my own character, im not as confident but at the same time everyone likes me. it very hard to explain. i too feel like i have a feminine thought process towards things. i hate to say it i have even thought that i may be gay. but thats another issue with me and confidence with girls.

    i windsurf to an extremly high level, this is my biggest escape from the world more than any drug as it makes me feel myself, challenged, full of life and gives me my confidence as im good at it. but it has had great effects on my social life.

    As you said everyone talks about football or the most popular sport, i hate football but i put up with it as its what seems to make all the men in this world tick! during the main part of my life almost every weekend i have had to leave my friends and go to windsurfing events instead of partying and be social with the people i spend the majority of my time with. Wind surfing is incredibly social but as all from different parts of the country and world its hard to stay in touch or become friends you see all the time like school mates.
  14. Stay calm. You can't feel good if you're not confident in yourself, if you're always worrying. Really, you're just you and there's no way to change it, essentially. There's really nothing you can do...people are going to get the gyst of who you are no matter what. The only real problem is the fear and the worry of being utterly rejected and unloved. But it doesn't help to breed that kind of conformity, to assume that everyone has the same outlook on life.

    I mean, maybe if you worry, everything will work out all right. On the other hand, maybe if you don't worry, everything will work out all right.

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