Anxiety & Enlightenment

I was exposed to some extremely unhealthy things as a child and teenager. As a result I have flash backs. During a difficult memory I see the event and it plays out until I realize it's happening. I suddenly realize that my facial muscles are tightened, my eyes are closed and I'm holding my breath. I've become more mindful about recognizing and stopping the thoughts as I get older. My goal is to make them go away all together. I read Ecknath Easwaran in my early 20's. I think it was called insight meditation. The things he said made me feel like everything was going to be alright. I tried his techniques in meditation and I was making progress and feeling a great deal of relief. Then, slowly I abandoned it because I felt better. This is a pattern I repeat by not taking my anti depressant. I started drinking more and over indulging in drugs. Now here Iam turning 40 and I rarely make it an entire day without using something g. I know that meditation isn't going to solve these problems but I think it could make thing tollerable long enough for me to get my shit together and become a "healthy" person. My question is, how do I control the part of my mind that sabotages my spiritual progress and inhibits my logic. I do feel this is an inside job as I see a therapist and my DRs regularly and have been in a number of CD treatments. I'd appreciate any advice.

 

You may want to start your own thread on the subject.

It's hard to stop behaviors like this. If you really want to do or not do a certain thing, having a really clear and compelling reason that you can refer back to in a moment of weakness can be helpful. If you feel like blowing off meditation or medication, what reason can you think of now to change the behavior of your future self?

 

It's interesting reading this thread. I've been through much the same cycle, with a curve ball thrown in 21 years ago and wanting to get back to where I was.

I was always interested in meditation, metaphysics as a young adult. Had been through some crap, but sought out a metaphysically based therapist. In Indy. There I learned
how to meditate. Did some body/spirit work. I was also an INFP. Was told how rare this was, and that most of her patients were also ironically this M/B personality type.
My teacher was a devout feminist. Sometimes this gave me leeway, sometimes it really hindered my spirit. Problem was, I was living out in the country, where the people see
things very differently than I had learned in the four years I saw her. I learned to cope with my problems in a whole different way. And the friends I had back home were as far
from the path I was on, as they could be. She told me I should move to Indy, because in the psychic reading her and a friend of hers did privately (I wasn't there)told them that in
the next year my life was going to go totally crazy, and would never be the same. She said there was a gal I already knew who I would be with, and doing so would bring a deluge
of really stressful, bad times. And it proved to be true. It's a very long story so I'll just stop her and say that I need to find my way back to spirituality again so I can
meditate again. I haven't been successful at my attempts for years. I guess my soul has been changed and isn't opening up somehow.

Does anyone have any ideas? My therapist has long since retired btw.
I didn't put enough faith into all that I guess. I let my bad influences win, and they walked away laughing. But I'm free again and want to find my path back spiritually.

 

Imho, your therapist crossed the line. I think that a therapist's ideology and personal religious or quasi-religious beliefs should be checked at the door.

It seems though that you were happy with the results, so I guess it didn't work out too badly.

As far as meditating, I'd say pretty much the same as I said to kkat. Whatever meditation practice that you do, find one that you can do every day. No meditation practice can do you much good if you don't stick with it.