Anti-spanking

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by StarFaerie, Jan 24, 2005.

  1. madcrappie

    madcrappie crazy fish

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    let me ask if you were spanked as a child??

    I was spanked as a child. and I was never confused. I knew adults were right. if I was punished it was for good reason, so I never did it again.
     
  2. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

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    Yes I was spanking, hit, slapped, beat with a belt, threatened with closed fist, etc. And, the only thing I remember thinking at the time, was how could they do that to me? And how much I hated them. It is not an option for me to do that to my children.
     
  3. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Madcrappie I think I love you.
    You are the first person to agree with me. These people are ripping me apart, all working together and not even considering what I am saying.
     
  4. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

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    Duck, it's ok for us to have different opinions. I for one, wasn't trying to "rip you apart".:)
     
  5. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Working at my church nursery, (and no I didn't hit those kids). Some kids act up so badly that their parents get brought in from church. The parents come and tell the kids they are being bad. The kid stops, and the parent leaves, then the kid starts acting up again. The people are all stupid and church-y so the refuse to hit. I saw one of the mothers hit her daughter when she threw a toy at another child. The girl is the best-behaving kid I have now. Never acts up.
     
  6. crystalstarr

    crystalstarr Word

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    this debating isnt helping me, i for one dont want to spank anymore but i need suggestions to deal with the difficult child.
     
  7. thehipsterdufus

    thehipsterdufus Member

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    Quiet no more will I be.......

    Yes, I was spanked as a child. Never beaten, hit, slapped, punched, kicked, etc. My parents were two of the best ever (my own biased opinion, of course). However, they knew when a spanking was needed, and when an EXPLAINATION was due instead of a spanking.

    Sometimes kids just don't respond to words alone. If a child is not afraid of what his punishment will be when he knows something he is doing is wrong, what will stop him from doing it, especially if it is fun?

    Mind you, the 'spankings' were more often than not just a quick swat, with a little sting, but there were times when 'the belt' was used, and deservedly so. The action that prompted the use was certainly NOT repeated.

    I think spanking becoming so taboo in today's society is a main reason for much of the family dischord and youth violence in present times.


    just my $.02.......take it or leave it
     
  8. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    And why you always see little kids crying like crazy because they can't get a toy at Walmart.
     
  9. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    I have FOUR kids. All different personalities, one which is VERY difficult. We dealt with it with HARD WORK. This child has neurological problems (which were not immediately obvious) and if we had hit her, I can't imagine how awful,or even impossible it would have been to regain her trust in order to help her work out her difficulties. I can imagine her being a drug addict, or an alcoholic (kids who don't feel safe LOOK for artificial ways to feel safe) or a run away, or getting into all manner of dangerous behaviors if she had been in a household where she didn't trust her parents. "Blessed with good kids", please. That is bullshit hitters use to justify not doing the hard work other parents do when they put actual THOUGHT into their parenting. Hitting is for lazy parents. Parents who TRY do other, less violent things to bring about change and teach their children the lessons of life.


    crystal star, there were some suggestions on the first page of this thread. www.mothering.com has some good antihitting threads. Also there are a LOT of books about LEARNING about children, so you don't feel you need to resort to violence. NonViolent Parenting (I forget the author) is a good one. Go to www.lalecheleague.org and go to their catalogue, it has a LOT of good anti violent books on parenting.

    I CANNOT accept "this happened to me, and I'm OK." It is just ridiculous. There are children who lived through wars and they consider themselves "OK" there are kids who were sexually abused and they consider themselves "OK" there are kids who were abandoned and they think they are "OK" but no one would argue that these experiences are, then, an "OK" way to raise kids, and should be done to all kids. If you were hit and are now "OK" you are IN SPITE of the hitting, not because of it.

    AHAH!!!! So you CAN deal with difficult behavior without hitting. Told you. Apply these tecniques to your own kids, if and when you have them. WHY hit, when you have the abilty to do otherwise?

    If hitting children worked as well as it's advocates said, NO ONE would ever have to do it more than once.

    Using a belt is ABUSE, pure and simple. There is NO line there. You HIT a defensess child with a thick band of leather, you should be incarcerated. If you hit your neighbor with a piece of something like this, you would go to jail for assault and battery and maybe assault with a weapon. Do this to your OWN KID? Are you nuts? (Or were your parents?) No, not acceptable. ABUSE.
     
  10. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    So children are less precious if they misbehave a little?
     
  11. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    neglect and discipline are different things
     
  12. Abyle

    Abyle Member

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    I recently had a reconciliation with my dad who used to say fear was necessary to discipline difficult children. That theory tore us apart for nineteen years. (I actually told both my parents even the verbal abuse and threats in my adult life were too much; I'd rather be alone.) If you hit a child, it WILL strain the relationship because the parent becomes an enforcer rather than a nurturer and the child becomes a prisoner of sorts, someone who has to constantly be monitored and punished because she/he isn't learning impulse control. Spanking does NOT teach impulse control, because in the real world, no one spanks you if you don't go to work. (At least they don't here!) Instead, you don't eat. If a kid doesn't act politely in a restaurant, LEAVE. If a kid breaks a toy, make her or him earn the money to repair or replace it. I don't have a child, but it seems like real life consequences make more sense!

    Edited for a stupid misspelling.
     
  13. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    Discipline and hitting can be very different things. The word "Discipline" comes from the Latin "to teach" not the Latin "to harm" or "to hit with a wide swathe of leather." Discipline is meant to TEACH, and hitting ONLY tells a child (maybe) what NOT to do, it TEACHES nothing about what is correct and healthy and useful behavior.
     
  14. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Why does the root latin really matter?
    It's completely irrelevant.
     
  15. Abyle

    Abyle Member

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    "Attachment Parenting, the Radical Notion that Children are Human"

    Hehe, children as humans... Where do hippies get this stuff? :p j/k
     
  16. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    It is not about fear or impulse control
     
  17. Abyle

    Abyle Member

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    Really? So what is it about? Either you want the child to fear the punishment or you want them to control themselves before they act.
     
  18. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

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    I really don't think that youth violence and family problems are a result of non-violent discipline. I think it has more to do with kids being in daycare until 5 or 6 every evening and parents really not paying any attention to their children at all. These kids don't know what boundaries are.


    Maybe I was "blessed with good kids" but I'm not going to sell myself short, either. I work damn hard being a mother. I make sure that my children understand the difference between right and wrong, and I teach them how to WANT to be "good".

    We try to teach our children that violence is wrong. Solve problems by talking about them. We try to teach them to be kind and generous and caring. We teach them how to want to do the right thing. Children learn by example. They imitate their parents. When I get frustrated, I tend to sigh and roll my eyes. Well, recently, my 2 yo started doing the same thing. So, whats stopping her from imitating a spanking?
     
  19. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    It is about consequence.
     
  20. Abyle

    Abyle Member

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    I'll make one more post and quit. Isn't that a bit short-sighted? If I do X, I'll be spanked. It also assumes the child doesn't think beyond the level of a soda can. PEOPLE are capable of being sneaky. You want to raise empathetic people, not people who sneak around getting punished.
     

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