Another nightmare of mine would be if I could not choose who I was, if I were completely the product of my genetic makeup and environment with absolutely no choice in the matter, if psychiatry were right in asserting that one should be controlled by the state because of bad genes, if I were predestined to be one way or another, if I could not choose my reactions or lack-thereof, if I were every negative remark that was made to me, if I was how I think anyone else might see me, if I was every negative thought in my mind, if I were a little schizotypal runt who was massively inferior to humanity at large, if I could not think a positive thought because of the very nature of who I am, if I were what anyone told me I am
That is a nightmare! you should read Brave New World by Auldous Huxley. Damned good, you've touched on some concepts in the book. Also sounds like a taste of the most extreme paranoia i've ever come across - mine. I won't go into it, but I lived all the shit of the world through my mind, through this body, for 2 years. probably the result of overactive and non-expressing imagination combined with a summer-winter-summer brain-feeding extravaganza of herbs, fungi, pharmies and research chems, but I was a bit of a fuck up then But then I saw the best the world can be (through the same mental projection) and how i could bring it all about (from anti-christ to christ), and then realised I was *mashed up* and now live like i'll die tomorrow, and trying to better myself and everything around me.
