Another love advice thread.

I'm not sure if its the same time every day.. but I know its pretty much every morning.

 

ask him how much he talks to his ex and ask him how he feels about her and shit and if you catch him lieing say "don't lie to me" and he keeps his story then go ahead and tell him you were snooping. then you both were doing untrustworthy shit so it's a balance lol

 

yea there's no excuse to talk to his ex everday unless it's his baby's mama

 

I gotta talk him up first.. starting out with some small subtle questions haha
I'm not gonna let him know about my snooping I dont think

 

sounds like a good idea

 

"hey baby.. do you like it when i suck your cock?"
"yes.."
"why the fuck do you talk to your ex all the time bitch!"

 

hahahahaha very subtle

 

dearie, i know this is hard to hear, but you are being controlling. do you not TRUST him? can you handle that he is NOT every other boy you've dated? he is a person, and deserves his privacy. plus, guys are remarkably simple to please, but they dont do subtle.
IF he denies talking to her, it is likely not because he doesnt want you to know, but that hes afraid of how you'll react. or more, he knows how you'll react, which is what he wants to avoid. your only threat is yourself.
are you in love with this guy? is he worth the time if you don't trust him? are you takiing care of his relationship needs? or are you looking for flaws and "hes not (doing, saying, etc) like i want" to resent and let simmer?

bottom line is YOU are more upset now as a result of your snooping. you have no control over the past, and its not nice to use someone elses bad choices against them. he cant change that he dated this chick, he cant change that he cared for her in the past, but that caring changes over time. you cant tell him who to be friends with, all you can do is accept him as he is and was, and trust him. you can make it so he wants no other woman, YOU can make porn obsolete for him.

they should teach this stuff in sex ed.

 

I do everything for this kid.. I really try hard to be a good gf so that he doesn't want any other woman. I really try my hardest but he still just wants his ex I guess.

Ugh I'm so confused. I suck at relationships

 

relationships are tough. we are raised a certain way, and we come to know love in different ways. tell me how you try to be a good girlfriend? thats kind of a blunt question but i cant think of another way to phrase it

 

I just try to keep him happy, mostly haha

 

i have to say i don't really agree with mother's love

yea, maybe he's not like other guys in the past that may have hurt you. so you shouldn't let his relationship with the ex, mess up his relationship with you.
but it sounds like his relationship with her isn't really over.

my gf has looked at my phone before, and she's even seen a couple of shady things in there. yea i got pissed, but it was mostly because i got caught

if he had NOTHING to hide, he wouldn't be THAT pissed about you snooping
sure it's a privacy issue, and a trust issue, but if that's what you found, then your suspicions might be true.

 

i was just trying to point out that all she can do is try to make her own decisions wisely. she can choose not to bring it up and add stress to the picture, and if he decides to go back to his ex then thats his decision. at least she then knows she didn't make things worse by harping on him about it. she can choose to bring it up once and then drop it ie "(insert term of endearment) i went through your phone messages the other day, and i feel really bad about doing it. i thought some of the things (the ex/ you) said were inappropriate. i dont want to nag you about it, so im not going to. now lets have sex XD" but you have to stick to it of course. you have to trust that he wants you more than her, and if he doesnt then its his loss, his gamble.

if you "do everything" for him beware of becoming like mommy. its hard to get intimate with a mommy figure you know?
hey, you asked for advice, and i have a barrel of pennies. lo freaking l.

 

how bout I just get you so stoned, that you dont remember his name..

 

Ok, where to start. First of all, if you were looking through his phone in the first place then you guys have other issues. Trust and being open to each other is the key to a good relationship. If you keep it from him that you looked through his phone then you are just as bad as he is for "talking" to his ex. You guys are very young at this point so you both have a lot to learn about yourselves as well as each other. Yes, relationships are hard but if you can't trust each other then it's time to move on. If you are both willing to take the steps so that you don't even question him and he you then you guys just need to be there for each other.

Yes, you should mention it to him and yes you should express yourself. You should tell him that you are sorry that you looked thorugh his phone and don't make any excuses. You need to be up front and honest. Don't tell him you did it because you don't trust him, you can tell him you did it on a whim but even that is a white lie at best. Up front and honest is the way to go. It is how he will learn about who you are and you him in how he deals with it. It should not be a yelling match and you should be able to talk about it in a calm way. If it turns into an argument and yelling then you both loose and nothing will be resolved. It can only create more problems. If he gets mad and yells and storms around then wait for him to finish and continue to talk in a calm manner. You need to be in control of yourself. If he can't talk to you in the same way then wait for him to calm down or suggest they take this conversation up again later. Also, never do anything like this over the phone or in a text, it should be in person in a quiet place where you two can talk this out. Don't make any demands and don't tell him anything other than that you are hurt by the fact that he still talks to his ex. Don't say, you can't talk to her anymore, this is his choice. If he chooses to continue a relationship with this person then maybe he is not the one for you. Again, I am not saying you need to make any demands or statements that you might regret. Just tell him how you feel. Let him decide if he wants to continue with you or her or anyone for that matter.

I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone. I was married for 13 years and the reason we lost touch with each other is because of trust. It's not hard to loose trust and one little "harmless" white lie can snowball into another just to cover up the first one and so on and such. When it came time to begin another relationship for me I went into it as honest as I could be in order to make sure nothing would be left hidden to come out later and bite me in the ass. So far it is the best thing I could have done. But this is not about me it's about you.

I am not telling you to break up with him but there comes a time in every relationship when you need to make a decission. Make it for you and how you feel. Nothing else matters, and don't let anyone tell you that they are more important than you are to yourself. If you are true to who you are and like who you are then everything else will fall into place. Karma rules the universe.

I hope everything works out for you and we would all like to know that you have resolved your problem. Good Luck.

 

Wait a second, so you say you saw that she said she had a dream they were back together. What did HE text back.. thats the important part.
I would have checked the sent messages folder first.
women play games more than men. she knows he has a new girlfriend and is probably trying to see if she can get him to admit to still feeling something for her to make herself feel better.
Women are evil that way.

I say leave the fucker, but Im a cynic.

 

Have you ever considered a long-distance relationship?

 

Telling him you looked threw his phone, might blow up in your face, I wouldn't tell him about that part. talk to him but with out giving it away you looked threw his phone

 

Yeah, talk to him. Tell him the truth. If he gets mad? And never talks to you again? He never liked or loved you to begin with. Confront him. Be strong. Find out the truth.

plain and simple and to the point.

 

Wow. Thank you soooo much! This really helped out a lot. I talked to him a little bit last night, but didn't tell him that I creeped through his phone. I basically just told him that I think his ex is blocking us from having a half decent relationship and he said that "it's in the past, it was 4 years ago, i don't know why you still harp on that" yaaaa hmm I wonder why?

Anyways, he told me we'll talk more today, and I wanna talk to him in person for sure.. and I'm going to tell him about the phone and just pretty much tell him that if he wants to keep talking to her like that then I'm out of the picture.



I'll let yins know what happens after I talk to him.