Anger

I agree totally, and I don't like change.

I agree totally with this as well, and change can be scary at times for me personally.

What do you mean "losing yourself"? - I hate the idea of letting myself go and becoming soft, and I may have been like that when I was younger, but as i've grown older i've changed and become harder and more serious.

I know what it's like to mellow be and chilled out, and I hate it so much and feel as if i've gone soft - It makes me angry with myself and soft, then I start to get all hard and serious again like I usually am.

 

Chris, your gonna have to get comfortable with going soft. Your brain is telling you it's bad but you have to override that. Going soft is the only way you'll ever change for the better. You just need to ignore the panic signals your brain puts out when you go soft. In the end you'll realize that your a much better person. Don't define the feeling you get as going soft. Just define it as anxiety, plain and simple.

 

It isn't my brain telling me it's bad, but I just know that it's not good.

I prefer to take a serious, determined and aware approach to life, despite most people finding it boring.

There are plenty of bad things that can happen to you in life, and life can be cruel, and cruel things DO happen to "nice" people in life, as you may often hear about and even people that you know.

The problem with becoming soft is that I lose my intelligence, struggle to say the right things and put them in the right context, become underconfident in arguments and say the wrong things, and I like to be hard, serious and in control.

I don't want people to think that i'm gullible and easy to take advantage of, and i'll feel like a pushover - No-one will take me seriously, and they aren't going to stand up and take notice.

I'll get looked at funny, become thick and oblivious to things and in general it won't do me good.

I just simply CANNOT allow myself to be that way.

 

"Going soft" just means relaxing and not WORRYING about everything so much. Your anxiety, fear, and stubbornness are just killing you right now. You've just gotta take a massive chill pill and start accepting life's shortcomings instead of constantly fighting against them. Like you, I struggle to fit in. Like you, I wish I had a loving girlfriend. But I accept these shortcomings. It's just part of life. Many people experience this, aspie or no. Trying to be this "hard, determined" person is not going to get you anywhere. Take pleasure in your interests and hobbies. That's what aspies are best at. Try to enjoy people as much as you can instead of turning socializing into some sort of war to win everyone's respect. Believe it or not, no one is out to get you. If you'll just relax and be yourself, you'll find that it's not as difficult as it seems at first. It takes some practice, and it seems like you've built up some major walls between you and the rest of the world that will have to be broken down over time, but in the long run, people are pretty simple - for the most part, we're all just trying to get along the best we can, and if you'll look at it in a more optimistic light like that, I think you'll find it easier.

 

Well I can't calm down, and it will make lose my intelligence and become gullible. I ought to make more effort to keep things together and contain myself, but for some stupid reason, I have difficulty containing myself at times, which I don't know why.

Well i'm used to accepting life's shortcomings and had plenty of practice over the years.

Well I refuse to accept it, and I don't want to suffer in silence and be content with that.

Being hard and determined won't win me any friends, but I do well in college and pass all my assignments that I need to pass.

 

Chris,
I feel like you need to take ownership of these problems. By that I mean you need to realize that you have much more power than you think you have. Look at people tripping out, seeing the true nature of the universe. The brain is much more adaptable than you think it is. Once you realize that you have power to think the way you want to think, you'll be free. If you want to relax, you can. It takes a lot of practice but eventually you'll be able to relax on command.

Chris, about being gullible. I know the feeling your talking about. I've felt it too. The thing if you look at that feeling, you have to ask yourself if your really relaxing at all. If your hyper vigilante, did you really relax at all? The reason I ask this, is that you can't do relaxing in a half sort of way. You gotta give it your all, including blind faith. Once you give it blind faith, it'll work out.

Utlimately, you have to realize that life isn't perfect. The happiest people in life are those who except it for what it is, not what it could, should, or would be. Live in the present. Get happiness out of everything and anything you can. Even the shittiest experiences have some happiness in them if you look hard enough.

 

Chris:
Not messing with you. You say you like lift a pint ? Try this, instead of going straight home from school, pop into a pub.
Sit down next to a old man, say "good afternoon" and introduce yourself. He'll probable say good afternoon and I'm Charley.
Ask Charley what he does. "oh, retired from railroad, aye ?" .Bet you've got some stories after 40 years on the rails.
Don't talk about yourself, unless he asks. He well enjoy the company and someone new to tell his story's to.
This is about as non-threatening as it comes.When your done with your pint, say Its about supper time and I better be getting home.
Didn't cost you anything but the price of a pint.

 

I think Alaskan has a good idea here. Answer this question:
How do you expect to meet people and make friends unless someone starts first?

 

Chris, you need to grow up.

We all have to at some point.

You're acting like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum; slamming chairs down, stomping off... Anger is for the weak...we're all naturally weak. We all feel anger. Showing it, especially around people who don't know you, is going to repell anybody who comes near you. Nobody likes somebody who's angry all the time.

Control your anger.

As for "being looked at funny," you don't think that most people on here know what that's like? We've all been looked at funny from time to time. Whatever, don't pay attention to that.

Nobody is interested in being around you because people simply don't want to be around negativity. You have a down attitude about everything, it seems, and that's a turn-off.

Life's going to suck hardcore if you don't learn to enjoy it. And no girl or friend can help you enjoy life. You seem to think that having a girlfriend will make your life perfect, but it won't. You seem to be miserable, and you'll be miserable with or without a girlfriend until you make changes in your outlook and reactions to things.

You say that if people'd get to know you they'd like you? How could they possibly get to know you? You've got a giant wall built around you.

 

*claps*

 

Get help or stop posting this here.

I am really sorry that you are having your own issues but to be honest it has nothing to do with men's issues......it is your issue.

Move your posts to a forum that suits your own issues or I will remove them.

Heat