Anger

My advice is just calm the fuck down. Seriously. Just be cool. Don't go around being paranoid about what people think of you, because you'll just attract it. Trust me, if you go out thinking people are going to make fun of you, they will. If some girl calls you gay, dont get angry. That's just what they want you to do. Be cool about it, and they'll end up looking stupid.

There was a kid at my high school that everyone laughed at, and he was a big burly guy and would get angry a lot. They'd never say anything to his face, but they loved to laugh at him behind his back. It was really is anger that made him such a target, and the ridicule that it brough him just fed into it. Like I said, be cool.

 

Well I don't understand how you, despite experiencing what i've had yet still manages to keep calm through this, and if I were you, i'd be a bit more expressive and strike a bit of fear into them and show them what real anger is - You don't have to stand for nonsense, just like I don't have to.

Show your anger and let them know how you feel.

Well looks matter to me, and most of the girls at college aren't that good looking, and I feel jealous and angry whenever I see a good looking girl and knowing that I haven't got that - It's a quality that i'm proud to have because I won't accept some cheap plonk that isn't good enough and can distinguish the difference between gorgeous girls, the good girls, the average/ok girls and the ugly girls.

I spoke to the counsellor last July/August, and he wasn't much good and a waste of time.

Well you do what you want to do, and it's your life.

Well I suppose that's good way of thinking of things, and if you want to think that way, then go ahead, but I won't let things like that worry me or cross my mind as they're so sad and not worth worrying about.

No they don't.

 

I'm about to say what everyone else who has tried to give you sincere advice has said. You're a moron. Just stop posting this bullshit. You're obviously happy the way you are, and no amount of good, reasonable advice is going to make you change. You'd rather be sad and wish you could get a girl to like you than actually try to do it. I mean, is this exhaling through your nostrils bullshit working for you? All you have to do is stop being such a sulky, paranoid dumbass and people will start to like you.

What are you looking for here? People give you advice -- which is actually good, honest advice to help you -- and you just throw it back in their face. If you're not after advice, then what is it? Attention?

I'm not going to spew some psychobabble about you having a disorder, or anything like that. You're just acting like a fucking moron, and you refuse to change, even when it would be so easy to. Maybe you get a kick out of complaining about people hating you, but that's just stupid. No one even pays attention. I doubt half the people you think are laughing at you are. It's your fault you have no friends, no girlfriend, and no life. It's not their fault. It's because you think that you have to put the fear into people and show them your anger. You think they give a fuck if you don't like the way they act? No. You're the one who gets upset over what they think of you. They're certainly not the ones being nonsensical, and I think everyone who has read your posts on here knows that. And I hat to b reak it to you, but you do have to put up with nonsense. They have a right to be the way they are, and you don't have the right to stop them. So just adjust a bit better and make some friends, or piss off. Everyone's tired of your complaining.

So, is a girlfriend like a car to you? If it looks good and it's well made, you want it? What an asshole you must be. I can see why you don't have a girlfriend. Even the ugly girls can do better than you. I mean, looks are a factor, but certainly not the highest priority. They're the first thing to be sacrificed. An average girl with a great personality completely trumps a gorgeous girl who's a moron. At least in most people's minds.

 

i thihnk i just fell in love with you

 

Chris, you'll be so much happier if you see a therapist, I promise.

 

See Chris, it's that easy!

 

Using anger to get a response out of people is very dangerous, Chris.

Using anger to get a positive response out of people is pretty much impossible. You may want to change your tact.

EDIT: And you are being a moron. Listen to yourself. You are a broken record spewing over and over and over and over and over and over the same old Chris, same old problem. No one can help you. You will never get a 'pretty girl'. It is not in the cards for you because nobody wants to date a broken record.

Best of luck being you for life. You're going to need it.

 

Well it won't cause a feud, and i'd never really let it come to that - The least I would do is slam chairs under the table if they're in my way as i'm walking out.

I AM quite tactful, but seems as you haven't been in my situation, you haven't a clue how I feel and with my life being like it is and me feeling like I am, I suppose you'd go to any kind of lengths to get a positive response, with me using my anger. Even if I don't get a "positive" response, i'd hopefully get some kind of response one way or another.

Well i'm not a broken record when I talk to people, although I may sound it on here. As for a "pretty girl" not being on the cards, you're just saying that to disappoint me.

 

Your hands are there for a reason *nods*

 

Ha! Another one bites the dust as Nalencer reaches his turning point!

Chris, you have a way of taking everyone that's tried to help you and piss them off to a point where they just dismiss you as an asshole. (It's part of the interest in reading these threads to see how far you can push well meaning, big hearted folk to say ' go fuck yer hat' )

Theres a big fact you gotta face but you ain't ever gonna do it. You are NOT normal. You are NOT better functioning than all other Apsy's and your life situation/problems are DEFINITELY related to it. I think part of the reason you don't post this crap on an Aspy's forum is because then you aren't the special one that stands out/ gets all the attention and you can't toss back the " well you don't know how I feel " bullshit line, 'cause they do know how you feel.

I've gone through and read some of these Aspy forums. They sound just like you - with the exception of the older ones who have already learned that life is just gonna be a pile of lonely shit for them and just got on with living instead of whining constantly.

 

Well these people have given me some good advice, and I don't intend to upset anyone, but with me being like I am, I can honestly say that i'm not going to speak to a counsellor or get help because i've tried it once and the best the counsellor could come up with was recommending me to this "Youth link" thing that had people from all different backgrounds, but I don't want to be part of that or be in that category of weirdos.

I know i'm not normal because I don't do the things that "normal" people do. I don't go out much and I don't have a girlfriend or a social life - I know all this and have even admitted it.

Well I cope better than most and don't have the symptoms as severe, but I guess that i'm a lot more expressive than the other Aspy's and don't stop short of giving my opinions. They may be happy with themselves and cope fine, but I reckon most of these haven't got the guts to say how they really feel, like I do.

I agree with this statement.

Well they're just content to sit back and not say a word, but like I said previously, i'm expressive in my opinions and don't stop short of giving my opinions and saying what I really think/feel.

I don't do it to impress anyone, but it's just how I am I guess.

 

i've just been looking at this site all afternoon, and here's what i've learnt so far, but yet to put into practice:-

Conversation tips
1) Use ice breakers to break the ice a bit, (you get what I mean I presume).
2) When questioning a girl, ask her fresh and new questions instead of asking her boring questions.
3) Don't brag to impress her.
4) Watch and learn from a girl and question her about a specific thing of hers.
5) Use nicknames for the girl to pick up.
6) Talk about something "sex related" to get her in the right mood for sex, but DON'T talk about something that involves yourself and herself because i'd scare her off.
7) Avoid long uncomfortable silences and boring her with waffling.
8) Listen to her as well as speak and don't waffle to much and bore her.
8) Be careful how you say things and don't show body language that shows signs of nervousness.
9) Don't be a loud mouth and start shouting things (I WOULD NEVER DO THAT).
10) Keep your head up high and don't look down.
11) Don't be afraid to take a chance and approach a girl.
12) When organising a future date with the girl, decide on a day and time as well as getting her number.
13) Watch what you say and ask questions that don't require a yes or no answer and involve her doing a lot of talking, such as "Why are in you in such a good mood?" and "Why do you look so down?".
14) Use lip-reading if having difficulty hearing her in such loud places like nightclubs etc.

Behaviour tips
1) Don't allow your fear to get the better of you when approaching a girl.
2) Make a note of 5 good and bad qualities of yourself and make an effort to improve them.
3) Be confident by boosting your health such as going to the gym and using body weights.
4) Shave the right way.
5) Expand your playing field and talk to girls in a variety of places such as bars, clubs, parties, as well as parks, beaches and supermarkets.
6) Use your initiative like an alpha-male.
7) Earn her respect and get her to earn yours - It works both ways.
8) Do something interesting and show you enjoy it to impress the girl.
9) Be prepared and make sure your place is spotless tidy.
10) Take your time and do things gradually.
11) Have a good social value.
12) Pretend that you've known a girl for a specific amount of time and don't be afraid to initiate a conversation with her.
13) Make sure your outfit matches.
14) Give a girl attention and use descriptive comments to describe her attractiveness and make her feel good.
15) Build up your own confidence.
16) Be different from other guys and show some courage.
17) Make as many friends as possible that are already involved in relationships.
18) Leave something at the girl's place to remind her of yourself.
19) Don't ejaculate too early when having sex.
20) Be romantic and buy the girl flowers.
21) Travel to nice places so you and the girl can have a good time.
22) Chin up, shoulder back and strut - Have good body posture and impress her.
23) Be clever and deliver little gifts to impress the girl.
24) Buy the girl chocolate.


Body language
1) Make enough eye contact with the girl.
2) Read her palms.
3) Study her shoulder orientations.
4) If her shoulders point at you and she is leaning towards you, then you can put your mind at ease, it's yours for the taking.
5) If her legs or feet are widened this means she is very comfortable with her surroundings and with you.
6) If the girl likes you, her pupils in her eyes will get bigger.
7) If she smiles at you, go over there and talk to her.
8) If the girl finds you funny, it's a sign that she likes you.
9) Act as good as gold.
10) If a girl looks at you two to three times, it's obvious that she wants to talk to you, so go over there and talk to her.
11) If a girl/women flips her hair she is interested in you.

 

Ummm... I don't see how you have put anything to practice Chris.

You've been posting here for several months (years?) now, and I'm not sure what it is you are proactively doing to better yourself and your situation. I do not doubt you. But I think it's about time you get off your butt and make things happen in your life. Take some control and ownership of yourself and reach out to people who are deserving.

Who cares about rejection? If they reject you, they weren't worth the trouble to begin with - but the point is to keep being yourself - and through a couple experiences of rejection - you may learn something about yourself and ways to connect with other people.

GET GOING. Go where you need to be, Chris. Stop dancing around your issues, and immerse yourself in social situations that will do you some bloody good.

 

Chris, for starters stop quoting everybody. You come off like your being attacked or fending off an attack.

 

I don't mean to, but i'm just taking note of a few things.

I don't get what you mean by that - The facts are good and worth taking notice of and bearing in mind.

 

You aren't higher functioning than many aspies. In fact, I've spent quite a lot of time on WrongPlanet and you are actually way up there when it comes to paranoia and being just *frozen* by this anxiety. Seriously, look into Buddhism or something. What you really need is just a GIANT chill pill. You're clearly a bright guy. This stuff isn't that difficult, you're just making it difficult with your highly analytical mind. Try to go more on "autopilot" - that's that NT's do. Just don't sweat all the details so much, and your life will be a lot better.

 

Well maybe in the future when i'm living by myself instead of with my parents, i'd get more freedom and be able to express myself better.

Well I tried speaking to the counsellor last year, but the best he could come up with was "youth link."

Well just over 3 months ago, I talked to my parents about going to a pub or nightclub and hopefully meeting a future girlfriend, but my mum was saying how you don't do these sort of things on your own and how you do it WITH someone such as mates or whoever. My mum said that I look vulnerable and how teenagers would pick on me/start on me.

My Dad said a similar thing, and told me about the horrible people in pubs, and how someone once nutted him in the nose, and that if I was to go chatting up a girl and her guy approached me, he'd say "Are you chatting my fucking bird up!!!???" and smash his pint glass in my face. Also, he said about not looking at people or having long eye contact because they'd say "Are you staring at me!!??" and also to know when someone is really your friend and when they really aren't, such as expecting you to always buy the round of drinks and take money off you every time. My Dad said how I have Asperger's syndrome, but I refused to listen to that and won't let some stupid condition like that hold me back.

I care about rejection, and I don't respond well to setbacks.

Well i'd like to get myself out there, but things are holding me back, and my parents don't exactly make me feel any better, and even though i'm aware of possible dangers, they're making me feel worse by overemphasizing the possible dangers.

Maybe I should be a bit stubborn and go out there, totally disregarding them and experiencing things for myself? - I don't need some Dad or anyone protecting me, and i'd rather do it for myself, and I have the guts to, but having said that, I wouldn't feel at ease sat in a bar or pub and a girl won't be interested in me.

I've tried reading advice on www.becomeaplayer.com, but I just don't know really.

I'd love to be able to meet a really sexy and gorgeous girl that loves me and with a really beautiful smile that is fun to be with and enjoy being in one anothers company, as well as get intimate and have sex etc and her being the love of my life - I'd love that in an ideal world, but it won't happen.

My parents are trying to scare me, and they ought to give the "protecting" a rest.

 

Parents no doubt can be a royal pain in the ass when you try and form relationships, espically when you are a only child (been there done that ) but, speaking as a girl, I would be a little more then apprehensive to talk to someone who walked out of a resturant throwing chairs because they got a dissaproving look from two girls trying to enjoy there lunch without being stared at by a stranger, if you want good attention next time send some drinks to there table. I personally hate being stared at, more so when I'm eating, I like to feel like I can go out in peace, but I'd deffinatly respond to a nice fellow sending me and my best gal pal a drink! Even if it was just a smile, wave and e-mail addy!

 

So at college you think that I should send them drinks over?

I can understand your apprehension, and i'd feel the same way if it was a girl reacting in the same way.

If so, what do you suggest? - Orange juice?
(They don't sell alcohol or any nice drinks there really, and some people may have coffee or whatever.)

Also, what if it backfired and the girl refused it/thrown it back in my face by throwing it over me or thinking that i'm manipulating them by buying them drinks/making them feel cheap?
(I'd feel extremely foolish and shameful.)

You don't always know what WILL happen, but I do know what COULD happen.

Also, i'd actually buy the drinks myself and send them over myself, seems as people buy their own food in the cafeteria and take it to their table.

Well not all girls will respond, and i'd feel foolish if it backfired.