An Assessment Concerning Toxic Relationships And Trivial Viewpoints...

Okay. So I got into a small, rather unproductive debate with some friends of mine earlier centered around women in relationships. First, I'll say that I'll try not to be too critical or stereotypical in my assessment. I can't necessarily make any promises on that note because the views I hold are my own, and if I'm wrong for speaking or thinking in a certain manner there is time to debate and change my views in relation to the views of others. That said, here goes.

The debate started when my brother, a friend and I started talking about this girl who my brother was trying to fool around with a few years ago. She was in a relationship where the person she was with cheated on her, so she was trying to cheat on him in return. She was very flirtatious and even seemed like she wanted to fool around with just about anyone that she met that came over to my house. Long story semi-short, she ended up fooling around with one of my friends, who knew my brother was wanting to get to know her. Oddly enough, that friend was the one in the car at the time this debate popped up! (Funny how things work out)

Anyways, I'll cut through all the small talk and minute details.

We got into a sort of heated discussion about how things went down when all that happened. He mentioned that he received a text from her a few months ago. He texted back a sort of snide nickname that he had given her and never received a text back. So we started talking about (or maybe I brought it up) how I can't count how many times that I've heard a woman say something along the lines of "He treats me like dirt," "I don't know why I'm still with him," "He's cheated on me," "I don't even want to be around him anymore..." even to the point where the relationship they're in is toxic. Violent even. [Refer to Notation 1 below for my feelings on this subject]

I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say that and still refuse to leave the person they're with for fear of being alone. I don't understand how the fear of being alone outweighs the constant struggle of abuse in one form or another.


Here's my point! Are you ready?


Basically, I'm questioning whether a girl (or boy. Woman or man, whatever) that's in a toxic relationship but refuses to leave the person they're with (and constantly talks about it) is considered... self-masochism?

Also, does this stem back to the age old belief that women are more driven emotionally, whereas men are more driven logically?

As always, there are too many variables present here to judge any and all that are in this sort of relationship. People vastly differ in their way of thinking and lifestyle choices and I understand that. But, as a for instance or a 'for the most part...' ? Is this a valid argument??


Notation 1: (Now, I will make an exception where there is violence and/or fear involved in a relationship. That is a different and much more difficult situation to escape from depending on the circumstances. Anyone involved in a situation like that, I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope you do manage to rid yourself of your current situation.)

 

I used to mess around with my slutty neighbor who was always in a bad relationship. Later i was in a relationship that went way too long. It is hard to judge someones situation. Some people should be alone and yet alone is scary

 

Co-dependence, perhaps. I think some people are just needy and cannot be alone.

 

I don't think it is fair to pin this entirely on women because men stay in bad relationships too

With that said, I think people who stay in bad relationships mostly just have low self esteem

Physically abusive relationships are kind of a different story, I don't think a lot of people understand them - I'm not quite there, having never been in one myself, but I do try to understand friends who have been there.

I think in physically abusive relationships the abusive person isolates the other person to the point where it is very difficult to leave because there is no support system. And there can be an element of danger there too where the abuser may threaten or try to kill you when you finally do leave.

 

There are just as many men who stay in bad relationships as women, so thinking men are more logical is bullshit.

Also, I see you made an addendum for women who are getting physically abused, but you have no way of knowing if the women you think are in mentally abusive relationships are being physically abused as well or not, so what does that do to your statistics?

 

I don't really think it is the fear of being alone. I think folks who stay in bad relationships usually stick around for the familiarity and comfort of being in a familiar routine or with a person with whom you have some level of comfort, even if that feeling is based on negative things. It's similar to asking why people continue to smoke or eat junk food, even when they know it's harmful. It's almost always easier to continue doing what you did before, than it is to do something new, especially when the new thing is a large change without immediate and tangible reward, and the old thing has a lot of instant and small comforts.

 

Well, I think normally they fear the loss of of the relationship will be more painful than staying in it. Which is flawed thinking as even though it may suck, you don't feel that pain forever. But you can stick around in a bad relationship and feel pain for a very long time. Of course people in such relationships have a lot of emotions and feelings running around their head and probably aren't thinking clearly, or don't know what to do as they are confused.

 

I think at times people become so accustomed to being mistreated that they learn to block it out so that they can stay and maintain some form of sanity through it all. Too many people do not seem to understand that verbal abuse is not any less damaging than physical abuse.

That goes for both genders.

 

I think some people are brought up in circumstances in which they learn (incorrectly)that they are flawed. As children we think adults (including caregivers) are all-knowing and are correct in their evaluations of us- whether stated verbally or through actions including body language. It doesn't take long for a child to falsely believe that they are bad, and should be treated badly, if that is all they they've been taught.

It's tough stepping out into a world in which you have to take on the responsibility of being a normal human being that deserves respect and good attention, and are expected to live up to being the person that deserves it, when you don't know how to accept it or believe you deserve it.

A quote by Bruce Perry MD PHD - Achilles psychologIstanbul. I believe this applies more,as the above is my opinion only:

"Like everyone else, they feel more comfortable with what is “familiar.” As one family therapist famously put it, we tend to prefer the 'certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.'"

 

Everyone is just a product of their experiences. If you won't be brave enough to push past some uncomfortable situations though, you will be sad and stagnant. Not how I choose to live my life anymore!

 

I'm out of likes...

Like!

 

so now you're saying that gender fluid people can't be in bad relationships? you make me sick!!!!