Am I the problem??

Am I the problem and cause of every relationship partner that I've ever had blindsided and ghosted me??


I've been in 5 relationships, and each have ended with me being heartbroken, confused, ghosted, and finding out there were an(other) woma(en).


First relationship lasted a year, even though was speaking prior for a year. He was my first everything. We communicated daily, saw one another frequently. He promised me he wanted to marry me and remain with me. ..that he loved me.. We had spoken the day prior to him ghosting me and everything was fine. He just ghosted me and disappeared. He was seeing another woman (eventually married).

We didn't communicate for 3 years after ghosting me. Prior to marriage .He sent me a letter via postal and email saying how sorry he was for ghosting me, that he wanted to remain friends and work towards being together again....etc..even called my mom asking her advice.. we remained in contact for about 3 months off and on..out the blue he told me he wasn't in love with me, that he never loved me, that he had pretended to like me because he felt sorry for me. That I was too tall, old looking, and ugly.




Another relationship lasted 5 years. .Basically the same pipe dreams and empty promises.. On the day prior to ghosting, we had agreed to going to therapy and working on our relationship...because we wanted to be married. I called him the next day to see what time he was coming over...and didn't get an answer..I called multiple times...
Eventually a woman answered the phone, telling me that he never wanted me, that he's been with her for awhile now, that I should have been lucky he pretended to love me because I was ugly and had nothing going for myself.. I heard his voice and him laughing in the background. Months later he apologizes and told me he really wanted to be with me. That the woman was just his cousin playing games, and that he told her he was depressed and didn't want to talk to me..he claimed he had no idea she had done that.

I never believed him, and told him it was over. That I never wanted to hear from him again. Later that day, he posted pics of himself and another woman online...and he was showing off his proposal and engagement to her. That he was very excited to marry her. That she's the love of his life. They married soon after. Anytime that he was caught cheating and talking to women on social media, he's been telling her that it wasn't him, that it was his ex(me) hacking his account, trying to break them up because she is still in love with him...(I had blocked both of them months ago after seeing the engagement) She then starts hitting up my phone leaving constant profanity filled offensive insulting angry voice-mails on my phone...warning me to stay away from him.

One time I answered told her that he was lying. That she shouldn't be so quick to believe a person, especially talking about a person she's never met nor had exchanges with. I told her she never should have known my name..as him and I aren't in each other lives anymore.

I never answered again.




Another 5 relationship basically the same empty promises and pipe dreams..
Leading to him ghosting me, later admitting thar he never loved me and only felt sorry for me. .that I'm old, ugly, and have nothing going for myself.

He turned to be another gossiper and lie spreader. Denies that he ever dated me.. We hadn't spoken for months after that...told his girlfriend (a woman I found out was in the picture all along while we were dating..eventually he married) lies about me. .
Told her that I was hacking his account, sending him messages, trying to ruin their relationship, told her that I was just a hoe he slept with once who caught feelings and won't leave him alone. .etc... all lies. A little later I recieve a text from an anonymous number containing screenshots of her ranting on social media, threatening my life, telling me to stay away from her man, even had posted my complete address and name(he told her this information) saying how she was going to beat me up...the post generated a lot of comments from her family and friends ready to eagerly join her.



It's been going on 10 years since that incident and the last time he and I last spoken.



Dated a guy for about a year. Same empty promises and pipe dreams. Before ghosting me, he admitted to never have felt anything for me. That he hadn't meant it when he told me that he loved me. That he was just using me as a rebound and a placeholder, because his ex the mother of his child didn't want him anymore..that he truly wanted to be with her.


That was 3 years ago.


Now....this guy that I've recently posted about...seems to be headed in the same direction..


Is it me?? Am I really the problem??

 

Partners are best found at work, where you see them in their true colours.

 

I'm wondering why people would be so cruel as to tell someone that they never meant it when they said they loved them. But yes, I suppose it could be you partially or totally , but I must say---you sure meet a lot of hollow people.

 

Hmm I hope you break the sequence of partners leaving you for another, however these "ugly" comments seem to follow you, as you go through life, perhaps it's time to seek help from a Beautician! And I am not trying to be cruel to you, but you are responsible for you own appearance and attitude to sexual relationships. PS I have had many good sexual relationships with ugly women and often they put far more effort into pleasing men than beautiful women!

 

Hi, And welcome. Where are you living?

 

Wow really sorry to hear these stories. I don't think it's your fault but maybe you are attracted to people who have the same behaviors. It's not normal for Ex's to be involved in every single breakup scenario. It's never once happened to me. I do have a friend that it happens perpetually to and he is very narcissistic and controlling with women and not respectful of their boundaries. I agree with what others said there are a lot of hollow sociopaths out there now with online dating but I guess I would ask myself why are you always on the victim end of things. Hope that helps.

 

Huh. Everyone I've seen so far come here with a problem of this sort gets an "It's not you", and a pass. ??? I'd rather say what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

Anyway, yes, it's you.

How do I know? Because the same thing has happened FIVE times in succession. A problem that happens once could easily be entirely the other person's fault. Even twice. But the third time, the fourth time, the fifth time? That's a clear pattern and you are the only common factor.

That being said, they're definitely assholes.

But what about you draws them in?

You said nothing about yourself so anything I could say is merely speculation, not remotely-useful advice. Tell us who YOU are, and possibly you could get more back.

 

P.S., I'm not unsympathetic. But if you want it to change, you need to examine the person in the mirror.

 

I don’t think the problem is you, it’s just you have had a bad run.
However with everything you have posted I would maybe talk to someone and work on yourself, because these bad relationships is sounds like has made you jaded and cynical that you will ever be happy. You should get comfortable in your own skin before you look to get into another relationship.