Am I The Only One In A Sexless Marriage?

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by Stormysnowysunny, Aug 31, 2017.

  1. Panama Jack

    Panama Jack Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I suppose there are sexless marriages out there, but my wife and I are not in there group.
    We are a senior couple and truly love each other and know the health benefits of a active sex life. It’s just too important for a married couple. Just like diet and exercise. However, we don’t take each other for granted. But we both know sex is going to happen in our house.
     
    gentlesenior likes this.
  2. cbachinger

    cbachinger Visitor

    'Our' problem, is that she knows that sex is important for me but because she has more interest in eating and sleeping and understandly her job takes a fair amount of energy from her, we hardly have it.

    I could confidently but shockingly say 2 to maybe 4 times a year.

    I once asked her and she sounded just not interested or that she didn't feel like it. We once had sex simply because she experienced something that made her deeply emotionally happy and relieved, just to keep it short and simple but it was one of those 'once in a lifetime' situations.
    Another time, it was after a wedding.

    Otherwise not even anniversaries or my birthday.

    We have been married for 5 years and we have worked out a real good balance to make each other happy. The only imbalanced bit is the almost absence of sex. She knows and just says I must masturbate but eventually I told her that i would appreciate to have sex with her and appreciate her body than just my hand!
    I was very close from saying once 'you are a very selfish woman who knows but still doesn't care about your husbands needs!' but no doubt that will cause a huge ripple and she may lash back at something that I'm unaware of.
     
  3. Barry Mandelay

    Barry Mandelay Banned

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    When we first started our relationship, my first and only wife, the sex between us was so frequent we had to come up for air often. Then children happened and pregnancy almost killed her. Doctors advised no more children, there are two, so we took precautions and continued sexually. Not as often but far more than the average. This went on for years until menopause happened with her. Her body failed her sexually due to this and other medical issues so our sessions became very infrequent over time. I remained very viral even to this day. Counseling revealed her body has to many medical issues for her to partake in sex so we opened up our relationship by mutual agreement. I get my relief and remain with her as we vowed. We have been together for over 4 decades and have no plans to part ways. Being honest through all of this has led us to be loving, supporting, and together until death where we feel we will be joined again when we meet after our time on earth is done.

    To answer the OP's question: No, you are not the only one. But, it is how you handle and work through each others issues to come to an agreement. That agreement may be as ours that is tailored to meet your needs. It may be that you agree to separate and find another partner to live the rest of your life with. Or, and hopefully the best is that your husband will come around and step up his game. I doubt the latter will happen but continue to try to work through it and find a acceptable answer to your dilemma.
     
    Daretobare likes this.
  4. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    I think it's interesting you guys were able to come to an agreement and keep your marriage going. You both must have worked very hard on your relationship and maintained excellent communication throughout. Admirable.
     
  5. Daretobare

    Daretobare Member

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    My wife too has medical issues that restricts us sexually. Fortunately she has no problem with me relieving my self privately or around her. She may help out at times orally. Shes pretty open minded but i 'm not so sure she would allow me a fwb though.
     
  6. iamjustme

    iamjustme Wishful thinker HipForums Supporter

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    I was in a sexless marriage for more years than I care to say.
    It is waaay more common than you think. It is estimated that 20% of long term marriages are sexless.
     
  7. shygurl170

    shygurl170 Members

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    I was in a sexless marriage for 15 years. My children (19 and 11) are statistically miracles. We went years.

    It was lonely, isolated. We were roommates. Our marriage ended 5 years ago.

    I never fully expressed how I felt.
     
    iamjustme, Deejay88 and Philky like this.
  8. To state an unpopular opinion, sex is stupid. At least pornographic sex. If you want to be really close to someone, that can be nice, but it's not a necessity either. You shouldn't act like it's a need; you're just being a baby. What will happen if you don't get that reassurance? You'll cry like a little baby? Who cares?

    If you can't watch porn because it makes you feel like you've missed your life, well... Could it be that your significant other doesn't know how to be one of those twats who has sex like that? That desperate-to-live kind of pornographic sex? What, does he have to do a play date with you? Do you have to role play and he has to make believe that you're some kind of whore even though, perhaps, he's too intelligent to take that nonsense seriously? Why should he have to? And if you two don't want to feel that close to each other and actually make love instead of dumb fucking, then what's the point of your relationship?

    And feeling close to each other becomes redundant too. People have sex WAAAY too often. They do it just to do it, seems like the thing to do. What was once closeness becomes mindless fucking and both become too deluded to even be compatible anymore. Just like you don't have to tell your partner that you love them over and over and over again...to be close to someone is something special, not something you overindulge in to the point of gluttony.

    Pornography is just a means of keeping the prostrate clean. It's not like a guidebook on how to have fun, how to have sex, or how to live your life. Pornographers are providing a service, a service to help you masturbate to keep your body healthy, and that's it. You aren't supposed to watch pornography and think that's what real life is like. If they could record truly intimate moments between people, I'm sure they would, but they really can't. Do not imitate; just masturbate.
     
  9. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    When you say sexless

    Define that please.

    EDIT: nevermind. Just recognized you from other posts, don't mind me.
     
  10. shygurl170

    shygurl170 Members

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    Early on there were issues (ex had some issues from his past that were never dealt with). Once I got pregnant with older son—-sex didn’t happen for at least 2 years if not 3. It was years between.
     
  11. Noserider

    Noserider Goofy-Footed Member

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    I've only had sex like three times the whole time I've been married.
     
  12. lmm00

    lmm00 Members

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    The only thing I agree with here is that it’s an unpopular OPINION.

    Desperate to live, mindless fucking, role playing sex is my favorite. And LOTS of sex (like a ridiculous amount) is one of the things that keep my husband and I feeling very close with each other.

    I don’t think sex is a “need” because you can live without it...but there are lots of things that make or break relationships that aren’t needs. Each person gets to choose what is and isn’t important to them in a relationship.
    Sexual compatibility would be very important to me. I would not be happy with a man who didn’t want sex as much as I do (a lot) or who only wanted to have “vanilla” sex.
    Of course, if something happened to prevent my husband from being able to have sex, I’d make do because I love him and already have a life with him. But I wouldn’t start or continue a relationship with someone if we weren’t sexually compatible.
     
  13. It's not "vanilla" sex. It's the best sex, true love. What you're having is just, like you say, mindless. It looks dumb, it sounds dumb, it is dumb. Of course you have society telling you that sex is the best thing like, ever, so naturally you think it's totally cool when you're having it. But objectively speaking, it's just for people with no imaginations.

    Unpopular opinion: I don't believe in a sex life. There is just life. If you and your significant other want to feel super close, you make love. If you're super bored and have no lives and can't think of anything better to do, you fuck.
     
  14. lmm00

    lmm00 Members

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    It sounds like a snooze fest. And that’s fine for you. It’s not fine for everyone.

    Again, I’m in a very close, loving marriage where we have “porn” like sex almost every night. It’s just one of the many things that we feel strengthen our relationship.
     
    Irminsul likes this.
  15. To me, you sound like a snooze fest. Of course it isn't interesting to you to be close to whoever I'm interested in. That's just your loss as far as I'm concerned.

    Again, I don't want to know. Your sex is asinine I'm sure. But whatever it takes to keep you two together. That's what's really important. *rolls eyes*
     
  16. Noserider

    Noserider Goofy-Footed Member

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    Sex without intimacy and love I just hollow in my opinion. Mindless sex? Seriously?

    Making love is underrated these days.
     
  17. iamjustme

    iamjustme Wishful thinker HipForums Supporter

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    Wow...that is almost exactly my story, except my two kids are 27 and 23.
    I have since remarried to a much better person overall, and the sex is wonderful.
    I am alive again
     
  18. Driftrue

    Driftrue Banned

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    In relation to a couple of above posts.. Just want to point out that sex can be kinky and crazy and mindless.. And also with someone you're truly in love with. I hate when things are stated as exclusive-of-each-other opposites when they're not.
     
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  19. Driftrue

    Driftrue Banned

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    Aside from anything to do with your sex life, this isn't a good thing for you to be feeling in any area. I don't know how old you are but I'm sure your life is far from over. Don't focus on what you haven't done or can't do because it'll drive you mad and change nothing. Think about what you want to do and go for it. Your life is not over.
     
  20. shygurl170

    shygurl170 Members

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    I really do hope to remarry. I am not getting any younger!

    Random hookups/fwb is not for me. I had my time when I got back into the dating pool.
     

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