My life has been a roller coaster, I have travelled my existence the exact way they say not to. My father ignored me as a child. Rejected and disregarded by a stoner. While being attentive and loving to my sister. I've been overpowered and violated. I've been childhood, sexually, physically, emotionally and psychologically abused. I've done drugs and am currently using methamphetamine functionally. I am diagnosed ADHD and am prone to having bouts of an anxiety disorder. I have PTSD from sexual abuse and postnatal PTSD from the violent midwife when I was 19 and didn't know any better. I have Narcissistic Victims Syndrome and this has been the hardest of the lot to overcome. My older daughter has been kidnapped from me through revenge of an opportunistic ex. I've been suicidal, started at age 7. I've had severe depression. I've been bullied. I have an eating disorder. I've been medicated. I choose not to. I am popular, loved and respected by my peers. I am compassionate and empathetic to the feelings of others. I appear to be a magnet to my friends of where to seek advice and counsel in a crisis. And I thoroughly adore this. I keep every secret. And I call upon the Archangels often. I have 2 beautiful girls to 2 disgusting men. I am here, I love where I'm at and I am smiling. Up until 3 weeks -1 month ago.. I had a new house mate move in. A good friend. With her daughter, who is very close with my daughter. They share a room. Ages 8 and 7, I co-sleep with my 1 yr old. This is 4 months post separation of a malignant narcissist (although I didn't know that was what he was at the time). This is when shit started to go down. I'd met a new guy briefly and we had an instant connection. The first week of having a companion was bliss but everything started to go dark, thick and foggy around the house and around my mind. Little things went missing. I started using foul language, particularly the word '****' which I always had a distaste for. I was overly sexually promiscuous. I lost compassion for my friends and started isolating myself from their constant needs. I unknowingly became agoraphobic. I felt eyes on me all the time. My ex knew things I never told him. Cars were driving past my house in a quiet residential street every hour until I turned off the lights. But I'd just met a guy who I instantly connected with and he felt mutual. So I adorned white light and stayed blissfully disconnected from living any other way than what I saw fit. He told me had something following him. Dark shadows. And he had something in his house. In his roof, things going missing or moved to another location. He'd felt a heavy weight on him and have something drain him from all energy while he was paralysed. The first time I went to his house, this happened to me. The second time I say in the same spot and it started to happen again until I moved to a different seat. Then I was energetic again. My housemate started to FREAK anytime I left the house. At one point she was texting me about shadows in her room. Cold shadows draining her. I came home and lay in bed with her and experienced what she was describing. I called on Archangel Michael and his white light and we demanded the shadows to leave in peace, they are not welcome here. I felt warm and content but when I tooled at housey she was dark and drained, I moved to give her a hug and she was ice. I wrapped my arms around her and demanded these things to go, leave her alone, follow archangel into the light where they can rest in harmony. Then I saw the cloaked shadow man on the ceiling and I felt him. And I let him drift me off to sleep, paralysed. I started having fantasies of being dominated, spit roasted, raped and sodomised. I covered my face in make up and wore only black. I didn't eat (more so than usual for me) I stopped showering as much. I started obsessing over things, the main thing being my narcissistic ex. Then bad events started happening. My 7 year old has bags under her eyes. She's stopped sleeping, she's not eating, wetting the bed, clingy, detached, dark, avoiding school, stomach aches, lying and obsessing over an older boy she had a crush on. The narcissist entered my property without permission. The next day he took my 1 yr old and said he wasn't returning her until I provided a clean drug screen that day. 6 hours later he reconsidered and returned her. I was pulled over twice by the police. I tried to compromise custody with Narcissist wanting him to spend more time with daughter but he overpowered me into submission. He wasn't willing to commit a night to her. I made a school meeting to find out more about my older daughter and was informed of worrying behaviour changes and advised to call the local sexual abuse centre. I did and they advised DHS (child welfare) involvement. This is where I broke down. I started having flash backs of my abuse and became catatonic. Suddenly I was covered in about 18 flies, all having sex on my body. No where else. To the point of housey spraying me with fly spray. Narcissist came to retrieve daughter as I was clearly unable to care for her and he walked in pointed finger and screamed that I should have stopped this, I should have protected her and if I had listened to him this would never have happened. This is the lowest point of my entire life this far. I was ready to die, my heart was dead. I didn't protect my daughter and I wasn't there to stop what might have happened. I failed and they'd be better without me. I went and looked in the mirror. Right into my eyes and felt it. I smiled.. I calmly sat on my bed and laughed. Evil dark laugh. I looked at my housemate and said some nasty things to her. Trying to intimidate and scare her, chuckling the whole time, moving my hands in a rigid methodical cheeky way. I was being maliciously cheeky. I started to hum a tune I've never heard before, eerie and childlike tune. Housey said, I don't know what the fuck is in you but I want my best friend back. I threw myself back and said I know but I can't, then I felt a WHOOSH envelop my chest and I was thrown all over my bed, unable to breathe, unable to stop. I froze in a stupor and hummed the tune. She asked me again to come back. I was there, I was fully aware of what was happening, I had no power to stop it. I squatted on my bed, hunched over cackling and doing the hand movements saying nasty cheeky threats to housey. After every burst id delve back into catatonia, paralysed in misery. In my head my thoughts were telling me how good this is, now I can run from my children's burdens, I can finally be free to be an ice junkie and a nomad. I don't need possessions, or security or family. Run, take the exit and escape. This happened throughout the night. I would come back to myself and then it would overtake again. I didn't sleep but in the morning I was calm, collected and on top of what I had to do to protect my daughter. I made the DHS report who admired all my efforts in doing everything based on intuition. That night, it happened again. I felt a fly pop out from my hair and the surge of heaviness overtake. The tune. The cackle. Then my body started contorting in bizarre positions and it hurt. I called for help to separate my chin from my shoulder but no one could move me from that position. I was thrown to the floor and I was panicking. It hurt! I managed to break it free and tried to calm down. I moved into a cross legged position and my head dropped to my chest. I started moaning/growling without the need for breath. Someone suggested taking me outside and they tried to pick me up. They lifted me in the exact same position I was sitting in, once outside they freaked and put me on my side on the floor, in the exact rigid cross legged position. It was hurting so much. Until I snapped out of it, freaked out, jumped in my car and escaped. I pulled over and tried to breathe. I looked in my rear view and saw my black eyes and smiled. There is more. So much more but this is long enough. I hope someone takes the time to syphon through my dribble and provide me with some answers. I've been doing my angel cards, fortune cards and tarot cards. They all, every single spread, say that I am going through my path of a higher consciousness. I am coming to the realisation of my divine life purpose. Is being possessed part of enlightenment? Or am I psychotic or skitzophrenic? I had a person remove the entity at an internal level so now it's oppressing me. But I miss him, that cheeky little ****. I feel incomplete and when I see that fly, or feel those butterflies in my tummy or hear the tapping in the roof, I feel excited and welcoming of his return. Helping me please?? Anyone?
the line between possession and psychosis is blurry at best; a projection of partially-repressed relationship trauma dating back years can have the same energetic impact as assault by succubi, under certain circumstances. the important thing to remember is that a good teacher will not seek to control you. You as a household should do something collectively to purge this thing, reaffirm the ties between you, and empower each other against it. Whatever this is, it doesn't rule you *edit* found something interesting; I wonder if it's applicable to your experience http://home.comcast.net/~shadowpeopleorg/coping.html
Hey, it's been years.. but thanks more than anything else for replying. I really just needed someone to acknowledge my fears, and settle my little petal, to panic and vent before forging on through to the battle. Eh.. epic battle.. battle won! And the journey was the perfect fall from grace that I needed to become who I wanted to be rather than who I was told to be. Was exorcised of a trickster entity/Loki by professional psychic healers. Was diagnosed with C-PTSD by professional psychiatrist. Was using ice professionally. Possibly entered an early midlife crisis as professed by a book. Definitely totalled in a complete mental breakdown.. self professed. Whatever it was.. it's not something I'll ever forget. Thank you again!!
