Am I Gay, Straight Or Bi?

Hello everyone, I just joined and I am not sure if I am in the right place, but I was hoping to get some advice or clarity on myself as I don't really know "what" I am. Most/some of the details in my story will be typical and I think some will not, so I will just be as specific as possible for a most accurate response.

From a very young age I new I was always attracted to girls. I want to say as early as 12-13 is when I first was naked with a girl and shared body contact and touching. Didn't know what sex was though but I did get excited to have these experiences with a girl. But at literally the same age, same place and same environment, I also ended up doing the same thing with a boy, naked body contact, and touching. I didn't get as aroused or excited, but still was a bit. From that point on, going into middle school, I was only attracted to girls and had only girlfriends. still no sex yet but played the "lower bases" kissing and feeling up etc. Started watching porn in middle school as well, and naturally learned a lot of new things about sex. Started to get pretty damn horny after experiencing porn to and wanted to go further with girls but I knew it wasn't going to happen at this age. This is when I remember learning about anal sex through porn, and became curious about anal masturbation, and tried it for the first time in 6th grade. I ended up loving it and did it often, eventually using more fingers and doing it longer, etc. But then high school came and i totally forgot about it as i started dating girls a lot. of course had sex with a good amount of girls and tried as many things as the girls would let me from what I had learned from porn videos. Never once was I attracted to or even thinking about guys though. I had close to 20 girlfriends throughout all 4 years of high school, and that is not including one night stands and friends with benefits. By the time high school was over there was nothing I didn't atleast try with a girl - Anal sex, 3 somes, bondage, exhibitionism (sex tapes), face fucking, etc. - along with a hell of a lot of partying, I partied at the college level in highschool, even went to college parties instead sometimes. - But once college came though, I did a total 180 and became the opposite of a party/sex animal. I lived alone in my apartment away from home, friends scattered throughout the country and lost touch for the most part. 2 years went by with me just going to college and being alone in my apartment, I totally lost my game when it came to getting girls, the isolation made me a quiet, almost shy person. And there I am with no vagina in years and just crazy horny for something. This is when I finally started up with the anal masturbation again, but now being older and much more horny, I worked my way up from just fingers to purchasing a dildo. I used that for the first time and loved it and became addicted to it. I then started to get into gay porn for the very first time and fantasizing about being a bottom boy. I then sometime after joined a gay dating site and posted nude/ dildo penetration pics and started talking to many different guys. I never got the courage to actually meet up with and sexually interact with a guy until almost 2 more years of just talking and watching gay porn and doing self anal masturbation. When it finally did happen though, it was awesome, and I ended up meeting more guys and was experiencing everything I did in highschool to females, except this time, being the submissive bottom, it was all being done to me instead. I made gay porn videos, posted them on porn sites, doing and trying everything you can imagine, wearing thongs and lingerie, deepthroating, 3 somes getting double teamed, etc. - But as for the part I think may be atypical, I new I was never curious or attracted to guys as far as like love or a relationship. I also was never attracted to the idea of kissing or foreplay with a guy, and only interested in being a bottom, never a top. and that is still true today. I was and am only ever interested in sex, and nothing more than that. Discreet gay sex I must add, as I am now presently married to a female. And I still to this day, very secretively and discreetly, have and enjoy gay sex. Never have I ever wanted anybody to find out though, coming out was absolutely never a thought or option, even before I got married. As I said, I was never attracted to a guy in the sense of having a relationship or being in love, I just don't think I can see myself with or feel love for a male, only females. I actually was somewhat of a homophobe like in highschool, I was uncomfortable and somewhat weirded out with seeing 2 guys kiss, Or knowing that 2 guys were openly gay and in a relationship. Presently though, obviously after having many intense gay experiences, I am a lot more understanding and comfortable with witnessing and knowing 2 guys are openly gay and together, but very hypocritically, there is still that small "weird" feeling that I get being around openly gay guys. I could and would never admit face to face to a guy that iam into gay experiences either. I should also add that I have only ever hooked up with much older gay men, never once a guy anywhere near my age. One reason being that there is much less of a chance of him knowing somebody that I know/knows me or him telling someone that may know me. Another thing that may be strange about me is that, for the most part, I could careless about how the guy who I am going to hook up with looks. The only thing that matters to me is how big his dick is. If its huge, he could be a fat ugly slob, and aslong as he has somewhat of a good personality to, I will be his submissive bottom. - I am actually now almost to the point where I feel like I enjoy having gay sub/bottom sex more than I enjoy having straight top/dominate sex with my wife. It's as if I am just very slowly transitioning into a gay person, but I know I will never lose interest in women either. - I am just seeing if maybe someone could tell me or relate to me as far as being into gay sex, but not into gay love. Like all of the things that I already mentioned, only willing to date and love women, and only willing to be secretive and no strings attached sex with older men. - If I like having sex and doing hardcore gay things with guys, why can't I feel love or emotional attraction to men to? Why do I not have any interest in kissing or topping a guy but I am interested in anything else as a bottom? - In a way I do kind of wish I could be attracted to kissing and having a relationship with a guy, just to see what it's like. But I just don't know how to make myself become attracted. It's just really weird and confusing as to what I like and don't like. Just hoping to see if this is common and if anyone may have answers or solutions for me. - I am sorry if this is way too long of a post to. I tried being quick to the point but detailed at the same time. - thanks much to anyone who can/will reply. Id appreciate much the advice or someone else's similar views and experiences.

 

I was always attracted to men sexually, but romantically with females. I didn't see most men being romantic with anyone unless they were in the mood for sex whereas most women were romantic most of the time. As I dated more men, I found that yes, some men are only attentive when they were horny but many were like me... willing to be romantic and loving all the time. Once I experienced that side of things, men were all I wanted. Still do. I considered myself BI at one point but the fact is, if I try and have sex with a woman, I cannot get aroused without fantasizing about being with a man so that pretty much sews it up for me. I'm gay and happy about it.