Am I evil?

Possessing kiddie porn is already an offense... and it's kind of hard to believe that you're actually announcing online that you have broken the law-- your IP could already have been traced. I think that you can get at least 5 years for possession of that stuff.

I really don't know what else to tell you... but if you haven't actually hurt anyone yet then maybe you could ask a therapist what to do about your urges. I think as long as you say that you definitely don't want to do it, you would never do it, you don't have anyone in mind, and you're mostly just afraid that you're going to hurt someone in the future, then maybe they can help you.

I think it would be a different story if you thought it was okay or if you were coming on here like some people have and arguing that having sex with minors should be legal... but you seem genuinely afraid that you're going to hurt someone.

You HAVE already broken the law, but you can still physically destroy your computer-- it's a waste, but it's that or jail right now. I think you reallllly need to go to a therapist and discuss your options.

 

It is trivially easy to erase files and remnants left in free space on your hard drive without a trace, you should do that first.
Google is your friend there.

Secondly you should stop downloading any more illegal files, why should be obvious.

If you absolutely have to look at sensitive material use an obfuscating proxy like tor (obviously though, using it for downloading CP would be a grave insult to those who run such networks).

You should ignore comments about killing yourself, as they don't benefit anyone.

You *should* see a therapist of some kind, but only after you've done the first two things I mentioned. *Do not* tell him/her that you've downloaded anything at all.
Apart from that you've done nothing wrong, and that's not that big a deal really.

You also may well be advised to seek in addition another forum more amenable to this kind of thing...

 

I was going to say something supportive to you based on the fact you were aware that your fantasies are corrupted and that you'd never act on your urges until I read this:

See you've just crossed the line. You've already supported these childrens' abusers via file downloading.

You're well aware that you need help, that's good. I would only find a trusting therapist who you know for sure will never write down or record ANYTHING of your fantasies.

 

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

thx alot nice advice and everyone for replies.

I think to the conclusion I ll just see the therapist, I might still have a chance and I don't like my current state plus haven't acted on it and never will.

 

So change is what you would like to see.
The thing that drives you is an emotional body, sensational body. Every body must eat. Temptation is the temptation to feed a body within you that is offensive to the self. Every breath represents a choice as to what sensations you will honor or cultivate. Choose again.

 

As controversial as it may be, I believe mostly in letting people keep their business about themselves.

Everybody feels something wrong. You might be a pedophile, secretly gay, racist or might fantasize about raping people

if you don't act on it, then what difference does it make? Thoughts are exactly that. I know it's disgusting, but I could say to everyone to imagine a child naked right now- people could, it doesn't mean they are attracted to children like you are but the point is a thought is not a hostile thing.

I don't think there are many therapists who are likely keen to talk to somebody about pedophilia, they would likely call the police. If you seriously are not to act on it, who gives a fuck. If you might, or if your thoughts become more dangerous on nature, that's when you should think about taking drastic measures. At that point, God forbid you ever come to it, you should speak to the police. If you are indeed downloading child pornography, it may only be a matter of time, anyways.

I tried to be as objective as possible, but I need to say this much- I really think pedophilia is the lowest of the low, sorry.

 

if you feel like you can't control your urges, maybe you can volunteer for chemical castration?

 

wtf were your mom and grandma talking about for her to say she would have all pedos castrated

 

Get proffesional help...you admit to downloading kiddie porn, what will it be next? If you dont care about what you will do to a child and how fucked up that is maybe what they do to pedophiles in prison will motivate you to seek help.

 

That's not really what worries me. as Sethvir already said it doesn't take much to erase any trace of what I downloaded or even hiding my IP etc..

I honestly don't hide my IP while posting here because the possibility of there being someone who scans the board for possible law offenders is virtually inexistent. With all the "evidence" in say the marijuana cultivation section they would have had to show up ages ago

Acid is one hell of a drug man.

That's a bit deep still tryig to decipher it. It sounds like you're suggesting to give in to my real urges? honor what I really feel instead of being ashamed of it? I am afraid to do so. I fear the consequences I have thought about it but just can't.

I'll give it a shot with a therapist. maybe I can change somehow maybe even with chemicals. they have medication for about every fucking things these days Otherwise yeah, as you said I ll just keep it (well not like I have a choice) as this secret fantasy.

Lowest of the low of the ways to be born? might be. Kinda sucks when it's you who's that way though... well somebody had to I guess right? otherwise such creeps wouldn't exist. Would be cool if "we" were just a hoax like UFOs:eggnog:

they always talk about the kinkiest stuff!
nah kidding I don't really remember but must have been something like hearing on the news "another one got caught today".

yep.

 

You just need help, or you need to die, sorry but thats the only way out for you..

 

Tell you what,

If you ever feel the urge to look at under aged kids in a sexual manner, just refer yourselves to these videos and the consequences. This will help condition yourself to think away from doing anything of that nature.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwFr_VcGMKQ"]YouTube- Dateline NBC To Catch A Predator - Huge Mix

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eyok4HYXPAU&feature=related"]YouTube- To Catch a Predator: So, the counselling isn't working out too well, is it

 

you need to stop being a complete bitch just because you are hiding behind a monitor.

heared of Saudi Arabia where people get stoned to death for having sex outside marriage? Does that stop them?

 

If you want a hand with the whole dying thing, let me know

 

Nice to see the "Burn the witch (sorry, paedo)" squadron out in full force.

The OP seems like a fairly sensible/rational person to me.
As long as you don't abuse or support the abuse of children (caveat about downloading CP goes here), there is no problem. There's nothing wrong with pondering socially unpopular fantasies.

 

As a mom, this isn't easy to read. =\ As a human being, we're all fucked up in some way. This seems so urgent, though. Please see a therapist as soon as possible. And I'm sorry this is plaguing you. =(

 

It is, isn't it?

 

You have some degree of moral/legal culpability by downloading CP, because you are supporting the abuse of children.

You have done the right thing by seeking help. Praise to you for understanding that child sex abuse is wrong and resisting the urge.

You can ask a therapist about what will or won't remain confidential in a therapy session and act accordingly. Simply having a desire is not a crime, but how you act on a desire can be. I don't think that any therapist is going to turn you in to the cops because you confessed a desire.

Your desires are probably coming from an emotional need. It may be possible to satisfy the emotional need (power, control?) without harming anyone.

The degree of harm caused by child sex abuse is beyond comprehension. Again, praise to you for resisting/ seeking help.

Please ignore people who suggest that you kill yourself. I think that they are mostly reacting to their feelings about the crime of child abuse rather than an understanding of you. If everyone who had the desire to abuse children resisted that urge and sought help, the world would be a much better place. If potential abusers live in fear of talking about their desires, we only drive the problem into the shadows, where what we need to do is to bring the problem out into the light. Again, I can't praise you enough for resisting that urge and seeking help.

I think that there may be some child abuse prevention groups that you could find online that could give you info on finding a therapist.

Please destroy the CP that you have downloaded. Downloading and viewing this material is the only thing that you can (and should) be faulted for doing.

 

Praise also to the ReverandJC for having the courage to speak out about this.

 

The gun misfires causing the bullet to lodge in back of the skull, suffering from severe brain damage you now have the mental capacity of a ten year old boy.

You spend the rest of your life playing with neighborhood children without ever entertaining the thought of having sex with children or anyone else


Hotwater