Am I doing the right thing?

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Lilac333, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. Lilac333

    Lilac333 Guest

    I'm a girl and i was in an open relationship with another girl until i ended it this morning. We are both still into guys, but i'm a little more into girls. I never wanted to be in an open relationship but i agreed to it because it was the only way i could be with her. She has a guy friend who has feelings for her and shes always skyping with him until late at night while she ignores me, and continued to tell me that she's just friends with him. It made me feel worthless and everything she was telling me was a lie, like how much she missed me or loved me. She'd say she miss me and then go skype that other guy.. made me feel like crap.

    This past weekend she went to a party with that guy and two other friends. Just the night before i expressed my feelings to her about that guy and how insecure he made me because i was afraid she'd leave me for him. I told her i hated him for ruining everything for me and how he is the root of all our problems, because he is. We get into fights all the time because of him and it's not a happy experience. she told me to not worry about it and that she loves me.

    Well, they ended up doing stuff together. I just cant believe she would do something like that to me especially RIGHT AFTER i told her how he made me feel so insecure. I know it's an open relationship but I dont think its right if you know i have a problem with that one person. Even though i was never for an open relationship to begin with, i'd rather her do stuff with ANY other guy, just not that one. He's ruined so much for me.

    I ended things with her this morning and havent been replying back to her texts. We are in a long distance relationship (1.5 hours away by driving) and that other guy is farther from her than me (a little over 2 hours). She says she doesnt want to be in a relationship with anybody and wants to be able to do whatever she wants. She said that she wants to act on her own feelings and not have to worry or care about someone else's. Her exact words: "i'm just not ready to take care of another person and worry about their feelings". i hope cutting her off and ignoring her is the right thing to do in my situation I told her she was selfish for not caring about anyones feelings but her own, and she agreed that she was selfish but its how she feels right now and that she wants to consider her own feelings and take actions off of them. In my opinion, this is wrong. she tells me she wants me to have freedom as well and that once i get to college (willl be a freshman in aug), the key to "finding myself" is freedom and to be able to do whatever i want. That may be true but i would never not think about someone's feeligs for my own benefit. She will be a sophomore in college and we're going to be living in the same building/floor which is going to suck.

    Am i doing the wrong thing by cutting her off completely and ignoring her? One part of me knows i'm pushing her more to that other guy because she used to come to me with everything so if i'm not available anymore shes just going to get closer to him, which angers me. But i cant forgive her and i can't even think of her sexually anymore after what she's done. It disgusts me and i've completely lost my appetite that she would do something like that to me. i told her when i ended it that i respect myself enough to never let her or anyone treat me like that anymore because i deserve more than that. its my fault i allowed her to treat me like this for long.. she agreed and said that i do deserve better than her. also said that im not depending on someone to make me happy anymore and that im mad that i wasted my feelings on someone who just thinks they're in love/love me when they arent really.

    I just need advice and reassurance that i'm doing the right thing and not throwing away something really good. it hurts so much because i'm so in love with her and she says she's in love with me too but i dont believe a thing she says to me anymore.
     
  2. Victoria1987

    Victoria1987 Member

    It sounds like she just wasn't ready for a relationship. Odds are, it would have ended at some point no matter what you did. If what you say is true and both of you love each other, I'd recommend staying in touch in case she has a change of heart, but try not to worry too much about it. It hurts, but you'll be back on your feet soon enough. Just hang in there.
     
  3. Lilac333

    Lilac333 Guest

    Thanks Victoria1987 :/ I just wish I could have her the way I wanted. She still has someone else if she doesn't have me and I have no one :'( screw her
     
  4. Victoria1987

    Victoria1987 Member

    It's probably not worth it to worry about whether she has someone or not. The relationship is over, or at least on hiatus. Her relationship status shouldn't be on your mind.

    The way I looked at it when my exes had a rebound relationship, it wasn't my business anymore. I would say I was happy for them, but I either honestly didn't care one way or the other, or I wanted their relationship to end miserably. I understand the feeling you're having.

    It's easier said than done, but it's probably for the best that you try to get rid of any feelings of hostility towards her and her new relationship. Or at least any outward feelings of it, especially if you want to remain friends. I'm sure that'll happen with time, since this break up was very recent.

    Just hang in there. Things have a way of working out. If she comes back to you, then that's excellent. If she doesn't that's fine too, and it's her loss. That's the best way to look at it, I think.
     

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