Am I doing the right thing?

I dont keep that kinda company

 

dump the jerk and get back in touch with your kids.

anyone who reads this ... don't leave your husband of 23 years for some tool on the internet. all the energy spent on this new guy could have been focused on saving an already established marriage and home life. good grief. this happens way to often in this day and age and it's really sad.

 

I still have a very good relationship with my kids... they just don't care for him however have tolerated him when they had to. See thats where some of our issues were he tried to chase my kids away and couldn't... created a lot of jealousy from him.

 

whatever you purchased as a married couple or accumulated during the marriage is considered community property in most states and will be split 50/50. it doesn't matter who paid for it. your money is his money and his money is your money ... in most states. i'm not completely familiar with your states laws but most are very similar.

if you're serious about splitting from him do it in a SMART manner. quietly and secretly move your stuff to a safe spot. copy and relocate all papers. open your own bank account and start to put money away. if you have family have them open an account in their name and put money there to HIDE it from him and the courts. consult an attorney to find out your rights. this is what a counselor from a battered woman's shelter would advise you to do.

if he asks where the stuff is say you donated it to the goodwill.

 

they've tolerated him because they love you.

i've had my parents spouses try to chase us (my sisters and i) away and it sucks. we secretly can't stand the jealous/selfish spouse but what can we do? .... NOTHING. just tolerate the jerk our parents chose so we can still see our parents ... sometimes.

we've discussed this, my sisters and i, and we also feel resentment towards our own parent who would choose the company of a virtual stranger (in our opinion) over their own children, even if we are grown. no human being on this earth could come between me and my children, if they tried they'd be booted to the curb.

 

belinda,

you can NEVER change this guy. if you stay with him you will get more of the past 5 years for the next 5 years.

you can change yourself and make yourself a better person and make yourself worthy of a better man who will treat you kindly.

 

Thank you sweet that is very good advice... only a little to late.. I left him in January, I have been able to get some of my things.. but according to the local sheriffs office anything in the home that he says I can't take has to be done in the court room. However I did have a key to the house.... and when he wasn't there I went in and got some of my things... but he had already moved my deer and antelope mount to storage where I didn't have a key... he has also taken a lot of my clothes and put them in storage also... So I am sure it is going to take a court order to get them as well.

My kids have been very understanding through the past 5 years.... My youngest was 17 and at that time he adored him... but as time as gone by there has been so many things said and done that the bridge between him and my boys is unrepairable... and I can't be with a man who won't accept my kids even though they are grown. I spent the last 3 years not knowing my grandson because of him.... and I can't do that either... In the last 7 months I have spent time with 2 of my 4 grandkids...2 of them I havent' been able to because of the miles between us... but they adore me... and I adore them and love them with all my heart and I won't give them up for any man either. I just can't give that up! It is just to precious and what you miss you can never get back.

 

hello everyone,
I agree, run long and hard! I had a man do that kind of thing, lowered my self esteem and made it sound like no one would ever want me again. I recommend that you find a way to get some career counseling, or a good friend to talk to for starters.

 

:iagree::cheers2:

 

Oh yes he has been very good at that. No one can love me like he has, no one can provide for me and give me the life he gave me..I am a user.... I will break every guys heart that comes in my path....etc... I have great friends that have been totally wonderful... and thats why I came seeking this web site... I can surf through this site and see that things can be better... I can learn from people from all over the world how to get back on my feet....I also see that what I might think is the end of my world other people have the same if not worse problems then I do... and if one day I can lend a helping hand or a few words of wisdom... I will be honored and proud to do so.

 

Well everyone,
I am one of belinda's friends. I have seen what she has gone through with this guy for the last 5 years. NOw I have a question for everyone. She has gone back to him, and she has told me that if they are happy and I see it, if I would ever be able to tolerate him. Now at one time, he was like a brother to me, but then he turned mean and did things and said things to me that were very hurtful and demeaning. I did tolerate him for the last 3 years. He is very manipulative and controlling but she cant see it. I guess love is blind. What I want to know is, do I need to put up with him and include him in things that I want to do with Belinda? She makes me feel guilty or she will even say yeah lets go do that and when it is time...she backs out cause she knows that it is suppose to just be girls time...I have gone down this road so many times and it kills me everytime he rips her apart. She has even lied to me and that is what hurt the most. She said she was sorry and I believe she is...but what I dont understand is why she had to lie to me at all. I have never ever told her what to do or anything. She has asked me numerous times and I guess that is why she has come her is because I can't tell her what to do because I have seen what kind of mess she has been in after she leaves him and the name calling he does to her. So I guess, what do I do. I have told her what I thought and all I said is remember a leapord never loses its spots.

 

she lies to you because she is ashamed of telling you the truth.

as long as she is with him it will be business as usual and nothing will change.

there is nothing you can do about it. of course she's sorry, but she'll still do it (lie) because she has to hide the truth. there is something she is getting out of this relationship .... not necessarily something good, just something.

she already knows what to do, she just chooses not to do it. something inside her tells her she deserves this poor treatment and until SHE decides she deserves better .... then she gets the poor treatment. no one can do a thing about it.

 

Yes I guess I understand that....but what I dont understand is how and why she would ever think that I could tolerate him after the mean and nasty things he has said to me and about me...he has been verbally abusive to me as well..only difference is that I will not put up with it....I just cut off all ties with him...he is all about money...he once gave me a very nice 50 cal muzzleloader but because of where I lived I didnt want to keep it at my house...so I left it at thier house..and when they had an auction they sold that gun he gave me....now the fact he sold it doesnt bother me as much as the fact that he had given it to me and then more or less took it back...cause he wanted money..he is all about money....nothing more nothing less...

I am scared that he may hurt her physically someday..that he may snap..and then she would be dead or hurt very badly...if some people knew what I knew he has done to her....they would feel the same way....I am worried about her...if she is happy fine..but I really dont think she is...I think she is going through the motions because she feels like she is a failure and she isnt....she just doesnt give herself a chance to stand on her feet..when she starts standing on her feet....she falls over cause she is scared...

As a friend I have been there for her to talk to..without bias...I have just listened to her...cause that is what friends do...

 

i can probably imagine what he's done to her and you probably only know the the half of it ... yet she continues with him. strange isn't it?

of course she's not happy. in reality she's failing herself and her children by putting herself in harms way. there is absolutely no reason for it today. there is help, programs, support groups and every other avenue for a woman to prevent living in these types of circumstances yet ... so many chose to stay in these awful conditions.

if he's a livewire don't be surprised with anything he does. i'm certain after 5 years of listening and watching her go back time and time again it can get quite tiresome to listen to the same stories over and over ... stories that are most likely watered down so you're not hearing the worst of it.

if you believe in god then pray like crazy for her. other than that, there's nothing you can do that you haven't already done.

 

Ever hear a song by the Dixie Chicks called Earl?

 

My boobs, people notice them more than my face?

Sweetdeviant, try displaying your face more than your boobs and maybe that will change.

 

And no not all men are like this!

 

I never said all men were like that....and yes I have heard the song Earl by the dixie chicks.....but I would never take another humans life unless my own life was in jeapordy, and neither would Belinda, this is due to the fact that both of us are avid hunters...but so far in my life all the men I have been involved with...are just like her husband...they either lie or cheat or try to control....

 

That was an answer to what Belinda asked in post #7.

The Earl comment was tongue in cheek.

As for the last of your comment, maybe the two of you need a change of scenery, if those are the only kind of men around.

 

I guess I haven't been on here in a while. I didn't know my best friend had joined. HI Linda. LOL... I have done a lot of things in the past that I am not proud of... especially lying to my best friend... and yes as someone put it, a lot of things were watered down to spare feelings and to keep others from worrying about me.

Round hell I don't even know any more. Again I have moved out. I am now working on a job that I totally love. I can't wait to get back on my feet financially. I have filed the divorce papers, even though they are filed he still continuesly tries to get me to come back and work on things. He has told me that he will force me to go to marriage counciling. Oh well his money, is not going to do any good any more. I have decided that I am not going to roll over on the land issue. I am going to fight for it and take a chance on the judge. Any way our 90 day grace period will be up in December and that is when we will see a judge.
I have tried to forgive him for the things he has said to me, I guess because that is what love is supposed to be about. Forgiving the person you love. But then again love does not say or do the things that he has to me. So I just can't forgive and get past it. So the best thing for me to do is to move on with my life.
Now my issue is, do I dare to trust again? Do I spend the rest of my life alone and forget about the chances of ever being with someone who is actually trust worthy? Strange world we live in now days isn't it?