Am I a bad lesbian ? advice needed !!

Ok so i am really struggling to know whether i am a real lesbian or kind of bisexual. Here is why :

So i'm totally into girls, that's for sure. I have had many girl crushes and the love of my life is a girl, have been in love with her for over 5 years (but that's another complicated topic). HOWEVER, I often have big crushes on guys and can be super attracted to them. But EVERYTIME i start kissing one of them and it gets i little further, i know something is wrong, i don't feel much and want to stop as or when i kiss a girl it's all sparks and fireworks. So whyyyy do i keep having boy crushes ?! Is it just me unconsiously hanging on to my (non-existent) straightness ? Or does it meen i might be bisexual with like 10% for guys and 90% for women ? I just don't know why this keeps happening --"
Pleease help with this, it's driving me insane !!

 

Frenchygirl -

Please stop trying to find a label for yourself. Labels are for groceries, not for people.

You are how you are. Accept it and enjoy it. The very questions "Am I a bad lesbian?" and "Am I a real lesbian?" are, to me, nonsensical.

Accept yourself as you are; assert your right to have others accept you as you are; and try to enjoy the road you're travelling, every step of the way.

Big hug from me,

Becky

 

Thanks Beachball. It's not really the label thing that's bugging me though. I just don't know why i think i want to sleep with a guy, and then when it actually happens i hate it. Every single time. It just keeps happening. Everytime i think i really want to, but it turns out i don't. It's like my mind won't accept i'm only into women.

 

Ahhhh ... I can see why that would be frustrating.

I don't know what to suggest there, hun ... it's not a situation I have ever encountered before.

Big hug anyway ... because hugs may not always solve a problem, but they seldom make it any worse.

 

well that's the thing, your mind knows you want variety.

 

But apparently, my body doesn't want that variety ! I just don't get which one is wrong i guess.
And i'll sure take the hug Beachball, thanks again !

 

Stop sleeping with guys for a while and focus on girls. After some time, you will see if you miss guys or not. Either way, you'll get your answer I suppose. Good luck!

 

I feel for you! I definitely feel strong attraction to men (I would say I'm mostly straight with bi tendencies maybe?), so while I don't share your issue I can imagine how maddeningly frustrating it is! Do you find you go for the same type of guy most of the time when you are in the mood? Might I suggest you open your mind to other guys and maybe you will find one that does things with you in way that don't make you regret it? I'm not suggesting there is anything wrong with being only with women, but it seems you are attracted to men but do not enjoy being sexual with men....so maybe you haven't been with the right guy yet?

 

ummm, Maybe that's it ! I do tend to fall for the same type of guys everytime. I'll try focusing only on women for a while, and if that doesn't work, i'll follow your advice ! thanks

 

I share his issue, but instead of being concerned my suggestion is just to embrace your sexuality as it is. I half jokingly refer to myself as a me-sexual. If I'm involved in the sex then I'm into it regardless of if it's sex with a man or with a woman or by myself. Enjoying various sexual acts with both men and women does not need to be a defining characteristic. Sex feels great. Enjoy what you like, pass on what you don't, just like anything else.

 

You sound bisexual to me, lesbians dont have crushes on men, we're not attracted to men, never.
Saying youre a lesbian while falling for men might hurt lesbians indirectly

If you wanna be label-less, thats ok too