Ahhh!! These People!

Oh wow... I can't imagine! I have been on all sorts of parenting boards, and actually kicked off of one. But some of these mamas ideas scare me. I know that not everyone understands or parents using AP methods. And I understand that some parents truly feel that Ferber-like methods are best. But... nope, I think I'm preaching to the choir here. Y'all understand this just as well as I do. Yeah Cynical Otter, I think that what you said was fine. I might have even been a little mouthier

One side note... 8 years old & 132# - I know my punkins are teeny tiny, but is that as HUGE as it sounds? My lil guy was weighed this afternoon... he's 10 years old, 4'10" and 67#. Is she seriously saying her son is more than twice as heavy?
love,
mom

 

that probably comes from when your eating habbit matches your parenting style

 

ok, first off that 8yr old 132 lber is just a fat, fat, kid! mommy dearest needs to get of her ass and quit feeding him all those big mac's! secondly, i slept with my mom till i was like 8 (it ended there because my mom died from cancer) and i turned out pretty damn well, im in college, i hold down a job, and im not a criminal! and looking back im glad she slept with me because it sucks with her gone now.

 

What's the website? I promise I wont start a board war or anything.

 

It's the 18+ forums for the show Ghost Hunters.

 

Aaaack! WT-ever-lovin-F? When Jim was born, we just knew how we would treat him...like a person! If a newborn could actually say, "Mother, please hold me. I'm lonely and afraid!" do you think they'd be so hasty to chuck them in another room and let em cry it out? Like my sister says "He hasn't even been OUT of you as long as he was IN you!" To me attachment parenting is more like "Instinctive Parenting". I just let my instincts guide me without letting society judge how I raise my child. And I'll tell you what, I WISH Jim would be a little more clingy! He is one of the most independent 7 1/2 months old I have ever met! People are always remarking on how well behaved and self aware he is. It's because he gets all the nurturing he needs and KNOWS deep down in the very folds of his brain, we will always be there when he needs us. So, he then has a solid base from which to venture forth into the world. I'm lucky in that my family supports me. My grandmother (the one who wrote that cool page on Jims birth) and grandfather actually pioneered the father being in the delivery room. My in laws were dubious at first. I could see the "knowing" looks they would give each other when I would rush to pick my son up when he cried. "Uh oh, they're SPOILING him. He's never going to learn how to get on by himself." But now, they are amazed at how he's progressing. They are coming around to the idea of instinctive parenting. I do prosletize. (sp?) Whenever someone remarks on Jim, I say "It's because we co-sleep, and baby-wear and nurse him. We treat him like a person, so he ACTS like one!" I've set quite a few people to thinking!

 

it must be stated, though, that the family bed way of life IS easier. it just is. no worrying about your child sleepwalking (my whole family does) or getting really sick, possibly choking on their vomit and dying, not being in another room vulnerable to attack or fire...not to mention nursing at night...seriously. it's easier. if some angry person wants to call that lazy, they're just pissed because they made their own lives more difficult. kai's four and has a little bed next to mine and we hold hands while she goes to sleep. when she wanders in her sleep, i'm right there to get her.

 

though i have to say, there were a couple harsh comments about mothers not having a right to private time. that's not natural. in our traditional tribal style communities, it was not only possible but easier to get some private time. yea, there's a great deal of baby wearing and hands on parenting, but there's also slews of other women who are available to help with each other's children. everyone needs some time alone, or they go crazy. to ge down on someone for wanting time without a child is just way too harsh.

 

hey could you guys give me some good links on Attachment Parenting? I just had my first baby on the 11th and I cosleep, breastfeed, sling-carry her which I feel like were all not even choices, just naturally the right way for me to do things. Instinct? I really can't even comprehend how someone could have a baby and want to make it sleep somewhere not RIGHT NEXT TO you. I'd just like some good stuff to read about maybe other things I can do also.

 

Congratulations

My 'library' so far ...

http://www.apbiz.com/apframeofmind.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/
http://www.apparenting.com/
http://www.gentleparenting.com/
http://www.lalecheleague.org/
http://www.mothering.com/
http://www.naturalchild.org/
http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/index.htm
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/attachmentparenting/articles.htm

 

you forgot www.kellymom.com

 

I never actually said that though. I mean, I guess what I said could be misconstrued but my only comment to private time was when I said that a mom can take her bubble baths and watch her movies when the kids go to bed.

I wait until the kids are asleep whether from naps or bedtime to do stuff like take bubble baths or watch age-inappropriate TV or movies.

I also said that my social life happens every two weeks. That means I dont go on dates or go to adults-only parties unless my girls are with their father. I dont get babysitters for me-only things.

If I can't do it with my kids inbetween dad-weekends, then I don't do it.

I never said that moms shouldn't have ANY private time. I just don't believe that me-time should be at the expense of my children.

For example, no offense to my friends, but I would never ditch my kids with someone else just to go console one of my friends over her emo breakup with her boyfriend. If she needs comfort, she comes over after 7:30pm and hangs out with me while my kids sleep. My friends understand that my kids come first over them and they respect that.

Some of the women on this other forum don't seem to understand that. We obviously have different ideas of priorities.

I was raised with the belief that your children come first. It's the sacrifice you make as a parent.

 

no, i agree. our friends understand that me and my kids are a package deal. wherever we go, our children go. they're wonderful in public. i'm not really comfortable with sitters unless my daughters know them very well, like family members. therefore, if friends want a child free night out, they know not to invite us unless it's in advance and we can work out which one of us is going. usually dave, because i don't get enough advance notice to pump my breasts sufficiently. that's life. my children are my joy.

 

i just bought a book for my carreer oriented fried whose considering tryingto have a baby. it's "the natural baby" by janet balaskas. i'm going to get one of those sears books for her, too. she's from an incredibly traditional family and is just totally wierded out by co-sleeping. and breastfeeding, for that matter. some education is in order. she really likes the way my children are turning out, and i think it's from the few basic AP principles my selfish cold-blooded ass has been able to use. hell, if I can get even a little bit right after my own upbringing, just think what someone from an affectionate family can do!!

 

Otter, Ah, Grasshopper, you have learned well. You now sound like me, on the rare occasion I go over to Baby Center. I can't do that too often, as it is terrible for my mental health. When I am premenstrual, I have to tell myself "NO Baby Center, no Baby Center."

The "AP is the radical notion that children are human" was actually my take on the old "Feminism is the radical notion that women are human." Thing is, there are huge numbers of our society who beleive neither are human.

My fav is "this or that was done (or not done) to me and I turned otu fine....." I never aspire my children to be "Fine." I want better than "Fine." I may not always succeed, but I never AIM for the lowest target of "just fine."

 

Sage-Phoenix you are doing a great job preparing!

IMO, I do like the LLL site, but it is hard to navigate. And, the articles aren't as detailed as I would like. Even the articles I have written for them have been edited, from the originals in Leaven or New Beginnings, to fit less than one page.

As for that "lactation consultant" as she claims "She teaches breastfeeding and bottle feeding." Well, LCs do usually understand that, in some situations, bottles are neccesary, but to TEACH how to use them, as if it were the same, in a breastfeeding class is just against our Ethical Guidlines. We do it, IF the situation requires it, but it is not part of a regular curriculum of a standard breastfeeding introduction class. Even when I was teaching Doulas about bf, I left the exclusive bottle feeding for someone else to teach. Unless it was how to handle the milk, for an absent or extremely ill mom. Sounds like one of the Moderators on Baby Center, (who also claims to be a "Lactation Educator") who is always playing both sides of the fence. I was approached, eons ago, to Mod at Baby Center, and was presented with how I was supposed to "Handle" breast or bottle discussions on the board. I said NO way, can I do that. I don't want to go into it, but it basically required me to say "Anything you want to do is OK." play both sides of the fence, so they could appease their sponsors......*cough*NESTLE*cough*

I do understand, the more I learn, the better I understand, that some mamas DO have to use bottles and formula. And that mamas can AP, even if breastfeeding isn't possible, but we don't ever say "It's a choice for only the mother to make, and it is always going to be fine, whatever you choose." We now know more about things like Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (which, if I remember, you had, didn't you, Otter?) and the fact that it can, in about 25% of cases have a VERY serious effect on the ability to produce milk. We learn every day. And, understanding that some mamas just can't nurse is not the same as giving carte blanche to the idea that "anything that makes me happy, will, by default, make my baby happy and be best for her." But, I learn every day. Otter, you helped ME learn more about PCOS. I thank you for that. (It drove me nuts, that despite your trying (and I did beleive you did all you could) your baby dehydrated. I had to find out what the heck it was. That lead me to do more research on PCOS, which not only helped some of my clients, but helped me to understand other womyn, as well. Thank you.

Blessings.