Afraid to try it with people you aren't 100% sure of

You would if you could but not being totally sure about someone is enough to stop you from doing it.
Being cautious can save your life and you won't try it unless you are 100% sure about someone.
Has your concerns stopped you from going forward with your experimentation?

 

Indeed. But this isn't a new thing for me. In the past any time I've allowed myself to simply take someone at face value, I've been sorely disappointed if not hurt in some way. (Not necessarily physically)
Now that I am older, the fear that someone might turn violent in the heat of sex. So far, no one I've chatted with is willing to just sit down and talk about things other than sex. They want to push to meet, and that can only lead to misunderstandings. "I came all the way out here to meet you, the least you can do is ..." etc, etc. If I can't establish a common ground between us, I won't commit to anything. That goes for Men & Women alike.

 

You'll never be "100% sure of someone". If the bar's set that high, you'll never hook up with anyone.

 

I live by this rule: When in doubt, do nothing and I've turned down both men and women because I had doubts. Men will say whatever they think you want to hear, and I'll say "some women" want to remain mysterious and to the point that you can't find out what you need to know about them, like, oh, do they have a jealous hubby or boyfriend? Brushed off that UTI or yeast infection? Maybe pregnant and looking for a dupe to pin it on instead of the dude who did knock you up?

If it sounds too good to be true, time to head for the hills. See I want it to be easy for you to have sex with me but really horny does not ever mean stupid or careless; it's why I have never had and STD - if I have the tiniest doubt, I'm not doing anything.

PS: I don't like the word "afraid" in this piece because I never turn people down out of fear; it's me being smart about who I sleep with. I'm thinking that if you are really afraid, wow...

 

Yes. No creeps, clean and discreet a must. I host and require video chat first. This puts the kibosh on quite a few men. I love sucking cock, but I'm not going to go out of comfort zone to do it.

 

Depends on what you consider 100%.
I have made mistakes in the past and I won't make them again.
If I can't be sure of my physical safety and/or the safety of my personal effects then I suppose I am destined to never hook-up.

I don't believe my concerns and precautions to be unreasonable. anyone who does is not the right person for me to meet.

 

I've been far luckier with men in the scenario than with women. Men easily become far more desperate than women do when it comes to sex. Many evenings while enjoying a night at a pub I've met so many guys just wanting their dick sucked and witnessed a number of them strike out with the few women in attendance to fine myself out in the parking lot or in his vehicle sucking his cock to completion. I've done this with so many guys, and so many were so pleased that we exchanged numbers to contact me when they were in need. This was many years ago. Yes, I was a cock sucking slut and couldn't seem to get my fill of cock as I was for two years sucking 3-5 guys off a week and doing so with most a couple times a week. All of them were married to women yet desired my oral skills. Women are clueless, but it provided me a smorgasbord of cocks to suck of on a regular basis. The majority of the guys had big cocks that their wives were unable to orally satisfy like I could. I'm talking about 8-10" thick cocks that their petite little mouths could not deep throat, but my mouth was able to do so which provided them the ultimate blowjob having just shot their load of cum down my throat.

 

I just stepped into this forum, this is my first and I am hoping it is a legit stage for me to ask questions and receive answers. It has been a long time since I have had the good pleasure of going down on a good friend. I am happily married, and my wife does know about my history. I can expand on that, but will not here. I have spent a long while fantasizing about that guy that I run into at the local market, hardware store, etc. I am done fantasizing. I will NOT cheat on my wife, she does not care to have another in our bedroom, but she is okay (I think) or at least was said if I wanted to work out a deal. More red tape. That said, I have no idea of how to go about finding that guy. My preference would of course be someone like me, married, clean, safe etc. I also too would need this guy to be a friend, someone to hang out with and some nights nothing happens, other nights something might happen. How do I find this? I don't get how to ask someone close enough, that might be that person, and risk damaging a relationship. In short I guess is how does one make a suggestive move on another, without getting punched in the eye? Are there suggestive things that could be said? Looking for help to help me try to break the ice.

 

This is the hard part: Trying to find a Mr. Right. How to break the ice, how to be suggestive without getting punched out and then focusing on finding a guy who meets or exceeds your specifications. My question is... what are you willing to do to find him so you can find out if you can engage with him the way you'd like to?

 

I don't have problems making friends. I would rather gt to know someone. Spend time and find out what we have in common, if we share a similar sense of humor, etc. The problem comes later. I've made some really good friends over the years and have no regrets. But eventually, they end p either being lifelong heteros, or in the case of my gay friends, they either don't think I'm serious about wanting a sexual relationship or they think I'm just too old for them. In all cases except one, I have remained good friends with them all.

 

Why would they think you weren't serious?

 

I'm not entirely sure. But there was one person that actually initiated contact. When they recognized me a t store, came up and we began talking. We exchanged a few pleasantries and they leaned into me, and flat out asked me if I wanted to go around the world with them. I gave them a definite yes, and had my earlobe nibbled and a kiss for my answer, then we set a time and place. I was there first, and when they showed up, they said "Oh, you're here ... I was just kidding, you don't look like the type to go through with it."

 

So far I suppose I’ve been fortunate. But I think I’ve also been smart. There have been a few occasions that it has seemed to be off. And when it seems that way I slow it down and proceed cautiously. Every time I’ve had my discernment kick in I’ve declined to meet them. I’ve not had a meeting with a guy go south once we are together. Most people I’ve been in contact with are sincere and looking for the same thing I am. ironically it’s been every woman that I’ve been in contact with from a sexual dating site has gone a wrong direction. Every one of them. It has been very rare that a contact with a man has gone bad.

 

Wow, that was messed up! And what, exactly, does the type look like? I've had gays say that to me and my response was, "Try me..." and they found out that I didn't look like the type... but I was the type. "Do you wanna have sex or are you too scared to?" Mess with me, will you?

 

Not sure ... I was just discovering my feelings back then, and so many things went through my mind at that let down. I spent the rest of that day mulling it all over, and by morning I decided to just let it go, it wasn't worth the aggravation. Chasing them down and trying to force an explanation or trying to get them to give it a chance after that seemed counter-productive and the source of a much bigger headache.

 

I understand; it could be like that with some guys and even I learned that if this guy wouldn't, that guy would, so their loss more than mine. That "you don't look like the type" bugged the shit out of me because I wanted to know what the type looked like - and then I found out and, well, no - I don't look like the type because I'm not gay - but I do suck cock and not afraid to. And, yeah, ballsy enough to challenge the guys who must've been afraid to have sex with me...

 

1) If you suspect that something is wrong but cannot yet say exactly what it is, you should act immediately and go to other people's company to be safe.

2) If you suspect that people are on drugs, have a behavioural disorder or are mentally ill, you should also leave immediately.

3) If you are attracted to men who are stronger than you take a higher risk of rape. There is much less help for men after rape than for women, which sadly often mean that they are on their own.

4) To avoid theft and loss of documents, only take the essentials with you, in case of doubt just a dummy wallet without IDs and with very little money, and not your main smartphone. You may want to hide some money to pay for your safe return. When undressing, proceed systematically, always put your watch in a shoe and always keep an eye on your wallet. Always take your important belongings with you when you go to the shower or toilet.

5) Avoid giving your main phone number or main e-mail address to someone you have just met. People in need of sex and people in love can be incredibly pushy.

6) Blackmail is a serious problem in countries where homosexuality is a criminal offence. One reason for the decriminalisation of homosexuality was the frequency of blackmail.

7) Successful prevention requires a very good knowledge of the infection routes.

70% of all new HIV cases are gay or bisexual men, mostly between the ages of 25 and 34.16% of people living with HIV identify as heterosexual females and 7% identify as heterosexual males.

7% of people affected by HIV are heterosexual intravenous drug users, with 4% being male and 3% being female.

HIV contraction is also highly prevalent in minority groups, particularly the African-American and Hispanic community. 42% of people living with HIV are African-American and 27% are Hispanic/Latino.

Although these groups combined make up less than a third of the country’s population, they account for 69% of all HIV diagnoses.

Source: How to Safeguard Yourself from HIV Transmission - PrEP Daily​

Accessible Risk Estimator - HIV Risk Reduction Tool

During anal sex, bottoms have a very high HIV infection risk and should not rely on the condom expertise of their tops. Condoms should:

• be of high quality
• have the right size, i.e. not too small or too large
• be specially designed for the high friction of anal sex (wall thickness 0.1 mm instead of 0.06 mm for vaginal sex)

Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP): Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) | HIV Risk and Prevention | HIV/AIDS | CDC
Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP): Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) | HIV Risk and Prevention | HIV/AIDS | CDC

8) Good knowledge of the legal situation.

9) Good knowledge of local law enforcement customs.

10) You should be careful not to get unnecessarily involved with someone who is surprisingly friends with someone very influential, such as a high-ranking police officer. So keep cool and don't overreact. Always think ahead.

11) Sobriety and a high degree of self-control help to avoid stupidities that arise from too much enthusiasm for the upcoming sexual interaction. Strangely enough, there are many people who are always 'out of luck', they believe that they need their intelligence only on exam days in everyday life.

12) It follows that safe male-male sex is more challenging than male-female sex.

 

I've put myself in some very risky positions many times over the years, I luv the excitement! The last time was a few years ago when I met up with a group of guys at a hotel I rented for a gangbang. I was super nervous when the first couple came over, but after some foreplay and a couple of drinks I was on my knees having the time of my life!!